Sex & Romance
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DH has been taking care of him self...
I am trying to figure out why my DH has been masturbating more lately. I would say that in the last year or so he has been doing it more often.
What I don't get is why do it when I am around and available for sex? Like this morniing I woke up early and was about to ask him to join me in the guest bedroom and before I could ask him he went to the shower and took care of him self. He knew I was awake because I said something to him. Instead off he goes.
Other times he does it early it the evening when I am down stairs watching tv.
I really have no problem with it. I just don't understand why he does this when I am available.
Re: DH has been taking care of him self...
So he should know you are available for sex because you are awake?
Did you say to him "Hey sweetie, if you want some help with that, I am your gal" and then walk into the guest bedroom? Or do you just figure he will psychically know you are in the mood for sex?
Perhaps a conversation during dinner one night to the effect of "Hey, just in case you weren't aware, I would love some morning sex. If you are ever in the mood in the am, just ask."
Not gonna lie...if DH did that, I'd be hurt. Period. We have a pretty good sex life but he's in the military and is gone three days a week at times. According to him (and we've been pretty open and honest as far as I know), he hasn't taken care of himself since we've been together. I initiate often and he's pretty sexual so I know that if I offer he will always be ready.
I would say this constitutes a conversation about it. It's sooo important to be open - esp about a sex-life - I think. I asked DH about this for my own good and he said that the only reason he'd turn me down and do it himself would be b/c he might be bored with me or simply not turned on. Then he asked ...how often do you do it in the guest room? Every day, every time? He said that before he'd say "no" to me, he'd ask me to meet him in the garage, etc. to change things up a bit.
Good luck and let us know what you find out as it may help the rest of us if we find ourselves in your situation.
Yeah I think I'd be pretty upset with H if he did that too.
Do you tend to turn him down a lot when he wants sex (I'm just trying to think of any other reasons that could be causing his behaviour) and the only thing I can think of is if he's wanting it a lot and is being turned down a lot...maybe he's kind of given up and has decided that he can take care of himself too?
How often do you actually HAVE sex then?
It is not a bad thing. It is just quicker and easier than a full session of sex! If you wanna be part of it jump in the shower with him!
ps= sorry for my English, I'm an Italian girl who married an American Love
!
This! If he no longer wants to have sex with you, then it's an issue. But if the two of you are still maintaining your normal sex life, it shouldn't really a problem. But IMHO, I see masturbation and sex as two different things.
Why do men feel the need to say this and why would any woman believe it?
Thanks for all of your replies.
We have a sex fairly often 2-3 times per week. The thing is that I have been the one to initiate sex the most. And I kinda wish he would start things more. So when I saw him in she shower I was upset that he didn't try with me first.
I actually am not going to say anything to him about it. I guess I can't expect him to be a mind reader.
I've tried telling him that I love when he initiates more. But I feel like if I wait for him to be in the mood I'll be waiting forever.
He just told me last night that he does not feel attractive since he has gained weight. I keep telling him that I love him no matter his size and that I am attracted to him just the same. He's making it seem like he gain weight recently and that is not the case.
Then last night I tried to get him the mood by running a bubble bath and lighting candles. then I put on some lingerie and started giving him a massage. Then he says sorry he out of commission due to frequency over the weekend. (Which was Friday and Saturday night)
Warning signs of what?
The issues I have are that I am the one to initiate sex 90% of the time.
Also when we do have sex I am the one doing most of the work, most of the foreplay.
And I wish that he would perform oral sex more. He has performed oral sex more after I mentioned to him that I need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Which we have talked about several times in the past. Just recently after the birth of our son he said that he felt different about oral sex...and couldn't really give an exact reason why.
Why should there be dishonesty in their marriage? Yes, it hurts her feelings. He should be considerate that she wants to feel wanted. Men initiating sex includes that. Maybe he has the issue and masturbating too often has caused his sex drive for his wife to decrease?
When men masturbate frequently, the friction's intensity via your hand is different than the friction in sex, and can feel too little. Same for a girl--masturbate too often with a vibe and I doubt your hand is going to get the work done to your satisfaction.
OP-I would watch him masturbate, or join him. You say that you want more, want him to do more oral, more foreplay. Have you COMMUNICATED this to him, outside of sack time? Also, what do you do for him? Maybe he would like it if you give BJ/HJ to warm him up and get him excited.
I've learned that my DH doesn't like the sexy lingerie/candles option, but when I say, "hey, wanna have a quickie," he jumps me. Maybe you could try that?
ETA: Fixed spelling.
At least he still wants sex.
He could be logical and self centered figuring you are getting enough if you are not asking for it. So he's just getting the compromise of the best results for the least effort with the least rejection.
This. Plus, do you have sex often or do you routinely tun him down? If so, then that could be one of his reasons. I would confront him and ask if he prefers masturbating to having sex.
It sounds like 1. your upset about his jerking it and 2. you are generally not fully happy about your sex life which causes you to be upset about the jerking.
This is cause for a casual conversation.
Tell him it turns you on when you know he's touching himself and you wish he would ask you to join in more.
When you get him in the shower wash each other up and then give each other oral.
If after that, the problem still remains then it's time for a more serious convo.
But in general if the woman is good and satisfied, DH should be allowed to rub a quick one out when he pleases. It still is HIS body after all.
I really have no problem with it. I just don't understand why he does this when I am available.
"Unquote
Does that mean you want sex and DH is bypasisng your participation?
Or even if you don't want sex. You would prefer DH have your attention instead of his hand's attention?
This.
I feel like he is rejecting me for masturbation. Some days he doesn't try sex. It would be different if he tried I turned him down and then he took care of him self.
Yes that is exactly it. I feel like our sex life is so routine. And I hate that I seem to always be the one to initiate.
You're right we need to have a talk about it.
Just out of curiosity. Anybody with masterbating husbands who fail to iniciate sex or even show interest in sex.
Are the men suffering stress, depression, diabeties, chronic sleep deprevation, obesity etc?
How many of the unhappy wives still weigh within 10lbs of thier wedding day weight? How many have "let themselves go"?
Parden the spelling but I'm in a hurry on the kids backup computer. Mine with the spell check is still in the shop, again.