Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
BC Question
I've been on BC for about 4 years now. I'm debating if I should stop. I haven't had a sex drive and I'm to the point where faking it bothers me. I don't know if it a side affect from the BC or if it is my DH work hours (he works nights and weekend) and I'm alone just about every night. We recently moved to a new state and neither of us had made any friends. I've tried branching out by volunteering at the children's hospital and going out with co-workers (they all have kids and family stresses so our nights out are few and far between) I tried to bring up the BC matter with him. I remember when we were dating and I hadn't started BC yet. I was more sexual (fantasies and actually being horny). My DH and I aren't ready for kids, what do you think I should do?Help
Re: BC Question
I copying my answer to the poster before you 'cause your concerns are very similar. I can't take BCP's and, let's face it, condoms are an annoyance. I don't mind using them when needed, but we know we aren't fertile all the time so it's nice to have carefree sex when we can. Anyway, here's what DH and I practice (for last 18 months) and I recommended to previous poster:
I highly recommend fertility awareness, if not as your primary birth control, then as a tool to assist - check out Taking Charge Of Your Fertility, you can borrow the book at your library. By understanding how reproduction occurs (beyond the boy meets girl part) and how your particular cycle is progressing as it's happening (since each is different), you can avoid sex or use additional protection when needed to avoid pregnancy and enjoy barrier free sex when you're outside your fertile window.
What I'm talking about is not rhythm method - you can not base future fertility on past.
If you want to talk to some people doing the same check out tcoyf.com. There's forums with a whole section for women TTA. Even if you decide to go another route I would still recommend you read the book - it's amazing to actually know what the heck is going on with your body.BFP 11.8.12 * EDD 7.17.13 * MC 12.20.12
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, over!
I have been off BC pills for about a year now (was on for 12 years or so) and I am so happy I am off them. My desire has increased, and I just feel better overall. Sex is more enjoyable. I wish I had done this a long time ago! My H and I use condoms now instead.
If you aren't a condom fan there ae those IUD's that you can get without hormones (I think, check with a professional) That may be good for you. Or the pill you are on may not be right for you. You shouldnt have to "fake it" at all. Something isn't right.
Just reading your post it sounds like you may be a little depressed. I have suffered from depression in the past, it really made sex non-existant. Maybe look into someone to talk to, I would be a little sad too if i was alone at night and was having a hard time finding friends! Good luck!
You need to talk to your DOCTOR. If you don't have a primary care physician, at least take the time to talk to some professional. I know posting here is nice because you can hear from people who have been through the same situations, but you shouldn't take chances with your body on the internet. Not with us, not on webmd, not on wikipedia.
I just finished my last pack of BCP on Saturday. I have been taking them for about 5.5 years and was just sick of it! Like you, I have been through not having any sex drive (changing the type of pill helped for that), and more recently some depression.
Condoms are a pretty good option for many people. I couldn't use them because of the reactions I have, but maybe they would work for you.
I looked into IUDs, and was leaning towards the ParaGard (copper, non-hormonal) one, but my boyfriend was concerned about the painful, longer menstruation. If you are comfortable with hormones, perhaps the Mirena would be a good fit for you and your husband.
Last week I bought the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility, and it is pretty good. I would recommend it, even if you aren't interested in an all-natural way of avoiding/planning pregnancy. After a long chat with my bf, we decided to buy a LadyComp, which is a basal thermometer and charts the temperatures throughout your cycles for you. It will tell you when you are/are not fertile. It cost almost 500 dollars but will be good for 10 years (I think). I'll recieve it in the mail next week. Something like this might be good for you, I'm sure that Google probably has more information on devices like this.
Try to talk to your husband about birth control again. After all, it concerns him, too! I just know that I have been at the "I can't keep doing this to my body" stage for over a year, and it feels great to know that I don't have to anymore. Hopefully my moods will improve as well. One thing that I am trying to do is become a "yes" person: if I am invited to do something, even if it isn't something I'm interested in, I say yes. Just getting out more and having more social interaction could really help your moods and general outlook on life. Good luck!
Thank you ladies. I am going to give my doctor a call and talk about my options.
I am also trying to be a "yes person." I'm hoping with spring around the corner I can meet more people at the beach and around town.
Thank you again.
"The birth control method no one ever talks about, and most people mistaken for Natural Family Planning"?
I was on BC in for 6 years in HS and college, then went back on the same exact prescription of BC 4 months before getting married (we were both virgins). ?I experienced immense depression and overall cloudy thoughts & emotions, so I stopped taking the BC. ?I then tried taking Nuva Ring because I was told that it's hormones absorb differently (not through your digestive system). ?I was much better.
BUT, for about 6 months into marriage, I kept complaining about not being able to have complex thoughts, or clear ideas like I used to be able to. ?I couldn't seem to come up with words I needed to complete a sentence (I remember starring at the couch for 1 full minute, pointing at it, and then my husband said, "the couch?" ?It was very frustrating).
So my husband suggested I go off of the Nuva Ring to feel normal again. ?The only other option was barrier contraceptives. ??(I didn't want to use an IUD or progesterone-only birth control method for personal conviction reasons.)
UNTIL, a friend told me about the Fertility Awareness Method (FAM). ?Commonly mistaken as Natural Family Planning, this method is awesome! ?I track my temperature every day to learn when I am ovulating (not every woman ovulates on day 14), and simply abstain or use a condom during the days I am most fertile. ?To make it extra fool-proof, you can also track your cervical fluid and cervical position each day. (There's a book that explains all this). ?I've been doing it for 4 months now and we are NOT pregnant, I enjoy sex a whole lot more (and am more horny more often), and have learned a great deal about my body. ?I have heard from other women who do FAM that when it comes time to get pregnant, you are sooo much more likely to be successful quicker because you know your body so well-- when you are furtile, and even when you have conceived!
?Bottom line: ? sex feels better, I have my sex-drive back, my husband can tell I enjoy sex more and loves that, my mental/emotional state is much better, and I've learned a lot about how my body works! ?Try FAM. ?(The book is titled "taking control of your fertility")