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Havent had sex in 3weeks help!!!!
My husband & I havent had sex in 3weeks. He doesnt even seem to want to. We havent gone this long w/o sex since before the wedding when we lived with our parents and it was on purpose. When we attempt to have sex "it" doesnt work and he blames the pressure. I have told him to relax and I try to get his mind off of it but its not working. I would like to have sex once a week but it doesnt even seem to bug him that its been 3week WTF? I am going out of my mind. I work 3 nights a week and he works a 40hr+ work week. He always says he tired, which I understand during the week but on the weekend he doesnt even seem interested. Every night after dinner we clean up and watch TV. He usually makes a snack and has coffee at that time. The other night I tried to attack him after dinner while watching TV but he said its snack & coffee time. Who does that seriously!!! We have been married almost a year and this is really causing me stress and making me mad at him. What do I do HELLLLPPPP!!!!
Re: Havent had sex in 3weeks help!!!!
When you say "it doesn't work", do you mean he can't get/maintain an erection? If so, he's probably avoiding sex so he doesn't have to face his medical problem. Time for a doctor visit.
ETA If my H turned me down for no other reason then "it's snack and coffee time", I would punch him in the face
I'm sorry, but a 40+hr workweek is NOT an excuse--unless you're talking something like 60 hrs or so. Millions of ppl work that many hours, and still manage to have sex regularly. If that's his excuse, I'd guess there's something else. Snack and Coffee time? Seriously...you need to talk to him, and if you can't get this worked out, I'd suggest counseling to him.
Yeah, 40 hours per week isn't an excuse for not wanting to have sex. If the issue here is that he can't get/maintain an erection, time to see a doctor. If the issue is that he just does not want to have sex with you, time to see a therapist.
Like a PP said, a real relationship is about both people and the needs of both people. If you're needs in this marriage are not being met, he needs to help work with you to figure that out. If your H is unwilling, as I suspect he will be, to see a doctor or a therapist, you have a bigger issue than lack of sex.
This may be psychological in nature -- a sex therapist would be able to help. doesn't sound like there's a physiological or medically clinical root to the problem. See a doc anyway to rule out anything of that nature.
I'm sorry but generic "work stress" is not a reason to avoid sex. Not for three freaking weeks! Why do people on here constantly spout this bullshit? Someone enlighten me please!
I work a full time (40+) job with plenty of responsibilty and stress and it has never caused me to want less sex. This seems like such a cop out excuse to avoid the real problem. Maybe he has ED or he's gay or cheating or just has a general dislike for sex. There are those people who just don't want sex at all, and those always seem to be the "work stress" people.
Sex doesn't take hours out of your day and it doesn't require a bunch of energy. It requires two people who make it a prioroty.
Flame away!
The penis is the dipstick to a man's health -- often as not, it's an indicator of a symptom in another part of the body: he could have the start of a cardiac or ciruclatory problem or something renal-related or it could be thyroid or hormonal in nature.
He's got to want to help himself -- men need to get to a doc before it's too late. Just food for thought.
Well, then your H is really selfish for being unwilling to acknowledge that he has a problem...a problem that is affecting the both of you. Doctor or dealbreaker IMO.
He won't see a doctor, which makes me 99.9% sure he won't see a therapist, so I have to ask, what is the plan to correct this? Has proposed anything outside of seeing somebody? Does not being able to maintain an erection bother him?
This is a problem in your marriage which indicates a problem for both of you, not just a problem for him. If he's not willing to work on it, how long are you willing to put up with it for?
Did you guys have sex before marriage? It sounds like he's got performance anxiety. Maybe he's not as experienced in sex and it's making him nervous and unable to calm down during the deed.
I would suggest counselling, either individually or together, but like a PP said, by the sounds of him, he may not go for that. THat is when you decide what you are willing to put up with or not. Are you going to remain in a sexless marriage with a man who isn't considerate to your needs or are you going to leave?
Maybe if you put it to him like that, he may start rethinking this refusal to change crap.You can't force/make someone change.
in this case pressure is definitely not going to help. make light of it, take it on as a dare. in words that would be your own, obviously, say sweetly and confidently something like, "honey - your *youknowwhat* and i have a bond all our own. get out of your head and let me in your pants. i'll handle this." it's possible, not a guarantee, but it IS possible that if he is willing to try this and you really take the lead for awhile, he can let go of the pressure/performance anxiety aspect and just try to clear his mind and let nature run it's course. suggest something that is either such a turnon or so relaxing it can take his mind off worrying what will happen next. taking turns doing naked massage and extended teasing might do the trick. especially if he's stressed out! basically see if you can change things up and take control of the situation to help him get out of his head. if that doesn't work, i too suggest seeing the doctor. but most of the time a mental problem can be worked through if you're both willing, you work to set his mind at ease, and can find ways to get a little creative and bypass the freakout button in his brain with the OMG button instead.
ps, in this case, confidence is really key. it will be hard, but try not to let it affect your self esteem. remain confident, and act like it's no big deal. in the moment, move into other sexy ways to feel fabulous. when you're chatting about it outside the bedroom, reward him for being open/communicative with sweetness, and understanding. take the tactic of confidently and sexily trying to soothe him out of it both verbally and physically or you can scare him farther into it. sex is precious and delicate and once you freak someone out it's that much harder to undo it.
and remember, like i said above, there are other ways to get to where you're going. if penetration doesn't work, there are other sexy ways to enjoy each other and make the magic happen until he gets through this phase. and he'll love you for your understanding and making him still feel like a man. and i bet that will get you through it faster than rolling over upset ever would.
if he's not willing to hold up the other half of that when you're being such a champ, kick him where it counts.
just kidding. but be tough about this aspect - he does have an obligation to be open and willing too. it's not all on you, just - unfortunately, mostly on you right now to take the lead and set the tone. this can be strengthening for your bond or drive you two apart. he's freaked out, this is about his masculinity. be strong - marriage is about for better and for worse. you're going through a bit of the 'for worse' part.
If you want to turn him on at night, just start playing with yourself while you are both in bed!
I know how you feel, I haven't had sex with my husband for over 2 months because he's "stressed" about work or I "yell" at him all the time....uh yeah right whatever excuse you wanna use buddy.
I don't think being tired for working 40 hours a week would be an excuse. He might be feeling insecure. Altho if my husband said the snack and coffee thing I'd probably wanna punch him in the face.
Good luck I hope your dry spell is over quickly...cuz this is crap!
Massage,....for both without any sex.....
This is either a man with a medical problem who is too worried or frightened to admit it or it's a man with some seriously negative thoughts or depression. If you have both been ok before then give him a break and show him he can trust your good council to talk about things with him in a gentle kind non-tension way until you can find out whats really going on...
.......so, to start, gentle massage for him and then he massages you......