Sex & Romance
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what what in the butt
Okay soo My Fiance and I have tried this before (anal), approx 6 months ago. I knew he ahd never tried it before and really wanted to and I wanted to do it with him so I went and got a sexy outfit to dress up in (i love to dress up) and I got "analyse me" which is a lube that actually numbs the area when applied. We had a little wine...I got dressed up as a surprise...pulled out the analyse me and we applied it and OOOMMMGGG he tried to put it in and i wanted to die. I think i literally ran across the bed from him. ran into the corner and wanted to cry. lol sounds funny, but i was in so much pain!! i was like laughing but wanting to cry at the same time. I couldnt believe how painful it was for me. I kept trying to relax myself and think of other things, but nothing seemed to work. Needless to say that attempt was a huge failure and ever since then, I cant bring myself to want to try it again. he wants to for sure...hes a great guy and doesnt push it and usually only mentions that he wants to do it in a joke here and there and then drops it. I want to do it for him..i really do! But how?!? He is bigger then average...not just long, but def has some girth to him if you know what i mean....HELP!! any suggestions??
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Re: what what in the butt
Well, I wouldn't use the analyse me lube at all - you want to be able to feel the pain if it's hurting. Otherwise how would you know to stop?
My DH and I have only done this twice so far, so I'm not going to be the best source of advice, but what works for me is a couple of drinks before hand, LOTS of foreplay, and TONS of lube. Both times we have done this my DH has gone down on me for a long, long time, gradually slipping a finger and then two up my butt while doing it. He's made sure I've had a bunch of orgasms, and then gently gotten his penis to my butt and let me work it down and over.
It also helps that he won't move until I have him in and I'm relaxed. Then the fun really starts - and it can be amazing!!
I think with products like the analyse me, you have to put it on 30 minutes ahead of time to give the product time to work before you try anal. That might help if you didn't do that.
Otherwise I agree with PP. Have at least one O before had so you can really relax and get super horny, lots of lube. When we've tried DH always starts with a finger and goes to 2 or even 3 before we try anything else (he's got a big girth too). Then he'll start to enter my butt and I'll stop him as I need to so I can relax then he'll put a little more in. Sometimes this process can take several minutes before he gets all of the way in. Then he goes really slow until I start to relax and then can enjoy it.
Sometimes I can't relax at all and we have to stop and do something else. Maybe you should just try again another time and you'll have more success.
I have been exactly where you are. My boyfriend wanted to try it and I was always against it. It hurt so bad I wanted to cry the first time. This is the least painful way I have found: Lay on your side, with him on his side behind you. Use a LOT of lube. Then make sure you relax and have him go slow and use a vibrator on your **** while he goes in.
Anal sex isn't for everyone, but since it sounds like it appealed to you before don't let one bad experience turn you off it forever.
The first time I had anal sex it was totally unplanned, but it felt great and there was no problem at all. The second time, about a month later with the same guy, was the most painful experience of my life. The pain was so bad I could barely get out the word "stop", and when I finally did (which I'm sure was just a second later, but it felt like ages) I ran to the bathroom and cried. I think it just depends on where your mind is at the time and how relaxed you are. Definitely try it again, after a few glasses of wine and a TON of foreplay. Just keep reminding yourself that the fact that it was painful last time doesn't mean it will be painful now.
Good luck and have fun!
BFP on Jan. 18; EDD Oct. 1
I agree with others who say that numbing the area is not a good idea. You want to stop if it's painful. It shouldn't be painful (not that it won't ever be, as you've experienced, but if it IS painful then you should stop).
I luckily had a mind-blowing, amazing experience the first time I tried anal sex, so I know how good it can be. And I've had amazing experiences since. But there are days when it's not happening and I need to tell my H to stop immediately.
You got some great advice already. Definitely have him use a finger first, then maybe two, etc. But do that only once you're all ramped up. Take it really, really slowly. Anal can be incredibly pleasurable when it's good.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
This position is really good. I've noticed when we do it like that I'm generally more relaxed. Also, foreplay, foreplay, foreplay! I agree with having at least one O beforehand. Again, it relaxes you. Forget the analyse, just use regular lube, lots and lots of it! I recomend something for sensitive skin when trying anal. But if it continues to hurt, stop. Tell your FI what's going on and then move on to another position. No reason to let it be a buzz kill. BUT, if he persists or pressures you tell him to drop it, and that he needs to respect you in this. Be very clear if you start to feel pressured about it.
GL!
We use this lube called "Pink" that we got at Lover's. It's amazing. I think it's silicone based? Maybe it's water based. It's safe on condoms and in the shower. It's a little pricey but it LASTS. Works well when he goes in your backdoor. Haha
not that i know if this is correct or not, this is my thoughts on it... me and by hubby have done it many times, we have never lube or numbing stuff.. But doing it in the butt is not always going to work.. my thought is you have to be really really horney and wet for it to work. That is the only time really that it has worked for us. I don't think it is a good idea to say "lets do it in the butt" then all the sudden try, you will be soo tense and worried if it's going to work or hurt... so my only sugestion is you have to do a lot of forplay or sex before you even try to stick it in.
I don't know about you, but my butt doesn't "get wet" with foreplay or from being horny.
Sorry you had such a bad experience! I have no advice, just wanted to say sorry =/
On another note though--your title really made me laugh.
First of all your title really made me laugh too! It brought a very visual thing to mind of that guy. There have been times where I have done AS more than the regular way. That was years ago but it can be amazing! My H and I do it every once in a while but not as much as I used too. Even when I used to do it often, if approached incorrectly, can be "pain of death". I too have ran away from the man and hidden in the corner in fetal position.
My advice is to always be prepared and to take control over the situation. This is going to sound kind of pornstar-y but I would always clean yourself out before performing AS. You don't want any surprises and either will he! I always use a water based lube because I've heard that oil or otherwise based lubes can cause infections. I agree with getting warmed up with your man first. I cannot have AS unless I'm really into it.
Once you are ready to try, make it clear to him that you are directing his [thing] into you and you will do it at your own pace. Having him start with a finger and then two will make it alot easier to adjust too. Make sure you use plenty of lube. Honestly when they first put it in it usual is uncomfortable and hurts a little but seconds later it should feel better. You can try pushing out with your BH while he is putting it in (similar as to if you are excreating-but since you're cleaned out, you'll be ok). Just make sure that you take it slow and at your own pace. Don't let him put it in too deep if he's big and it's uncomfortable.
Once you get it under control, you will most certainly please your man and yourself. I can even come like this! Regular style there is only one way that I can come and it's on top.
I don't know why I responded to this. It was pretty crude but hopely it helps you with your situation. Good Luck