Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Just a vent (long -- I'm sorry.)
Seriously, just a vent. I need to vent somewhere, and my husband's out of town 'til Saturday so he's not available.
My parents are super-conservative; I'm pretty much super-liberal. My dad watches and absorbs everything he sees on Fox News, which IMO is more punditry than news (FWIW, I feel the exact same way about MSNBC and most other "news" outlets these days), and gives it back to me as gospel. My mom is in the "Barack Obama is an undercover Muslim terrorist who's just out to ruin us from within" camp. Seriously. Normally we just avoid political conversations, because they don't end well. If I don't agree with what they say, then they get angry and hang up on me. I don't mean they get upset if I disagree; I mean they get upset if I don't verbally confirm their statements as truth. I do my best to keep a level head and either steer things toward fact and away from rhetoric, or better yet change the subject altogether, but they seem to perceive both of these tactics as personal attacks on their beliefs. We do best, obviously, when we just don't talk politics at all, which is the case 99% of the time. Things were awful during the last Presidential election, and things are bad bad bad again now.
Every time my parents and I talk, things turn to the health care bill. I'm not a huge proponent of the bill. I think it contains good things and bad things, and I'm not even sure I'm happy about its passage. I'm not forming a solid opinion one way or the other until I can read it -- or at least read an honest summary of it -- and so far I can't find that information anywhere. So when my parents call to complain about their health care being compromised, my standard response is, "I don't know enough about the current bill to know what to tell you; perhaps you should discuss your concerns with your insurance provider. They should be able to tell you what changes you can expect to see." (They're covered by both private insurance and Medicare.)
So now the parents have moved on to bashing Nancy Pelosi, Joe Biden, and of course Barack Obama. That's fine; they can bash whomever they like. I refuse to get into that, though. I get really uncomfortable with gossip and discussions of people who aren't present to defend themselves anyway, and especially when it's concerning three people none of us have ever even met in person.
I know I should just not answer when my parents call, but we normally talk at least a couple of times a day. We've always been close in spite of our differences (political and otherwise), and I don't want that to change because of politics. But I feel like they're taking their rage out on me just because they know my politics are not the same as theirs. My dad even told me this over the weekend: "We blame the way you turned out on the schools. Had we known what they were doing to you, we would have taken you out of public school before it was too late. It's done now -- but we still love you." This with a totally straight face. He wasn't joking at all.
I really hope things go back to the equilibrium we had in our relationship before. I didn't personally bring change upon any of us, and I can't personally undo anything that's been done. I guess I'm just going to have to tell them that political discussions with me are off-limits, and that we'll have to talk later if that's what they want to discuss right now.
Ugh. So yucky. If you read this far, thanks for letting me vent. :-/
Re: Just a vent (long -- I'm sorry.)
Ugh, I wish I had an answer for you. My approach would probably be the same as yours, though; just politely say now is not the time to talk and politics are off limits. I'll good-naturedly debate something with someone if it's a respectful convo, but I'm just not into arguing with someone topics about which we are just never going to see eye to eye or over which we will act disrespectful of the other's opinions.
What your dad said about how you turned out, though, is just sh!tty I think! I really hope that just came out wrong. If I were you i'd tell him how much that hurt you. Especially since (aside from your evil political opinions, lol), I'm certain you turned out BETTER than fine!
Oh man, vent away! I get both sides of it. My MIL thinks the government owes her and they should pay all her bills, etc. My parents are super conservative and our dads sounds like they need to be talking to each other, at least they wouldn't be offending anyone that way!
FWIW, on the "schools did this to you" ideas ... my siblings and myself went to private Christian schools up through 8th grade.
).
- I don't consider myself either liberal or conservative (as in, I have thoughts and beliefs that would piss off both parties
- My sister has only recently converted from her liberal ways.
- And they don't come any more liberal than my brother. He and my father are so much alike in that they LOVE politics and feel very passionately about what they believe. Unfortunately, their beliefs could not be more opposite. It's such a problem, they can barely have a conversation.
My point is ... it's not the school's faults, LOL.
i'm sorry! i just HATE politics. i avoid the subject at all costs cause it seems like someone always ends up angry and/or hurt.
you're handling it as i would. the only other thing i can think to do/say is to bluntly say that you will not discuss politics/healthcare reform with them. if they bring it up, i'd interrupt and say, lets change the subject or I'll talk to you later.
Oh, I am so, so sorry you are having to deal with this. Its one thing to have differing opinions than your loved ones... totally different when they are forcing you to agree or get into an argument. I just had to "hide" my dearly loved uncle on facebook because of his racist rants. Its very disappointing.
I think you have a great idea in just telling them that you'd rather not talk about it. Hang in there.
I give you credit for handling this so well. I have something like that- my dad and (to some extent) my brother are Republicans and my mom and I...arent. Course I (and to some extent) and my mom aren't religious either. When my dad sends me emails about god and politics I just ignore it and thankfully, so far, he's never brought it up face to face.
Good luck dealing with it all and don't worry, we're here for you to vent!