June 2009 Weddings
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Fight Poll
After trying to be the peacemaker between my sister and her FI this morning, I started thinking about how other couples fight and so I'm curious...
1. Do you tell your parents/siblings/friends when you are fighting with your spouse?
2. If you do, are you just looking for sympathy, advice or do you want them to be involved?
3. Would your spouse be angry if he knew you told these people?
4. When you fight is it an all-out yelling match or do you just get angry and then go calm down?
5. Who is usually the first one to apologize?
Re: Fight Poll
1. Do you tell your parents/siblings/friends when you are fighting with your spouse? Not normally, unless its already over and I'm just biitching
2. If you do, are you just looking for sympathy, advice or do you want them to be involved? I dont want them involved and I dont want my family to think badly of him so I try not to tell them
3. Would your spouse be angry if he knew you told these people? Probably, I would be angry if he told his parents about every little fight and even more angry if they tried to "help"
4. When you fight is it an all-out yelling match or do you just get angry and then go calm down? I yell... but DH prefers to just go calm down, some days that's better, some days it makes me angrier that he won't yell back.
5. Who is usually the first one to apologize? Generally me, unless it was 100% his fault because I generally have a shorter fuse and blow things out of proportion.
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1. Do you tell your parents/siblings/friends when you are fighting with your spouse? I'll tell my best friend. She's really the only one. And she does the same with me.
2. If you do, are you just looking for sympathy, advice or do you want them to be involved? I'm more just looking to vent to an outside source. So, I guess sympathy. Occassionally (but rarely) advice. I don't ever want anyone else to get involved.
3. Would your spouse be angry if he knew you told these people? Possibly...if I told more than my BFF.
4. When you fight is it an all-out yelling match or do you just get angry and then go calm down? My DH doesn't consider it a "fight" if it's not an all out yelling/crying/etc. match that lasts more than an hour. So, in our entire relationship (according to him) we've only had three fights. Otherwise, it's a "disagreement" or "discussion." In those cases, it's usually the latter (get angry/frustrated, then go calm down).
5. Who is usually the first one to apologize? Me. But then, I'm usually the one to get angry/frustrated/"start it," so I feel like I need to be the one to "end it" too.
1. Do you tell your parents/siblings/friends when you are fighting with your spouse? Fighting? No. Sometimes I'll talk to my mom about disagreements or discussions we're having. I most recently talked to her about DH not going to the doctor, not taking medicine, etc. and how that frustrated me a bit.
2. If you do, are you just looking for sympathy, advice or do you want them to be involved? When I talk to my mom, I'm looking for an objective opinion and advice. I don't want her to get involved.
3. Would your spouse be angry if he knew you told these people? No, he knows I talk to my mom about some things. He'd probably feel weird if I told her about an actual fight though.
4. When you fight is it an all-out yelling match or do you just get angry and then go calm down? Typically, we get angry, take a few minutes to stop talking and cool off, then come back and talk it out rationally.
5. Who is usually the first one to apologize? Honestly, it seems to be 50/50. Depends on the situation.
Honestly, I think your answers are exactly my answers! Except I will talk to a certain friend (sometimes seeking advice) and he has one friend he does the same with. Outside of those two people, we don't talk.
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1. I may complain a little about him but if it's a major fight I keep it to myself. We've never had a big blow out fight ever. Sure lots of little fights but we've never done something to make the other that upset.
2. I ask for advice, but I'm always asking for advice on everything.
3. Nah he probably wouldn't care.
4. A tiny bit of yelling as I am walking away to calm down. I try not to say anything mean though and fight fair.
5. Depends who started the fight. We both are good at apologizing to the other.
1. Do you tell your parents/siblings/friends when you are fighting with your spouse? Absolutely not. My family is drama - they will share with everyone they talk to (family or not) and I hate my personal business being shared like that.
On my wedding day my aunt gave me a few pieces of advice. One piece of it was 'Never tell your family things about DH when you are mad at him. You will forgive him. 9 out of 10 times they will not.'
3. Would your spouse be angry if he knew you told these people? Yes, we have an understanding that our arguments are to be kept personal.
4. When you fight is it an all-out yelling match or do you just get angry and then go calm down? We have had arguments when voices are raised more often then not we argue without raising our voices.
5. Who is usually the first one to apologize? Me. Since it's usually my fault.
You mean, how do I fight with myself? Alex isn't a fighter. In the nearly ten years we've been together, he's started an argument maybe a half dozen times. Maybe.
1. Do you tell your parents/siblings/friends when you are fighting with your spouse? I always tell my best friends. Sometimes I tell my sister and mum, but it is really only when I'm looking for sympathy.
2. If you do, are you just looking for sympathy, advice or do you want them to be involved? When I tell my girlfriends, I am always looking for advice or perspective. When I tell my family, it is usually just for sympathy. My family is amazing (and I value their opinion), but they do not argue productively. At all.
3. Would your spouse be angry if he knew you told these people? He knows that I b!tch to my girlfriends on a semi-annual basis, but he doesn't care. I know he does the same with his guy friends. I think that it is healthier than continually re-hashing the issue with each other. We value perspective.
4. When you fight is it an all-out yelling match or do you just get angry and then go calm down? This is how it usually goes. I get upset (for a real reason or stress), and start to get "huffy" (Alex's word). I stomp around a little (or sulk, depending on my mood) and look for things to fight about to relieve whatever tension I'm feeling. Then I pick something and I proceed to "talk loudly" (yell) for a few minutes, then storm off. Alex gives me space for the next five to ten minutes, then he comes to find me (it is very hard in our HUGE NYC apartment haha), and asks what is really up. Then I cry and vent for 15 minutes, he hugs me, apologizes for the stress, and we go on our merry way.
When Alex is stressed, he just needs space, so I give it to him. He's always pretty open when something is bothering him, so when he's ready, he'll come to me and we'll chat. Much more effective than my way, but I secretly think he loves my flair for dramatics...:)
5. Who is usually the first one to apologize? I would say that 99% of the time (since I start the fights), I apologize first. But I usually only apologize for handling the issue wrong, not necessarily for the issue itself.
I survived the RoLex wedding and all I got was this lousy husband.
One&Only Palmilla - Los Cabos, Mexico
Very smart marriage advice! I find myself being judgemental in the exact same way with my sister's fiance.
1. Do you tell your parents/siblings/friends when you are fighting with your spouse? No.
2. If you do, are you just looking for sympathy, advice or do you want them to be involved? If I did it would be for sympathy and advice...but I don't
3. Would your spouse be angry if he knew you told these people? Angry is too strong a word, but he wouldn't be thrilled. I wouldn't be thrilled if he went running to his family and friends for the same thing too. These people are permanent fixtures in my life now...having a MIL or something that hates me would be a bad thing.
4. When you fight is it an all-out yelling match or do you just get angry and then go calm down? We've never had a yelling match. We get aggravated, take some time on our own to calm down, and then discuss things.
5. Who is usually the first one to apologize? Usually its more of a discussion than an apology.
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