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Help - Baby Shower Dilemma
One of my good friends is having a baby and I, along with 4 other girls, decided we'd throw her a baby shower. We throw really nice parties -- beautiful venue, nice catered food, a cake from the same baker that did my wedding cake, gift bags for the guests, and every detail perfect down to coordinated linens and flowers. All of my friends/co-hostesses have the same mindset -- If I'm going to put my name behind a party, it's going to be a nice one. Unfortunately, I'm NOT at liberty to spend a fortune here. I'd hoped to spend $50-$75 here, $100 at the most. With a total of 5 planners, that should be more than enough money for a modest baby shower.
Here's the problem -- my friend and her husband are GREEDY! Apparently, they've decided that they want a co-ed shower that starts later in the day so that it can turn into a nighttime part, booze and all. They submitted their request and guest list last night to one of the other girls helping to plan with 60 people on it!! I know for some people that's reasonable, but not for us. They don't have any family in the area and we have the same group of friends. For them to invite 60 people to their shower, that means they invited everybody that they know. They're gift grabby though, so I'm not surprised.
All of the other girls are pretty dumbfounded by the guestlist. With the type of party we'd planned to throw, this would blow our budget out of the water. So here's the question: do we tell our friend that she needs to cut the list to 15-20 so that we can throw her a proper party? Or, do we give them what they want and do it cheaper (i.e. veggie trays, chips/salsa, etc)?
TIA for your advice!
Re: Help - Baby Shower Dilemma
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Leigha, you read my mind.
What do your co-hosts think? I've never heard of a co-ed baby shower. Not that guys can't come, but they generally just have no interest in it. My gut is telling me they are just looking to have a big party with friends on someone else's dime, not a celebration of their child's birth. I'd let her know what your original plan was and the guest list you can accomodate, then get her reaction. If she is strongly against cutting it down, let her know that you can do that but it will be pared down to light snacks.
Are you sure you don't know them?! Yeah, none of the other girls are on board with that size guest list, and we planned to have an intervention. Before we did that though, I wanted to get a pulse from you ladies to see if we're off base in thinking that we wanted to do the party our way instead of going more low key and giving them what they want.
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As hosts, you have the final say in the matter. I'll be generous and say she didn't know the type of event you were offering to host. I'd speak with her and explain what your plans are and ask if she would like that type of party thrown for her and ask her to ammend her guest list.
If she still wants a kegger, I guess you have to decide if you're willing to spend your money and time to host that.
In any case, be firm and say: "This is what we are willing to do. Do you want us to throw this party for you?"
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First, lemme say that I totally agree that their expectations for a baby shower are ridiculous and unreal.
However, I'm going to play Devil's Advocate a bit...
If you, as the host, didn't clarify what kind of party you were willing to host, you did sort of open yourself up to this, especially since you knew what kind of people they were (greedy/party-loving, from your descriptions). Yes, most reasonable people would hear "baby shower" and think "10-20 of my closest female friends and relatives." But you made it clear you already knew they weren't resonable people.
If you didn't set any boundaries prior, I think as a host you opened yourself up to giving them what they want. I will argue in your favor that you should NOT have booze (that's just ridiculous -- it's a m****r f***ing baby shower. UGH.) but if you said "We'll throw you a party; tell us what time and who to invite" and they said "6:00 p.m., 60 people" then that's what you should follow through on. Give them veggie trays and Costco pizza, and don't put your names anywhere on the invitation (like Lark's suggestion of being a "silent host").
I'm going to go a little against the grain here, because co-ed baby showers are actually very common here...as are co-ed wedding showers. We also recently went to a co-ed baby shower up in Ohio while we were up there for Christmas/New Years. Every baby shower I've been to in the past 3 years has been co-ed...granted that was only like 3-4 total showers, but it is really just the norm for our circle of friends.
Most of the co-ed showers here (wedding or baby) involve beer/wine, finger foods (one was more of a meal style buffet), and a cake and desserts. They open their gifts during the shower, but they don't do any cheesy baby shower games.
Granted, I totally understand where you guys are coming from. It's difficult to prep for something like that when it isn't common in your circle of friends. Obviously you guys were aiming for a standard, classy female-only shower and your friend had another idea.
I think the only thing you can do is basically go to her and say "this was our plan...15-20 women, nice venue, more formal but if you want to invite 60 people, we're going to have to re-plan everything due to budget constraints." Leave the option up to her and let her decide if she wants a quaint, classy shower or a large, co-ed bash.
Oh and I'll add one more thing I left out above, too. All of the co-ed showers I have been to have been held at someone's house, so there isn't an added cost for a venue either. None of had any kind of favors either, so no expense there.
And to SBS's comment of alcohol at a baby shower being insane...it really isn't here. Every co-ed one I've been to has had beer/wine and some had liquor also. I think the alcohol is the only aspect that keeps the men coming to the co-ed showers.
Luckycooky hit the nail on the head earlier when she said she thought they were trying to get a free party. I'm really not keen on the idea of forking over my hard earned cash so that her hubby and his friends can get blitzed on our dime. Notgonnahappen. Actually, I'm 1000% sure the co-ed, nighttime shower was her H's idea anyway. That's his style and she usually just goes along with it. Thankfully I just got this email from one of the co-hostesses.
Hi ladies,
So I just talked to (pg friend) about the shower and discussed some of the limitations of having 60 people. (Pg friend) would really like to have a traditional baby shower, so we are back to girls only (which brings the list down to approx 30) and an early afternoon start time (if that is good for you all). (Pg friend's H) will plan something to do with the guys during the shower and then they will meet up with us later for an informal get together How does that sound?
Problem solved! Even though 30 is a little more than we wanted, I think we can manage and still have a nice shower vs a summertime bbq. Plus, since almost everyone on the list was a couple anyway, the gift table should be just as full. Win-win!
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Sounds like a great compromise.
The co-ed shower thing has me really interested. Not from the "I want as many gifts as possible" perspective but because DH is so excited to be a dad, his friends and coworkers that I don't know as well may be interested in celebrating with us too. More of a "we're excited you're becoming a dad" party. Hmmm...
Yeah, it must be a regional thing. I've only heard of one co-ed shower being thrown around these parts, and everyone who went said it was really awkward and weird...probably because there was no booze! Haha. I've heard of the Dad tagging along for presents only (like, the party is from 12:00-3:00, he comes at 2:00 to help Mom open gifts and then loads them into the car for her), but not having a mix of guests.