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Please help..
I think i am having some issues with sex..its really hard for me to get and stay turned on and then i can't get my mind to focus on what we're doing..i tend to overthink things while we are doing it..
before we got married there never was a problem, it was great..even when we just got married and then it started getting worse, now we barely do anything.. we just got back from our honeymoon and things happened naturally over there but now that we're back ..nothing. I feel horrible my husband was really trying to turn me on tonight and finally he stops and says i know you're not into it whats wrong?
Could it be stress? i am not on BC..i really want to make love to my husband but i just can't bring myself to do it and when it does happen i can't keep my focus..what's wrong with me?
Re: Please help..
Maybe you just need that SPARK back in your life. If you've been together long, this may be the case!
It definately can be stress-related! Enjoy yourself and relax!
we have been together for 5 years, 6 this year..i honestly try to leave the work stress at work and just enjoy our time together once i get home..Maybe its pressure too? lately when i can't focus and therefore am not turned on anymore, i'm worried that next time we do it it'll be the same so its like a cycle that i seem to be stuck with..
its so frustrating, he felt so bad tonight, kinda hurt his feelings too
what can i do to get back into it? to want to do it more and not let my over thinking ruin it ..?
thank you ladies
It's all about practice... Most women literally have to train their minds to turn inward during sex, and if we're not there mentally we're not getting anywhere. I would suggest letting hubby in on your "training," and ask him to spend a few minutes during foreplay focused completely on you so you can get in tune and just focus on what you're feeling--nothing else. After a while you'll be able to transfer this technique to intercourse (it gets me through those hard-to-reach climaxes). Also, set the mood for whatever puts you in the mood. Keep whatever you need for intercourse close to the bed so you don't lose the vibe rifling through the bathroom cabinet. Keep a candle and some scented matches close by, or a lotion/perfume that makes you feel irresistable. Make things look nice, smell nice, and feel amazing so your mind has nowhere else to go!
Have a glass of wine.
But seriously, did something happen around the time you got married? New house/job?
I completely understand, and it's important you know this happens with men too. I know I've had problems when I worry too much about pleasing my wife, and do much better concentrating on what I enjoy. You need to differentiate between his pleasure and yours, the act of love making is about both. Slow it down, and make it clear that you're in need of his patience. It's scary to show your vulnerability, but he's the only one who can help. That's what marriage is for!
agreed! a glass of wine or a cocktail should snap you out of whatever headspace you're in. set a different stage, too, make a romantic night out of it - dedicate an entire night to acting like you're on the date where you're first going to sleep with each other... dim lights, great music, cocktails or vino, sit on the couch, chat...or a fun night out with friends, seeing him in a bar may remind you of when you were still dating, not married, and how happy you are not to be single anymore.
rrawr.