Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
big husband, small wife... does sex EVER stop hurting?
So, I was a 25 y/o virgin waiting till marriage to have sex. I actually only made it about halfway through our engagement, because we decided that the actual wedding was just a big party for our parents' sake and said heck with it...
My new husband is a giant and I'm fairly petite. He's 6' 6", 290 lbs, huge burly shoulders, broad chest, built like a lumberjack. I'm 5'2'', small framed, 118 lbs, and wear a size 2 - 4 in jeans. I haven't had much (actually, any) experience with other male genitalia, but my guess is that he stacks up pretty well.
Our first time having sex was about 6 months ago, and it was so painful I almost cried and made him stop. With the help of tons of lube and relaxation, sex sloooooowwly got more bearable, and is finally getting enjoyable.
But I still have some pain or discomfort every time. It still hurts when he enters, and I still always get discomfort and pain during sex when it feels like he is rubbing the wrong spot at my vaginal opening.
Is this normal? Is there something I can do to make it better? Is the pain and discomfort ever going to go away, or am I just doomed to a life of painful sex because of our size difference?
Re: big husband, small wife... does sex EVER stop hurting?
My DH is quite well endowed and about a foot taller than me and at first sex was very painful. Have him go slowly and with lots of foreplay and it will get much more enjoyable.
I'd just like to clear something up here:
Tall/large women do not necessarily have big hoo ha's. Petite women do not necessarily have small hoo ha's. The same goes for men.
OP, the difference in body size most likely doesn't have anything to with your pain during sex.
I agreed. I think the issue has more to do with the fact that your lady parts are still trying to get adjusted to sex. I'm assuming your husband was your first, but I could be wrong.
He has to be patient, lots and lots of foreplay, lots of lube, too. In time it will get easier. But if the pain never goes away, I would agree with PP's to see a doctor and check if the pain isn't something more.
Have you visited the OBGYN to see if your hymen is completely opened? While most women rupture their hymens doing regular activities, yours may not be completely broken and may be limiting the size of your vaginal opening. If it isn't, it can be surgically opened and give you some relief.
If there is nothing providing a physical barrier to penetration, talk to your doctor about dilators. They will progressively stretch your opening and could make things easier.
It seems counterintuitive, but the more often you have sex, the less it will hurt on entry. About every other day is pretty ideal, since it gives any soreness a chance to heal, but the flexibility stays.
I've had this experience too.
Ditto on seeing your physician.
Have you tried shaving or sugaring all the scruffy fur from around your vaginal opening? Sex got a lot better for us without the scratchy stuff between us.
I say visit the OBGYN and if everything is normal then I would continue to use lots of lube and lots of foreplay.
GL
I used to experience pain with DH when we were having sex while dating. I never experienced it before with anyone else so it must've been the size and girth difference now that I think about it. Eventually, I got used to it. I still had sex frequently though and just sucked up the pain. Now I can't get enough
*hop hop*
Planning Bio
Ditto. The biggest/tallest guy I ever dated had a tiny d!ck.
Google "vaginismus" and talk to your gyno about it. It's really common and can be fixed.
It may or may not be a physical problem. And, it may or may not get better on its own with time. I would probably talk to your OBGYN about it to be safe. For us, it did get better with time. But, it could just be because we've been together a long time and know what works and doesn't for us.