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I need some advice!
I met this really nice elderly man named Bruce at the grocery store and I've helped him to his car a few times. I have no idea how old he is but his vision seems ok, his hearing is great, and he's a really smart and funny guy. He walks really stiffly with a walker and I have no idea how he gets through every day like that.
I found out on Sunday through some small talk that he lives alone. It seems like he's never been married, no kids, and possibly no family around. He asked me if I was looking for a position to be a caretaker, but I explained to him that I have a full time job as a teacher (well, as of now... we'll see, stupid budget cuts) so I can't. But he gave me his number and address and I offered to check up on him once in a while, and if I come across somebody that could help him out I would let him know.
I spoke without really thinking what I was really getting involved in. Joe thinks it would be fine to help him go pick up groceries once a week and help him around the house a little on the weekends if he needs it.
In the meanwhile I thought I would help him find a caretaker by calling places and looking online. I've spoken to an agency and I'll call Bruce this weekend to let him know what I found.
I guess what I'm getting at is, should I involve myself in his life like this? Now that I've talked to him and gotten to know his situation I would feel terrible not doing anything for him. But on the other hand I feel like it's such a big commitment. If we go to his house to help him out, I have no idea what type of situation I'm walking into.
I know this is wishy washy but what would you do?
Re: I need some advice!
Aw, first I'm slightly sentimental because I have an old grocery store guy too. His name is Bill and he's so adorable, but he's slow getting around. He came in every day and when I worked in the bakery, I always snuck an extra sugar twist in his bag. He loves those things!
I miss Bill. Luckily Vik still works there though, so I run into him occasionally.
If Bruce is anything like Bill, I absolutely know how you feel. Fortunately, Bill has a grandson that was with him fairly often so I know he has help. If that weren't the case, I would feel completely compelled to help out.
You're right, it's a huge commitment. What if instead of going to his house to be a caretaker, you offered to pick him up once a week to run errands? That's something that I'm sure will just get more difficult for him and I'm sure he'd appreciate the company too. Then you can do your errands (grocery shopping, post office, etc) at the same time. Granted, it will take longer, but it would be a nice middle ground.
I also think it would be nice of you to help him find a full-time or in-home caretaker as well.
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I would do the same thing, it doesn't hurt to help an older guy out. its not like you're offering to have him come live with you. You're simply looking out and hey thats good karma! Just make sure you dont get too personal or share too much information because there are some crazy people out there. keep it simple. I dont see any problem with trying to find someone else to help him either.
i think it's nice that you're keeping tabs on him and trying to find him a more permanent caregiver!
I was thinking but couldn't come up with anything, until I read Andrea's reply. I think this is a great idea. The once a week thing would greatly help him out, I'm sure, and it's not a full-time commitment that you aren't able to do right now.
And agreed, keeping an eye out for a FT caretaker would be nice too.
Call your Area Agency on Aging. They can send a caseworker to evaluate his situation and see if he qualifies for the services they offer, or at least give him referrals for services. It seems as though he really does want the help or else he would not have asked you about it.
http://dpss.lacounty.gov/dpss/ihss/default.cfm
ETA: link
I think that Andreas advice is great, that way he can get out of the house and you can help him with his errands. You are too sweet Nami!
As someone that has gotten sucked into the elderly care lifestyle and not able to get out... I would watch. Believe me, its sad to think about and that is why I still keep going to my gram and great aunts daily even though its really getting to me. I have to much of a heart to leave them stranded. (I'm thankful that there is now alittle help in my situation and my aunt has been stepping up cause things were getting really tough for them for awhile) But caring for the elderly is SUCH a big responsiblity. What I'd be nervous about is it might start out as a shopping trip once a week and turn into a daily thing and you'll feel bad saying no. Or when the man starts getting very sick and you end up being a decision maker for him etc.
I would def try to help him find help though. The agency is a good start. Where I live there is a free program for elderly... nurses that come check them. Some one to take them to drs appointments or the store. etc.
I would stick to being a friend and not the caregiver if at all possible. But its really sweet what you're doing Nami!
yes. yes. this.
I agree. I think this is the best solution. They will be able to help him more than you can. I think its really nice of you to even consider doing this for him though.
~~~MARRIED BIO~~~
I definitely agree.
I think you have a heart of gold and there should be more people on this planet who are just like you!
Thanks Ger.
Tammy, I had thought of you and your situation with your grandma. I was hoping you could give me some insight.
THanks for the advice and the link. I'll definitely look into it. I know you guys are right and that there are other people out there who will be able to help him.
I think I have another cavity from this sweetness!
I think its great that you help him out at the store. I would just stick to the grocery store trips and maybe a day to help him run errands. But realize that you are going to get attached (probably already are) and (this is harsh, but reality) he isn't going to be around forever. But it seems like he needs someone like you in his life. He needs someone to care for once. Just tell him/make him understand you can't be his fulltime caretaker, but that you want to help him as much as you can.
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