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I don't know what to do
We have been married for almost 5 months and had sex 3 times...but two of those times just fizzled out!!! Last time I ended up CRYING after sex!!! You should never cry after sex...but I just don't understand!! We used to have a GREAT sex life, but even before we got married, it was happening less and less. He is saying he is not happy with his weight, but he hasn't gained or lost weight since we started dating 3 years ago!! I have mentioned to him on several occasions that he might be depressed (he isn't sleeping well either), he just wont go. He knows how upset I am and tries to comfort me, but he wont tell me whats wrong or even attempt to fix the problem. It makes me worried that I am the problem...I know I am being silly, but this is making me have really low self esteem!!! I have always thought I was good looking, but for the last month I can not even look in the mirror and see anything positive about myself...I know this feeling is coming from constant rejection. He knows how I am feeling and say he feels bad about making me feel this way. He tells me I am pretty all of the time and does cute little things to make me smile, but at the end of the day...it's not enough.
Am I being silly? I have a wonderful husband who does so much for me and here I am complaining about lack of sex...our relationship is sound, except for the intimacy part...
Sorry for complaining, I just don't know what to do...
Re: I don't know what to do
Sounds to me like he is depressed.Really try and convince him to seek help. This happened to me.. and I ended up leaving after 24 years... as it just got worse.. to the point that we did not even speak...
Please please please know this has NOTHING to do with you. It breaks my heart when I see women on here who start blaming themselves for their H's issues.
I think it might be ultimatum time... simply because I'm not willing to live in a sexless marriage where I feel crappy about myself. I would tell him either he goes to counseling or you start looking at your other options.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Here is where you should have questioned what was happening...
We used to have a GREAT sex life, but even before we got married, it was happening less and less.
And after lots of soul searching (and discussion with your then FI) and ruling out anything psychological or physiological, asked yourself if you would be happy with a sex life that was not up to your standards.
Has he had a complete physical? If not, he needs one -- he needs to find out if something physiological is at hand (not sleeping well? Maybe he has a thyroid condition; that's a symptom of it) for his lack of sex drive.
Get him to a doc -- if not physiological, it could be psychological; visits to a sex therapist will help
I was in a similar situation with my first husband. The sex almost completely stopped once we got married, and he had every excuse why he wasn't into it. I cried all the time and it made me feel incredibly insecure. I would initiate it but something always happened that would make it not work. I would bring it up to him all the time and he just blew me off, but finally after about a year of it, he finally let me in and told me his feelings. I don't want to compare our relationships, because we ended up getting divorced. But he let me know that he lost that "love/lust" feeling towards me and it happened before we got married. Our entire relationship was also bad too, so if everything is wonderful except for that, that is a whole different story. But for me, it was a symptom of other things. Honestly, if a man does not want to have sex, something is up. And more likely than not, it has to do with what's in his head and not him physically. You need to have a serious talk.