Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
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Newly everything
My husband and I have been married for 8 months. We met in college and have been together ever since, this october will be 5 months. Not many people can believe what I am about to tell you but when my husband and I got married we were both virgins. Sex has been a little ackward for us...as it is all new to us. Trying to explore our bodies as well as each others and trying to find out what fits us. We have had many coversations about it and both of us communicate very well with what feels good and what doesnt. It seems though we struggle a lot and get frustrated. My husband always goes faster than I would like him to go. What gets me really going, gets him going 10 x better and its harder for him to not go. After he goes...I am ready for round too and he cant. As for me its very frustrating and I hate that I get frustrated with him. There's not much more he can do, since he does everything. The only position we have really tried is him on top. We try girl on top and it doesn't get either of us. Any suggestions to make sex a little longer, and more fun? I havent orgasimed yet and I would love to. Any tips or suggests would be great? Position, lube, toys? = )
Re: Newly everything
See my advice in the post below called "he's fast". Your H needs to learn to control himelf. He can help it. Don't believe it if he says he can't help it.
Get yourself a bullet or wand vibe to use on your cl!t during sex. Viola, orgasm.
ETA: Make him wear a condom. That will help the speedracer habit and be an incentive for him to stop it.
It sounds like he needs to last longer, right? Don't think that he's doing everything he can. Of course it feels good for him, but that's not an excuse for him to orgasm before you. He'll probably need to learn how to control himself while masturbating like pastrypuff said in an earlier post.
For the love of god, please don't convince yourself that nothing can be done. This is a problem he needs to work on and trust me, guys can work on it if they want to. You may also want to check out the Wikipedia article on premature ejaculation.
Good luck.
This will definitely get better with time..you really need to masturbate if you don't already, that is truly the only way you will learn what feels good for you, you cannot expect him know what you want if you dont even know what you want.
The position you are currently using is probably the worst (in equal running to doggie style) for quick finishes. If you sense that he is getting faster and on the verge then you need to stop your movements and either have him pull out or stop and just kiss for a few minutes. If you dont like to be on top, you may just need to get into a different "on top position", I find that if I lean forward its WAY more pleasureable than just sitting straight up, You may also want to try to be on top while he is sitting on the couch or chair where you can straddle him.. Good luck and dont give up..you cant be O'less forever!!!
I hope your college taught you correct spelling and punctuation because this lacks all of it. Looking past that...
He can help it. You guys just need to figure out how to make that happen. You can also use a cream. Like "Time in a bottle" from Pure Romance. I would suggest a book of positions and stuff like that too. Just explore different options and different positions can really help you guys.
Hello Newly Everything,
I was in a similar boat as you. When my husband and I got married I was a virgin. We have been together now almost 8 months. There is a lot of preasure to have the big "O" on both of you. In my experience, the best thing to do was just try new positions and take things slowly. You are both learning. Condoms do help to allow your husband to last longer and so does changing positions. The best thing to do is just try new things. I have been in your shoes, and we are still learning what feels best for us. Another important thing is to encourage your husband. It's really important that he feels like you enjoy being with him. Best of luck to you. Really, don't stress over it. Enjoy yourself!
really spelling and punctuation??? ya i could care less to be completely honest....
thanks for the advice
It really does matter though, because most people will start to read your post, then not be able to follow it and therefore ignore your question. Which by the way is exactly what I did. That is why you've had 289 views and 8 responses to your question. Spelling, grammar and punctuation always matter, no matter if you're on a message board or in real life.
My husband and I were both virgins when we got married, too. ?It's been 10 months for us and sex is just now getting really good. ?It takes time. ?But here is some good advice I've found.
1. ?Talk to another young married woman very frankly about sex- their victories and struggles. ?You will learn a TON!?
2. ?Keep communication lines wide open between your husband and you. ?Talk about it! ?He needs to know how you feel. ?But encourage him and remind him that you love to be with him intimately no matter what.
3. ?use lots of lube! ?There ain't no shame in that.
4. ?If you have no sex drive, or sex just dosn't feel that great, consider going off of your birth control. ?Sex was fine for me, but when I went off of BC, I was like, "Wow!!! This feels great!" ?haha
5. ?Foreplay, foreplay! ?If it takes you a while to get reved up (me too), let him focus on you for a while. ?It will turn him on to see you get turned on anyway. ?Then, once you are really ready, start intercourse.
6. ?Enjoy sex! ?It's not about getting an orgasm, it's about being intimate with your spouse. ?Love each other, laugh, talk romantically to each other, and have fun! ?HOpefully you will get an orgasm anyway, but it shouldn't be the REASON you are intimate with your spouse.
7. ?Have him spend some time in that g-spot. ? I've been told that it feels spongy, and when he hits it with his finger just right, it sends the sensation like you need to pee a little. ?Have him rub that for a while, you will notice that it feels much better when he slips in right after.
8. ?Have him try to massage your clitorous while he is inside you. ?When your body isn't used to having sex, it dosn't know that the wall is supposed to be triggered by his penis. ?But the clitorous is SO sensitive, that it will for sure turn you on. ?I've found that you need to teach your body what is supposed to feel good.
9. ?If he goes too quickly, have him wear a condom to dull the sensation for him. ?He will still go, but it might take longer. ?(And less clean up for you!)
10. ?Try foreplay before that will give him an orgasm, then wait about 15 minutes and go at it again. He should be able to last longer the second time. ?(For ex: ?take a shower together and focus on him. ?Then move over to the bedroom after the shower. ?It will take at least 15 minutes to finish your actual shower, dry off, and make it into the bedroom)?
?
...like I said, I've only been married about 10 months, but this was some great advice that other close friends who are Christian married women gave me (I told you, FRANK conversation goes a long way!) and it has really really helped.?
how much less could you care? ::snicker::
Really?
Ashthebash- thank you so much for your advice....its very comforting and encouraging to hear someone give such great advice. My husband and I are pretty shy about our bodies, that it was so uncomfortable to talk to him and more uncomfortablet to talk to other people about it. I appreciate the help. The drive to have an orgasm is not the only reason we have sex. I love the feeling of being connected...not only for the obvious reason but something about it makes me feel so close to him and my love for him only grows stronger.
Thanks to everyone else for the advice and encouragement. Its nice to know that I'm not the only one going through something like this. = ) I appreciate it
No problem! ?I was actually at a friend's bachelorette party last night with three other engaged virgins getting married this summer and I was shocked how little they've talked about this stuff with other women. ?It makes me so thankful for the women in my life who helped me out. ?It made me realize I should talk to other ladies more about it, too. ?I mean they knew what to expect, but topics like, "tearing," and "fit" were a little less familiar to them- and so easy to inform about!
?I know the comment about "teaching your body what feels good" sounds strange... but when you go from having NO sex, to having it like multiple times a day/week, your body kinda goes into a little shock and is like, "what is this??" ?At least that's the experience myself and close friends have had. ?It took about 3 months for my body to be like, "oh.. i like that." (Which is probably more of a psychological thing that anything else, I'm sure.) ?So "teaching myself what feels good" really was true.
I was re-reading my post and I thought of some edits. ?Like, It might be easier for you to massage your clitorous when he is inside of you because if he is on top, it might be hard for him to give up a hand. ?I've found that I feel most comfortable when I ask my husband, "do you mind if I touch this while we do that?" He dosn't mind either way I'm sure, but it makes it feel less like I am masturbating and more like we are working together. ?And it breaks the ice.
?Lastly, I'm sure you have the perspective that sex is for fun and intimacy- didn't mean to say that you didn't. ?I just know that I need to remind myself about that from time to time, too.
If you ever have more specific questions that seem too awkward to talk about on a post, feel free to contact me-- I'm a total open book and am not phased by frank conversation on just about any topic. ?In the mean time, has anyone ever recommended the book "Sheet Music" to you? ?I recommend checking it out.
Seriously, again?! Learn to spell then give advice. C-L-I-T-O-R-I-S.
Uh, pretty sure married adults do not need to "break the ice" during sex. WTF.
My fiance and I had this problem. He was real fast and I wanted more from him. I found a creme which works well for us. I got it from pureromance.com. He uses time in a bottle(he says it feels like wearing a condom but he still has the sensations of not wearing one. It works to numb him so he doesn't come as fast) To get me going I got x-te-cee which also helps. It makes me a little more sensitive. To be honest with both of these we go at the same pace.
How have you been married for 8 months, but "together" for 5 months?
I agree with PP though. get some toys, and spend time learning what makes you feel good. Have him try it on you next time you have sex, and let him get you ready before penetration. Also have him wear a condom. Not just so that he lasts longer, but really, if you guys are this awkward, then you might want to wait to have kids.
Be patient, don't get frustrated, and just let loose.
Just like anything else, practice makes perfect. It takes a long time before you get into the really good stuff.
He CAN help it, and he WILL learn. My husband can last as long as I need him to, sometimes letting me get in two or three orgasms before he finishes.
It's not that your hubby doesn't want to last, it's just a learning process, and him becoming acquainted to his body as well as yours, and how they work best together.
I could read your post just fine, I think some people are overly pretentious and critical to the point where it's annoying *hint hint*
Thank you! I agree with you! I think its sad that some people don't have a life. = (