Newlywed confusion

never4get2dream · February 2010

My DH and I have only been married for 4 weeks and we still haven't had sex. Not that we haven't tried, but we were both virgins when we got married. DH can't seem to penetrate, and when he does, it really hurts. Help! What should we do?

Hollylb3 · February 2010

I was also a virgin when I got married, with a very well endowed DH. The key is lots of lube. KY jelly is good. He's probably just afraid he's going to hurt you. He'll actually have to push it in, not just kind of probe around. It sounds juvenile to say, but I'm assuming that's his problem. The more lube the better. It slips right in! If that doesn't work, get to a doctor.

kmlluvnmh · February 2010

You need a lot of foreplay, you can't just stick it in and expect it not to hurt. Lube will help as well.

riderpunk · February 2010

One suggestion would be more foreplay. Try some oral sex and relax. If your not relaxed enough and your motor ready to go, it can be an issue.

music83lover2001 · February 2010

I can identify. We had the same problem. We were both virgins too and it was really painful for me. It took us a few weeks. What we found to help was for him to wear a condom and put some lube on it and it was much easier for him to slide in and hurt a lot less. It will take some trial and error to find out what will work for you, but that is what I would suggest.

katorigasuki · February 2010

it's going to hurt. and you're probably going to bleed a little bit. but after you get through it a couple times it will become much better.

foreplay, and lots of lube. maybe a bottle of wine for good measure.

Tough Taters · February 2010

Check out vaginismus.

ashleym909 · February 2010

first off relax....if it's like a burning feeling, try lube. but #1 is to try and relax b/c it's fun, not stressfull. have fun! enjoy!

snowclouds · February 2010

I lurk, but I thought I'd give a shot at actually giving some advice for once:-) So here goes...all the above replies are good, but you might be in the same boat that I am which is...it always hurts (going to the dr next wk for that).

I've been married for a year now and I've found that lots of lube, foreplay, and telling yourself to relax really does help! Also, at first it might help if you do "stretching" exercises with 1-3 fingers.

Hopefully, that fixes the problem for you and don't worry my DH and I didn't have sex for the first month either...it happens.

kjewell · February 2010

LOTS of lube and it will hurt even with lube but after a couple times it will be much better. DH actually had to force it in our first time.

zaz123 · February 2010

Hi there,

I just wanted to mention that it's possible you have primary vaginismus. There's a great website called vaginismus.com that can help you get over this problem. It's a fantastic support network and might really help you. Best of luck.

zaz123 · February 2010

Double post

DivaVoceX2 · February 2010

I agree with those who suggested checking out vaginismus.com. Ask your gyno about it too.

C+S=forever · February 2010

I say lots of wine and lots of lube. Also remember you might tear your hymen (sp?) and that will hurt, and bleed. its normal and shouldn't happen more than once. Good luck!

fizzybauberswed · February 2010

This might sound weird, but try not to think about it. When DH and I tried to have sex at first it was as you described. I started worrying about it so much that I just tensed up even more which was counterproductive. Just relax, lots of foreplay and ease into the actual penetration.

AF_EOD_wife · February 2010

I remember being pretty scared my first time, and it's okay if you are, too. I agree with more foreplay, lube, etc. Try that and if you're still in pain then go see your doctor. I didn't enjoy sex for a couple of weeks because it is a big adjustment and that first time can be traumatic on your body. You will need to heal. So just start with making out, play some, find out what feels good to one another. Touch, kiss, lick, whatever. Just enjoy exploring. Then you can try moving forward, but just take things slowly as not to hurt yourself or your H. And it may just come down to him forcing it in. It does get better, good luck!

ericka818 · February 2010

My husband and I were both virgins, as well. Our wedding night wasn't that painful, but I felt really swollen and sore for most of the honeymoon. I have read some of the other replies and they gave good advice about a lot of stuff but I just wanted to let you know that we used the lubricant Astroglide and it was fabulous. I didn't have to have this done, but I have heard that you can go to your gyn and get your hymen either stretched or broken if you need to. Apparently it makes it easier. Good luck!

never4get2dream · February 2010

Thank you everyone! I will try the lube and other techniques. If they don't work we'll try something else. Confused

procella_lamia · February 2010

I agree with the above comments. Try lube, and lots of foreplay. Wine or a beer are also recommended. It'll get easier and better, or should at least. If you try again and are still having trouble, you might try using a vibrator of some sort or letting him use it on you. A small one could make the transition easier. Try to relax and have a good time though!

DevonStiles · February 2010

Foreplay + lube.

This is why I believe in premarital sex.

chewychigozie · February 2010

DevonStiles:
Foreplay + lube.

This is why I believe in premarital sex.

Pr!nc!pal_Dann!e · February 2010

This is just a normal thing that happens whn you are starting to have sex for the first time. Lots of lube and foreplay. I would also add that you should do a lot of manual stimulation either on yourselves or each other. Learning what needs pressure, rubbing, and or moisture is important in learning how to satisfy each other. play around, make it fun. No one ever said you had to have sex like a porn start right after getting hitched. Jesus doesn't even tell us that.

HisCB · March 2010

Pr!nc!pal_Dann!e:
I would also add that you should do a lot of manual stimulation either on yourselves or each other. Learning what needs pressure, rubbing, and or moisture is important in learning how to satisfy each other.

this is what i was going to say, he can learn your body, you can learn his. and vise versa.

Newlywed confusion

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