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What is the polite way to handle this?
My ex-neighbor is coming into town this weekend. She sent out an email this week inviting a handful of girls to hang out on Thursday night, all of which declined except me and another neighbor. I was hesitant to accept the invite because that last time we went out with this group my bill ended up being way more than I wanted to spend since the restaurant picked was pricey. I did accept but said in my email that a certain restaurant would be my pick since the cheap side of me liked the dinner and drink special they had on Thursdays, figuring that would be a good hint that I didn't want to fork out a ton of money. Come to find out there had been discussions behind the scenes and it was basically already decided that they want to go to the Wild Turkey Lounge (at Agnus Barn)! Gees! I then told them that I was conerned about the price, trying to be truthful without being a party-pooper and even offered to go to a sushi place (which has buy 1 get 1) for dinner and then maybe just do drinks there (figuring I'll limit myself to one glass). I also offered to have girl's night at my house and I'd provide appetizers and wine (since we have a ton already) since they both love our hot tub, but that offer was never responded to. Well I just got another email for my current neighbor saying "I was looking forward to the Turkey but am up for anything."
I think this is completely rude! I would love to go this place too, but have already made it clear that money was the concern. And now I feel like I'm messing up all of their plans mainly because I'm trying to watch my budget. Ugh! I want to write something back saying that I'm fine with them going without me because I don't want to feel like they picked somewhere cheap and aren't enjoying themselves because I'm not willing to spend a lot of money. I bet they'll say "oh no, you should come" but I'm not sure I even want to go anymore since clearly I'm messing up their plan.
Any suggestions?
Re: What is the polite way to handle this?
It sounds like you've made your concerns known several times about the cost of the evening. At this point, I'd probably say "I know that you guys have been looking forward to going to the Wild Turkey. I really can't afford to go there, so I'm going to have to decline your invitation." I don't think you need to say anything more than that. And if they do say "Oh you should come" without a sincere offer to change the location, then just say again and politely that you can't.
I had a similar situation in December- some old friends from college were coming to town and suggested that we all go out to an expensive restaurant for dinner. I basically said that I couldn't afford to go there but that they should go anyway, which they did. It did feel a little uncomfortable saying that I couldn't afford something that they all apparently could. The fact that they cared more about where to go out to dinner rather than getting to see each other irritated me, but ultimately it wasn't worth going way over what I could afford just for one night out.
This. It's true....the something that "came up" is that they didn't listen to your budget concerns. You don't have to go into specifics unless they really bug you.
This is exactly how I feel! And the last time that I blew the budget for a girls' night with them was only 2 weeks ago! So DH will kill me if I do that again!And I completely agree that it feels wrong to pick a restaurant over friends.
I should also note that I know at least one other neighbor declined soley on the money aspect, although she didn't tell them that. But she offered to have a bbq one afternoon instead, which they still haven't replied to. So at least I'm not the only one who can't afford these nights on the town!
"I don't want you to miss out on Turkey since you'll be in town for a short time, so I guess I'll just have to catch you next time"