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Need wedding related advice
So our friends are getting married in May. DH is in the wedding, I am not. It's a destination wedding, but we can drive, but we still have to pay for the hotel room... which is fine. So DH is going to the bachelor party, which is a deep sea fishing trip somewhere... they are staying in a villa, chartering a boat, etc. Then I got invited to the bachelorette party, which is a lingerie shower, dinner, a pole dancing class, and going out... and I think they're planning on renting a limo or a party bus or something, and it seems as though the MOH wants to split the costs. Then we also got invited to their couple's shower....
All and all, the costs are really adding up. Between gifts for showers and the wedding, the hotel room (for 2 nights), the tux, the bachelor and bachelorette party.... It's just getting out of control. DH and I are going to come up with a number that we are comfortable spending, and try to make it work.... and hopefully we can do everything. DH already said he was 100% going to the bachelor party, so that's not changing... but what is the etiquette on everything else? Are there certain things to cut out?Any advice you wonderful ladies have would really help me out. TIA!
Re: Need wedding related advice
The MOH and BMs should cover the costs of a car/bus and not put it on the guests--I understand you paying for your own drinks, but more than that, no. Like pp said, how close are you and do you really want to go?
Also, rather than using joint funds to pay for the bachelor party trip, do you two having savings for your own fun money he can spend that way it doesn't affect your overall spending/budget?
Actually - I disagree. I think that it is perfectly ok for the attendees at a bachelorette party to pay for part of things as long as it is totally made clear up front. When my sister got married, the bridal party paid for the shower, dinner, and transportation. We took a pole dancing class and asked the attendees to chip in $10 for that part and obviously drinks were on them. If people didn't want to pay for the lesson, they could join us later at the bar.
As for you - I think that you're going to be on the hook for the shower if it is local but you could probably politely decline the bachelorette party. I can't imagine that there are too many brides who wouldn't be able to sympathize with needing to save money to be there at the actual wedding.
If it were us in that situation, the first thing I would cut out (and think it's perfectly OK to) is the bachelorette party. It sounds like a big expense and you're not actually in the WP, so I don't think you shouldn't feel like you have to go. Or maybe see if you can meet them for just dinner and a drink and be your own transportation if you're located close enough.
I also think it's perfectly OK to scale down the wedding and shower gifts from what you usually give if you're (well, DH) is in the wedding party. They have to understand that you're spending a lot to attend the wedding/events and not expect much.
I completely agree. I remember when I was planning a B-party for a friend of mine, her sister was APPALLED that she was being asked to pay her way (like everyone else). She wanted me to pay for the whole thing, hence "hosting" a b-party. This is the one and only time I have heard of this, especially with how big B-parties are getting these days (trips, hotels, spa treatments, etc.).
It is fair and doable that everyone pays for themselves and that they cover the bride.
In your shoes I would:
1. Not attend the bachelorette unless you are good friends with the bride.
2. Scale down/not buy wedding/shower gifts (DH and I did not expect our wedding party to buy/rent clothing and pay for hotel on top of a wedding or shower gift)
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Thanks for the advice ladies. To answer some questions, DH and the groom are friends from high school... the bride and I have only hung out with our husbands... always hanging out as couples. So even though we see each other quite often, we're not very close.
And I agree with pp about the bachelorette party. In theory, I have no problem paying my way, or splitting the costs if I'm going to take part in the activities. So it's not that specifically that's bothering me. But we're just adding up all these expenses in the next few months and it's getting out of hand. I just need to draw the line somewhere. And I don't want to be considered cheap or not supportive...
I'm going to contact her MOH and see what she thinks the total expense will be for the bachelorette party, per person, which should make this easier to talk about.
This... AND who all wants to go to Angela's baby shower? I know I just invited like 20 girls...and myself....and it is months away....just trying to plan ahead....
You ladies are all so totally invited. And you don't have to buy me anything, I just want to hang out with everyone!!
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