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New to the Boards - Have a question..
Hi everyone, I'm new to this board. I usually just read the other posts. I could use some advice though. I got married back in August of 08. My mother in law put on her list, her best friend, and her two daughters and her son. All were invited with guests. The 2 daughters came to my wedding, were invited to my shower and gave me a lovely and very generous gift. I've always had a great relationship with my MIL's friend. She's sweet to me everytime I see her, and I'm always respectful. I'm friendly with both her daughters. Well, now for the situation... One of the daughters was pregnant and the mom and sister threw her a shower. I wasn't invited. My MIL was, as well as my SIL who both live in the same house as me. I found out about the shower on facebook to make it worse when the sister's status was "Thanks everyone for coming to the shower - Had a great time". Then I also found out that my SIL went to this shower and so did my MIL. My husband went to his mother and asked why I wasn't invited and she said "Why would she be? They were my guests at her shower". My husband was surprised, but also knows that his mom has a tendency to not have a clue about things like this - no manners on his side sometimes unfortunately. I haven't said anything to anyone about this, except for my husband. He knew I was upset which was why he did go ask his mom in the first place. Should I say anything to my mother in law or should I let it go and know that when the time comes when I get pregnant myself 
) just make sure they are NOT invited? I'm just a little put off. Should I be? And shouldn't my inlaws have wanted me to be included? Thanks everyone in advance for the advice.
Re: New to the Boards - Have a question..
First of all, welcome to the board!!
Now on for my advice-- I understand why you are put off. I think it's hard when families live together and someone goes ahead and doesn't invite all people in the same household for something like this. It's also hard when you feel like you have extended the invitation in the other direction. But, I also know that it can be hard when making invites and not wanting it to be too large or whatever. My mom was very hurt when she found out that her friend's daughter was married and she was not invited to the wedding. The friend and all her kids (seven plus a spouse) had been invited to mine. I guess the daughter had wanted a small wedding, however, and I think this was where they made some tough decisions.
I would try not to have hard feelings about it. Yes, it's a little weird that your MIL didn't think that you might be hurt by this but, as you said, it can be hard to navigate these sorts of situations.
Hi and welcome to the board!
Ok, I wrote a whole reply, but thought you were talking about your SIL's shower. lol Let me reread and see what I've missed...duh!
Hi there, welcome
Ok, personally, the person I would be more upset with would be your in laws. How is it that you live in the same house, and don't know what's going on in each other's lives? I would be so hurt if this happened to me, not b/c I wasn't invited to the shower-- being friendly vs. friends really makes a difference in these things-- but I'd be upset that everyone was in on it and you found out on FB of all places! It would have been completely appropriate of your MIL or SIL to inquire why you weren't also invited (was it a small, close friends and family only thing?) and then to explain to you, "hey, listen, Showergirl is having a shower and it's just close friends, so please don't be insulted." I also find it really jarring that your MIL said they were "her guests" at your shower. It sounds like she feels a little "us vs. them" mentality, which needs to be worked out between you. I would really focus on your relationship with your in laws, rather than these tenuated acquaintances-- improve your communication with them, and build that close family unit. Don't send your DH to talk to them, go yourself, it's the only way (I think) to build trust and comfort. Just explain how you feel, be polite, and make sure you know the focus of the convo is to become closer, not to vent
Good luck!
Hi everyone. Thanks for the warm welcome, and for the advice! I do feel better knowing that I'm not completely off the wall. That's why these boards seem great. I was able to bounce my thoughts off you ladies before I ended up saying something I shouldn't have. I think I'll just keep it quiet for now, and if the subject comes up, I'll talk to my mother in law and tell her how I feel. We have a good relationship, which is why I'm surprised and slightly I was left out of the loop like this.
And thanks again - it really helps to get the point of view of people who are outside of a situation. Helps to make sense of it
)