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Would this make you mad?
I have been with my company for 2 years and previously didn't have a department (my boss was out of state). However, I was very friendly with a certain department (and even hung out with some coworkers outside of the office) and recently moved into a new position in that department. I have "caught" them going out to lunch together trying to purposefully hide it from me. And one of them just slipped today again. I am hurt/annoyed that I'm not being included, but even more angry that they are purposefully not including me, especially when I considered more than one of them my friend. Should I say something? I would like to know if there was something I did to offend them. Or should I just move on and realize our relationship wasn't what I thought it was? I don't want to make a big deal about this, but they are HORRIBLE at hiding it and the fact that they are still trying to hid it from me (quite unsuccessfully) makes it seems more like I'm a horrible lunch buddy. I think I would be less offended if they just said "Oh, I'm heading out for lunch today" instead of saying "I have to run errands", and then I find out all of them really were eating lunch. And I should note that I don't want the pity invite, but I want them to realize I'm not stupid so they can stop lying about it. Sorry for the rambling.
Re: Would this make you mad?
did they invite you to lunch before you joined their department, or did something else change?
i've felt that way before. my office had cliques and i didn't always feel included.
Yes, they did invite me before to go out to lunch- probably about once or twice a month. Joining the department is the only change that I know of. I did change offices so now I'm on the hall with all of them. The first two times I "caught" them I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt since the location of my new office is why they are getting caught (me overhearing them, seeing them all leave together, etc.). So maybe this happened before and I was just unaware. I told myself I wouldn't get mad because I would probably get invited another time (which hasn't happened in over a month) and this would help me stick to my healthy lunches from home. But it is the hiding it from me that really bugs me. Just go to lunch if you want, but don't lie to me about it.
It wouldn't make me mad, just awkward! Office cliques and politics are something that I think we all have to unfortunately deal with from time to time and they are NEVER pretty.
It's the worst feeling to be left out--i totally understand--been there, done that.
Hmmm...well, I guess here's the thing. 1. Do you actually want to go out to lunch with them? 2. Do you usually bring your lunch (I bring my lunch enough these days that co-workers don't even think to ask if I need anything because 99 times out of a 100 I don't.) 3. Have you mentioned eating healthy was a part of your goal and/or that you didn't like eating at x,y,z places because of how unhealthy they are? (Maybe they are trying to save you from temptation and/or feel weird that those are their FAVORITE spots?) 4. Is it possible to find some new "lunch buddies" so that you feel included during lunch but can still socialize with these ladies after work? Sometimes I think multiple circles are a good thing.
If you do really want to go, then initiate the lunch conversation early--like 8am. Tell them you were thinking of going out for lunch and would they like to join you? You can even "admit" to them over that lunch that you noticed them "sneaking around" near lunchtime and you weren't sure if they were trying to avoid you or not--but clearly they weren't since they agreed to come to lunch with you now! (hint hint). Are they both single? Maybe they go out to certain places ONLY to check out guys and they think you wouldn't be into that?? lol
Here's the update. I think I figured out that they are meeting an ex-coworker (her contract ended) for lunch. I'm still not sure why I'm not included, but I have decided to just realize that we weren't as close as friends as I thought. It is a job and at least they are nice to me while I'm in the office, which is better than previous positions. So I'm just going to take it at face value and have my friendships outside of work.
I also deleted all of my coworkers from Facebook, to help me keep that line clear. I wasn't really comfortable previously having all of my personal life (although it definitely isn't scandalous) out for my coworkers to see but never before had a reason to remove them. Here it is, so I'm just going to try to move forward with a positive attitude and not let a stupid lunch bother me so much. At least the office is quiet for a while so I can get some work done! :-)