Sex & Romance
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
no sex drive
so we've been married for a little over a year. I love him so much. I'm so glad we are together... you know what I mean. However... I have had the hardest time getting horny. My husband says that he wishes that I would just 'jump his bones' but I just never have the desire too. I know that there is more behind this. After we got married I started have abnormal paps. I have had about 5 in the past year and two biopsy's. He gave me hpv cause he's the only guy I have been with. I'm not mad at him, I fully accept him and love him and don't hold a grudge. I just don't ever feel turned on. I really wish I was. I really want to desire sex and him sexually. He's being patient with me and understands that because of all the medical drama it's been hard for me. I don't know.... I just need to get my mojo going!!! I wanna be a good wife and satify him in the bedroom. Any suggestions? PLEASE!!
Re: no sex drive
He gave you HPV and you are questioning why you don't want "to jump his bones"...Honey, there's your answer.
If you want to work on this I advise counseling, because its pretty hard to have sex with someone who gave you an STD.
Regardless, it's an STD that your husband gave you. WHether you realize it or not, subconciously it seems to be effecting your sex drive, from the sound of it. I suggest you work through your issues about it.
Has your sex drive always been like this? Or is this a new thing?
try spending a few evenings together doing something intimate and/or romantic. Go out shopping for some lingerie together, then dinner to get talking and that might help set you in the mood. You will have to explain to him that the whole HPV deal got to your head and its affecting emotionally, so he just has to do a little more then just caress you to get you horny.
Being a good wife =/= having sex all the time.
I was sick for over a month and a half starting almost right after we got married. We didn't have sex for almost two months. DH's d*ck didn't fall off in that time. Just get through your medical issues first and foremost.
Talk to your Gyno about your sex drive. And also talk about the psychological stuff too. They are not only trained medically but they also know that a lot of sex problems stem from psychological issues. KWIM?
I see two options here. First, fake it until you make it. If you really want to feel the urge to "jump his bones" then do just that! Do whatever it takes--put on something sexy, throw back a glass of wine, and go for it (or go for it in your pajamas, or just naked, whatever it takes). The women on these boards say all the time that the more you have sex, the more you want sex. Try that and see how it works.
Second option? Counseling for you, and a visit to your GYN. Seems like you have some issues with the STI, maybe you can try figuring that out in counseling. Otherwise, maybe it is a hormone issue that you can figure out with your GYN.
i was going to say the same thing.
when you think about it, send him a text message, something sexy, "been thinking about you all day" "did i tell you about my dream last night" etc then follow up with something to make him know whats on your mind, through out the day, follow up, it may be easier to "fake it" when there is no pressure to "jump" right then, get yourself in the mood, by the time you see him, (hopefully) you will both be in the mood. take a bath, shave your legs and bikini line. do something for yourself that youd like him to do for you, ie light candles, pour wine, turn on some love music cd. when he get home, dont do anything that might ruin the mood, no dinner or talking or reading mail, just kiss him, take control, pull him down the hall as you take off your clothes. enjoy what follows.
oh and also get couseling about the sti
I've sort of been having a similar problem, but for a different reason (birth contorl side effect)
What I've been trying is just putting forth the effort, even if your not really in the mood. Maybe a steamy bath/shower together, find some lingerie and dress up. As someone else had said fake your enthusiasm, a little. If you are like me, your mind wants to, but you body doesn always seem to care. If you put forth the effort to satisy 'his needs', it will help your relationship, and hopefully your body will come around and let you get really into it as well.
HPV isn't consider an STD, but I get what you mean. With sex for woman its in our heads, hell half the time I'm thinking that if we have sex the laundry won't get done.
I have gone through something similar with my sex drive, my health isn't the best and I'm always concerned because of tests and whatnot so that's where my head is. Thankfully my hubby understands, hates it, but understand. Sometime I have my period twice a month, so when you factor in the PMSing, I never feel like having it. I've been trying to cop eiwth my stress and notice it helps.
Someone suggested natural elixirs, tonics and supplements that are available to boost a woman's sex drive. I was thinking of looking into them.
Your hubby loves you and understands, just focus on getting yourself feeling better, the rest will come. And if worse comes to worse, schedule sex and just do it. I think sometimes as women, we forget that we like it after we start, even if we weren't horny or ready to "jump their bones" to begin with.
good luck.