October 2009 Weddings
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Is it rude to...

My DH's friend (old college friend, not best-friend, or anything...) is getting married in May.   My masters classes are mostly online, except that we meet in person once every few weeks.  The wedding happens to be on a Saturday that one of my Masters classes is scheduled. It's really hard to miss one of those classes; they're pretty mandatory. The classes conflict with the time of the ceremony.

My husband would be there for the ceremony.  Is it rude to say that I will not be there for the wedding, but will come to the reception?  Should I just decline all together, and my husband will represent both of us?

What do you think? 

Re: Is it rude to...

  • Is DH close enough to ask the groom his opinion?
  • He's friends with the bride, and really only talks to her once or twice a year.
  • How comfortable is DH going by himself? I know DH wouldn't go to a wedding without me, so it would either be that we both came for only the reception or we wouldn't go to either. 

  • I think he would be fine with it since he will know people there.  He would miss me, though. :)
  • I think its ok, my dh had to miss the crazy "purple dress" wedding last year but he made it just in time for the reception. She didnt even notice he wasnt there! 
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  • imageFotophreak4c:
    I think its ok, my dh had to miss the crazy "purple dress" wedding last year but he made it just in time for the reception. She didnt even notice he wasnt there! 

    Crazy?  Jealous much?  That wedding was awesome!  Just kidding Stick out tongue

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  • I bet it would be fine to miss the ceremony, they probably wouldn't even notice.
  • People have lives and these things happen all the time. Making the gesture to come to the reception is just as good IMO. I'm sure they'll realize that you would have been there if you could, especially if DH goes without you.
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  • imagemunkii:

    imageFotophreak4c:
    I think its ok, my dh had to miss the crazy "purple dress" wedding last year but he made it just in time for the reception. She didnt even notice he wasnt there! 

    Crazy?  Jealous much?  That wedding was awesome!  Just kidding Stick out tongue

    I am starting to wonder what kinds of friends I am attracting...crazy renaissance purple dresses....camo dresses... my friends have "sparkling" personalities. I dunno where I find them. lol 

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  • I think this is totally ok to do.  I had guests do this at my wedding and I didn't think twice about it.  I was just glad to have them there for whatever part they could attend.
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  • I think it's fine.  We had guests who could not attend the ceremony but came to the reception.  They probably won't even notice...
  • I think that going to the reception only is perfectly acceptable.  It isn't like they're even going to see you at the Ceremony anyway!    The people at my wedding ALL just came to the reception since we had a private ceremony so I might be a little biased.  :)
  • I think it is fine. I couldn't even tell you who was at my wedding ceremony, except for the people who went up for communion. That whole thing was such a blur!
  • I agree with the others who said she probably wouldn't even notice.

    She'll just think you were there all along and if not I doubt she'd care.  The reception is the costly part so if you rspv you should at least go to that.

  • Thanks,ladies.  I'll probably pull a Clark Kent. Stick out tongue ("What do you mean?  I've been here the whole time...")
  • I know I'm super late on this one, but I think it's fine too.   I've done it to other people for much worse reasons (like, I just didn't want to sit through an hour long ceremony for a co-worker).

    We had 2 or 3 people who couldn't come to the wedding and knew they wouldn't make it for dinner, but they would come to the reception afterwards.  They just explained it so we knew to give them a seat but not a dinner.  We didn't think twice about it.  I think it was homecoming for a few of DH's cousins and there was some kind of sporting event in the afternoon and a dinner at their school or something.

    Anyway, you should be fine.  But remember to RSVP correctly! :) 

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