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BR: My turn to vent
Unfortunately, although Libby has taken a bottle she's been really fussy and refusing it. When I leave her and go out, she basically crys/screams the entire time. I went grocery shopping yesterday and both Joseph and my mom were about to call me it got so bad. *sigh* I am beside myself because I head back to work next week and have to be away from her. I think one of the problems is that J waits too long...I've told him that when she starts to stir from her nap to get the bottle ready, then it'll he ready when she wakes and changes her diaper, then he can give her the bottle.
Unfortunately, he usually waits until she's crying before he gets her up from her nap (he has the monitor on his desk where he studies). When I am caring for her, I hear stirring I pay attention until her eyes are open and then get her up and change her. I don't let her get to the crying stage.
I've told him no to let her get to that point, but he hasn't listened. He'll play with her and she'll start fussing and I'll say "nows the time to give her the bottle" but he'll let another 5-7 minutes go by and then she's wailing. I need to let him figure it out, but it kills me to hear my baby cry like that. And it makes my bewbies leak.
But I force myself to get out 1-3 hours each day so J is alone with Libby and has to care for her (sometimes he lucks out and she sleeps the entire time I am gone) since he'll be doing that when I am at the office. Yesterday, he said,"I don't know if I can do this." and I asked him what the other option was...he didn't respond. I said we can send her to daycare but she's going to cry there too, so the only difference will be that we pay someone else to deal with that and hope that they are as loving towards her as you.
I think he's also stressed because he's nearly done with a math class and in his world he cannot possible study for finals AND care for Libby. Men aren't great at multitasking, I guess. Meanwhile, I've been working from home these past weeks, one handed typing to respond to work emails, prepare reports, etc. while breastfeeding or rocking Libby.
I'd love to be able to SAH but that's just not an option. I provide 80% of our family income. He takes a couple of classes (one day a week in class and the rest are online) and works 3-4 shifts a week at a local steakhouse (which lately has been really slow and he's been "called-off" twice this week). I am just so beside myself. I've considered pumping exclusively so that Libby's only option is the bottle, but I really don't want to do that...I enjoy breastfeeding her and she loves it too. I think I will cherish it even more once I am back to work and in the office 8 hours/day 5-6 days a week. 
Re: BR: My turn to vent
((HUGS))) I could have written your post when I was first trying to go back to work or just to the grocery store for that matter except Adam would call me and I would rush home because i could hear Ashton screaming in the background. It was terrible.
But...it gets better. Libby has to adjust to not having you around. Yes, J should have the bottle ready before Libby starts to fuss. Since you've expressed that to J he needs to figure it out. He will too:-) It took Adam a few times and he figured it out. I found I was trying to tell Adam what to do too much and he was pulling back. Once I let him take the lead, he figured it out on his own.
Same went for daycare with me. Ashton still was not taking the bottle but he learned to adjust...the way I wish he had (crying)...no...but he does so much better now.
I'm sorry. I am new to the bottle feeding so I can't really offer any advice. I'm still crossing my fingers Jack continues to take it. DH always has it on hand - I get concerned that he just offers it every time Jack stirs, but at this age I think that is ok, if his diaper isn't wet he must be hungry. Luckily Jack takes his bottle cold (or warm if just pumped) so there isn't any prep time. Hopefully your H can work on listening to you and getting it ready right away - I know it's hard to get Jack focused on the breast and latched on correctly when he's wailing, so it has to be even more rough on the babes to figure out a bottle when they have worked themselves up.
And of course - I agree, men are not great at multi-tasking!
Whew. Breathe! It will get better. I promise! Some babies need to eat as soon as they wake. So you're right, J needs to be ready for that and get the bottle all set.
Don't worry about the bottle thing, she will work it out. Alexa took it fine, then decided to NOT take it the weekend before I went back to work. Well... She didn't drink well the first day at daycare... But it got better. Now she drinks fine, and according to my DH, she can hold the bottle herself! I did not see this or there would be photos of it... Wow!
Sometimes she actually takes the bottle better if she is a little hungry...
If you can find a daycare that is affordable, I wouldn't assume that she would cry all day there. That's what I thought... Some babies cry a lot. Others don't. But once she gets used to the people there, she would be fine.
It'll work out.. You can't worry. You have to trust him. He wants the best for Libby so he will change and figure things out. :-)
Malia & Dave & Alexa
Happily married since 2-17-08! Three since 9-9-09!
Baby Blog
Oh Lori I'm sorry! This is stressful for you
The first time we had to give Elyse a bottle was with formula, she cried, I cried, finally Russ took her to another room and she was able to take it.
Men are definately not good at multi-tasking, or reading babies cues. I find that I'm so in tune with Elyse because I have the privilage of being with her all the time. We have a similar sitution to yours but it's at bed time. Russ plays with her on the change table after her bath before she goes to sleep. But he often plays with her to long so she is to overstimulated to go to sleep so she SCREAMS until I can get her to sleep. Last night I left him in there (even though my heart was breaking in two) to let him work it out. He eventually did and he came out and said "I think I played with her too long." Joseph will figure it out and he'll be a better daddy for it. While your heart is breaking try to remember that the crying isn't damaging her or causing any long term damage. That's what I try to tell myself anyways.
Good luck mama! Libby will eat and everything will work out!
Married Bio
So I guess he just needs to figure it out. I will let him know what works for her...i.e. not overstimulating her when she's tired or hungry (he loves to play with her and sing to her but after 10-15 minutes she's over it...which is a fine amount of time for a 2 month old baby). And then it's up to him to decide how he'll go about interacting and caring for her.
TTC/PG Blog | Mommy Blog
i'm sorry you're having issues w/this. miss A isn't great about taking the bottle either, and when i started nursing her over my lunch break last week, she started boycotting the bottle altogether and started reverse cycling
she takes the bottle ok but not great, and i think that's due to lack of consistency on Brent's part. it usually takes about one hour for her to finish a 2oz bottle..sometimes that's b/c she is struggling in between sips and sometimes that's b/c she is babbling and having too much fun (she does this at the boob too)
i know every baby is different but she absolutely won't take the bottle when she is crying/hysterical so i agree w/you about getting him to get to her before she starts crying. she also likes it if we warm the nipple under warm water first...and she is definitely a baby that prefers warm milk over room temp milk. you may also need to experiment with different bottles. i've also read somewhere that some babies won't even take the bottle if mom is home..and they can smell you from 20 ft away. of course then there are also babies who will take a bottle from mommy (and A will occasionally do this for me) so you just have to figure things out. i wouldn't switch to pumping exclusively unless you have to, your supply will suffer (even if you have a great supply!) just b/c the pump isn't as good at stimulating your body as your baby is.
FWIW i have to tell Brent the same thing... i have to nag him to start getting the bottle together for her and tell him that if she starts crying, it'll be harder to give her the bottle. (half the time he asks me to get it all together and warmed up for him!!) they'll learn eventually, not sure why men are so darn stubborn.
it's so hard to see them crying and not want to swoop in and just start nursing! try for 10 min but if she's not taking it, then give her a break and then come back to it. i also think if he can get to her while she is still groggy, he may be able to get her to take it more easily, kind of like a dream feed.
it seems that w/most BF babies, they may have some trouble the first few days mom is back at work but then they adjust just fine. i hope it doesn't come to it, but worst case scenario, she'd start reverse cycling on you but you could continue to BF her.
sorry my thoughts are all over the place, but ultimately i hope that things improve for you... and soon J will see that Libby doesn't hate him, that he just needs to pick up on her cues better!
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
My Food Blog - Good Eats 'n Sweet Treats
GREAT idea!!
Daycare says that Alexa takes her bottle MUCH easier when it's nice and warm. They have a warmer and use it before offering her the bottle. Hmm. We may need to get one for home so she'll take the bottle easier from DH........
Malia & Dave & Alexa
Happily married since 2-17-08! Three since 9-9-09!
Baby Blog
I don't have any real advice, but I wanted to say I'm sorry you're dealing with this stress, and big (((hugs))).
I know it must be hard to watch J learning the hard way instead of just listening to your advice...as you said, he needs to just figure it out, and obviously he's going to have to do that his way and in his own time. I know it must be heartbreaking to have to listen to Libby wail while he does this though, so hopefully it won't take him too long.
I do worry about this a bit with Ben as well, even though we're obviously not at that point yet. But I see it in how he deals with other parts of his life, like getting ready for work - he'll do pointless things around the house until he's already late leaving, and then will suddenly rush around all flustered trying to get his lunch and finish getting dressed, etc. To me the obvious solution is just to get ready FIRST and then putter around, but for whatever reason he just doesn't do it that way. I can easily see this being translated into caring for the babies, and I honestly don't know how I'll deal with it...
Yeah, it's rough. It makes my boobs let down almost immediately. Actually ANY baby crying causes it...I was in the grocery store yesterday and totally didn't buy toilet paper because there was a baby in that aisle crying and my boobs started tingling and let down and I knew it was time to go!
When I am at home and he's working with Libby I'll get in the shower and turn on the exhaust fan in the bathroom so I cannot hear her cries...I feel horrible doing that, but it's the only way that prevents me from dashing in to take her from him. As mentioned above, crying won't damage or hurt her in the long run, but it's still hard to take in the moment.
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I completely understand how you feel. DH got MUCH better at caring for Bella once I stopped micromanaging him. He would put on the diaper and I would "fix it"... he pointed it out to me and I stopped... because if I kept it up, he wouldn't want to change diapers or do other things! Eventually he'll get it, promise! Ryan is THE BEST at feeding her bottles now. The other day she was at daycare (my SIL) and ate 6 oz total from 7a-4p. Then at my FIL from 4-8p she ate NOTHING, nada, zilch, ZERO! He said "she just didn't want it"... WTF?! TRY HARDER! Bella does awesome with Ryan. He plops her in the bouncy seat (that's they only place he's found that she'll consistentally take the bottle) and gives her the bottle, she holds it by herself and sucks it down. She even falls asleep with the nipple clenched between her jaws
He's taken pics and I love it since I never see her take the bottle.
That said, it did take him a lot of frustration at first to get her to take it. (Remember how I was posting that she was refusing at first?) I would have to leave the house, I couldn't even be in the garage! She's a smart girl and likes her milk from her momma.
We tried different bottles, warming the nipple, different temps of the milk (room temp, warmed, chilled), different positions (swing, bouncer, propped on the boppy, cradling, holding her out in front facing him). It was HARD WORK for him but he was determined to figure out what would work for him and her together. He found it and it's been doing good for him and her ever since. It took time, frustration, tears from her and me, etc but now it's golden. When she's with him, I NEVER worry about how much milk she will or won't drink. I do worry about it when Bella is with other people though (although not my SIL).
I guess my point is this: every baby is different, as is every person that deals/interacts with the baby. Some people make it a point to try to feed them or figure out what works, some just try once and say F it... it's sad but try. My SIL does try but Bella seems to nap longest at her house, which in my opinion is also healthy for her to get good sleep.
Also not that you care, cherish your breastfeeding bond with Libby. It's a bond NO ONE else can share with her
I would NEVER be able to pump exclusively. I can't imagine doing that, it seems like SO much work! washing bottles, storing milk, feeding bottles.. that sounds harder than breastfeeding to me! Besides that I keep getting a clogged duct from pumping because Bella "cleans me out" better than the pump. It's awful and a battle the LC says I'll continue to fight until I stop BF her. To me, it's worth it! I LOVE LOVE LOVE the bond that only Bella and I share. She'll only let me cradle her and cuddle up with her, she snuggles in next to me when we sleep side by side and she doesn't do that with DH. Enjoy it, soon enough it'll be over and you'll miss it. I'm already a little sad that we've only got about 4 months left.
Hey Lori! The ladies gave you great advice and some I would duplicate (but wont). I totally agree that mean cant multi-task and some men have never been around a baby before. They are learning, right along side the baby. The only real difference is the baby can cry/scream and it is okay, whereas if DH did then...lol
Libby and DH will figure it out. I promise. It may not be how you do things, but they will figure out what works for them (this was hard for me!). They have a different dynamic and that daddy instinct is not like ours.
I also wanted to share what it is like if you do step in all the time.....2 years later for us. I think somewhere along the way Dh got "lazy" because he knew I would just do it or take care of Kai (dont get me wrong DH helps a ton), but Sean just doesn't pay attention or understand when Kai crys NOW! He just doesn't pay attention to what Kai wants (and Kai will tell you). I think from me never leaving Kai and being with him 24/7 that DH knows I will do it. This is MY fault and I should have left Kai with DH more often ( I just miss them both so much!) Their bond is not as strong as Kai and mine, although I am not sure if its a mother/child thing.
Oh and as much as I hated to hear Kai cry (and still do) and never let him cry (and still do), I think this is a habit I should have not done
Kai is the boss in our house. Kai controls/bosses me, I control DH, DH controls the dogs. lol 
I wish I was more 'strict' and did not start this habit because at 2 years old he always gets his way and knows how to work me 
Dont get me wrong he is a GREAT child but I can see that perhaps it is going to make it hard on me when he is older?! I hope not.