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Sorry I keep venting about this.(LONG)
I know I haven't been on much, and clearly, with all my venting, maybe you now know why. The few times I have posted lately have been to b!tch and complain about my MIL. Truth is, you girls are the only ones who will listen (well, at least I think you do), I have no one else to talk about it with, I mean ya, there's M, but he's going through it to so it's just not the same.
Tonight M went over there to try to talk to his mother. I was told by M and SIL that she pretty much ignored him for the most part. He went over there to ask 1 question because of what I had heard earlier. I got home from work and our little apartment isn't very big, we have a door that leads out to the garage, I heard MIL having a phone conversation with someone out there (a closed garage echoes for those who don't realize it), I had nothing on in the house (ie t.v., etc) to block out the chatter, so I heard it ALL, without even intentionally listening, sure I could have turned on the t.v. out of curtosey, but I was cleaning, I had just got out of work, I'm stressed/nerved out to the max, I didn't want any "noise". Anyway, the good majority of her conversation of course consisted of b!tching about me, M, SIL and her FI. I won't get into what she said about SIL and FI but M and I, I just don't get it. I know I keep saying it, but I really don't. Whoever it was she was talking to (I firmly believe it was her SIL) a part of it was "and we have the two out back causing problems", ummmm WTF are you talking about you crazy psycho. Then she bitched about the four of us (M, me SIL FI) talking all the time, texting, talking online etc. Ummmm, okay so are we not allowed to hang out anymore and talk or something? Then I heard her say she actually went to her FLUCKING LAWYER yesterday to get his opinion and legal options. Supposedly he told her "as a friend" that she needs to get us all out. Then she blamed all of us for her marial problems, WE are the reason her and FIL are at each others throats everyday. I didn't tell M that part, all I had to mention was the "we cause problems" and the lawyer suggesting getting rid of us and he was pissed.
SO, needless to say his question to his parents was asking if they are planning on kicking us out anytime soon so we could have some kind of heads up because we have NOTHING (as far as furniture and stuff) and so we could start looking if need be. He then asked if we could "please stay here until we find a house". Like I said, MIL pretty much sat there smoking her cancer sticks and ignored him. FIL told M it isn't even a thought on his end to kick us out at all, now, or anywhere in the near future. He said even IF that were the case they have to legally give us 30 days.
Finally M just couldn't take it anymore and looked at his mother, this was the conversation "You aren't my mother right now" "M, I am who I am" "No, you aren't, you are a different person" "So what, are you saying I'm nobody then?" "No, I'm saying you aren't my mother right now" "Well, what do you want M?" "I want you to quit smoking and get a shot of estrogen, that's what I want" "M, the person I have a problem with isn't even hear right now" (now, keep in mind, I was the ONLY person not in the room/over the house, so they all knew at the time who she was referring to) "Well, I can get her over here then and you can tell her" "M, I need some time to think" "About what mom? The fact that she did NOTHING to make you feel the way you do about her? You know what you said to Jess the other say was uncalled for" "What did I say?" "You said you don't want her here alone anymore" "No, that's NOT what I said" "Oh, I'm sorry I'm sorry, let me correct myself, you said that you don't trust her and never will, which I don't get mom because as far as I'm concerned she's done NOTHING to you to make you think that, you have no reason to talk about my wife the way you do" and he walked out because she didn't respond. Now I don't know if I mentioned this before but here's what we THINK she's going to tell me, eventually. Backstory: Our cat is under her name at the vets (well WAS) because M has a cat and then there's our cats sister who they also have, with the 3 cats under 1 account, we got a discount. She got ALL the reminders on appointments, when they were due for shots, etc. Last month (Feb) she gave me the reminder that our cat was due for 2 shots and her annual exam. I saw the date on the thing and it was A MONTH OLD. We let it be, we just chalked it up to things being on her mind, whatever, we tried to be understanding. I called the vet to make the appointment for OUR cat, now because she was under HER account, ALL the cats pop up when they pull her name up, so the girl who I was talking to mentioned to me that the other 2 cats were also over due, so, I just jotted down exactly what the girl told me, she even tried getting me to make an appointment for them as well. I declined. Anyway, I left the sticky note with our cats appt. on it and the note about the other 2 on the counter so M would see it, and so I wouldn't forget. Later that afternoon I get a text from SIL saying that MIL is rip shiit at me. Now, MIL used to bring our mail over for us while we were at work everyday (don't ask, we never asked her to, she's just compulsive) and left it on the counter. Apparently while over there this particular day she took it upon herself to READ THE FLUCKING NOTE. It piissed her off. She went home, went to SIL and her FI and told FI to look online for another vets because she was going to start taking "her cats to another vets because her business is her business" and she told them about the note. SIL thought it was rude of her to go into OUR house (we DO pay rent) and read a note NOT TO HER on OUR counter. Mind you, there was nothing "bad" in it, all it said is exactly what I said it did previously. She LOST IT. She told FIL about it and he told her what she did was wrong and I did nothing wrong, I told M about it and he flipped out on her that night about it.
Anyway, THAT is what we all think she STILL hasn't gotten over. Other than that, I have not spoken to, or seen in for a while, specifically to avoid saying/doing anything that might/would piiss her off because she's been so crazy. So NONE of us (well, except FIL now) know what her issue with me is because she won't grow a pair and talk to me, she has to have a sit down with EVERYONE. M and SIL told me to just follow along, I told them both IF and WHEN this all happens she can talk to me till she's blue in the face, I am DONE and I have nothing to say to her, I have lost all respect for her and I don't want to talk to her about it. It may sound childish, but it saves a big long, argument (she's a yeller) if I just sush up. Talking with her is pointless, she's stubborn and it's her way or the highway in a conversation/argument. Frankly I'd rather save my energy on something useful.
So now, not only do I not feel welcome here, but neither does M. He even told his Dad we both feel it and said that we can take a hint when given it.
My issue now is I'm terrified of losing M over all this, even though I've straight out asked him and he laughs and says "No, why would you think that? I will NOT allow it, just stick with ME". Like I said, my nerves are shot, my boss even noticed my apparent constant shaking today when I was handing her a piece of paper.
Again, I'm sorry to vent about this AGAIN. If you read this whole thing, I really appreciate your listening.
Re: Sorry I keep venting about this.(LONG)
Sheri, first off ::BIGHUGS:: for you.
I can't believe that your psycho b!tch MIL is this pissed off over a stupid note about some vet stuff! This woman is TOXIC to her whole family and I can't believe that you have even put up with her as long as you have. I'm praying that you find a healthy living situation for you and M soon. I say healthy because where you are now is effecting you physically & mentally and the constant shaking at work really shows this.
I'm worried about you. I'll be thinking about you and praying for you and M to find some place to live quick!
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I think its awesome that M is standing by your side and not being the devil's advocate and trying to reason about MIL's actions. That can be so easy when its two people you care about pitted against each other. Give him a big hug for that!
I hope everything works out, keep us posted, and as always, vent as much as needed.
Sheri---this is just plain crazy! It truly is!
Unfortunately, you can't rationalize with someone that is like this and doesn't see they are nor do they want help (estrogen, etc...).
My hopes are that you and M get out of there and get back to being you two... vs. having her to deal with like this... M's been with you through a lot... sounds like he's def on your side and THAT is not a worry...
Hugs to you!!! I'm very sorry this is happening!
This sh!t is ka-razee!
And as mom reminds me- you can't be rational with the irrational.
Hugs, sweetie during this difficult time. Hope you can get things worked out somehow. We're here for you!
I hope you find another place really quickly. That lady is crazy!!
And... I don't think you have anything to worry about with you and M. His conversation with her about you shows that there is nothing going to come between the two of you. He sounds just a sick of it as you are and ready to get out also.
GL I'll be sending T&P your way.
What Rachel said. Forget who she was because she's BS crazy now. You can't rationalize with her. And if it doesn't look like you're going to be able to buy a house in the next 2 months after your meeting this weekend, I would seriously reconsider renting. This is not worth your sanity.
Ditto this! I hope you and M can get out of there soon. You don't deserve this stress. T&P's are with you to get through this craziness!
Oh Boy - your MIL needs help - this is not just "the change" she needs counceling and meds. (And I know you can't make her do it.)
At this point it seems like the only option is to get out of that home. try to find a cheap, short term rental (house that is for sale, end of someone else's lease on an apartment...something).
You can't live like that b/c it is affecting your health and well being now.
I'm so happy that M is on your side and will stick with you even though his mom has it out for you. He is a smart man!
TTC #1 13 cycles, CP 6/09, TTC #2 1 cycle
CDing, EP'd for 13 months for #1, BFing for #2
Pregnancy Hypertension - inductions at 39w, I grow big babies: DD was 9 pounds 1 ounce 22 inches, DS was 11 pounds even 22 inches - both vaginal deliveries
Actually considering the area you're in, closer to the beach I've seen off-season rentals until May/June with lower rent than they would have in summer months. That would give you a few months of time and ususally they're even furnished.
I'm kinda on the other side of the fence on this, suprisingly enough. It sounds to me like she has just had it with everyone being in her house and I can sorta understand that. He is her son and you are his wife so no, she doesnt want to straight up kick either of you out or M's sister but at the same time she wants peace.
If for some odd reason in her mind she sees it that you guys are mooching or whatever the case may be, nothing you, M, SIL or anyone else can say will change that. She sounds like she thinks that some or all have worn out their welcome but she can't just cut ties because you guys are her family.
I would probably be a little crazy if I were in that situation too.
I lived with my ex and his mother. We weren't there for very long and all we did was go to work and come home. One day she called J out of the blue while we were at dinner and told him that if I was with him when he came home that she would blow my head off. Taking her seriously, we called the police and they found her sitting at the front door with a shotgun. She was committed that night and we moved out.
I am not taking your BSC MILs side here at all but I am saying that if it really is that bad. Get out. Plain and simple. No saving. No waiting until the time is right, etc. Get out. No, it may not be the ideal situation but neither is still living at her house, according to her.
WOAH Dude
My heart goes out to you! I truely feel so sad for you that you are in this situation. If house buying doesnt happen, you guys just need to move out and find an apartment or something until you can buy.
Maybe once you are removed from the situation, M can at least possibly salvage a relationship with his mom...but If I were in your shoes, I would be done with her as well.
That sucks and you certainly don't deserve this!!!
I totally agree that you need to get out of there. Your MIL has some serious mental issues, but you also don't have very definitive boundaries with her. What happens in your home is your business and no one elses. I'm proud of M for standing up to his mom and supporting you through this, too. Good for him!
Move out as soon as you can, even if you have to move to some podunk little hole. At least it would be yours and you won't have the proximity issues. Then, stop communicating with her in any way. Don't talk about her to anyone, just stop acknowledging her existence. If she wants to be a part of M's life, eventually she will have to come to you guys . . . at which time you will have the upper hand. Lay down your rules, and follow them. If she pops out of line again, go back to ignoring her existence. Trust me, it works.