BR-book recs please

jaysgirljulie · March 2010

i need some help making sense of this chaos that is now my life. I'm going to aPPD support group next monday (whether or not I have it) but also want to read any books that helped you get a routine down. I'm aware that babies can not be put on achedule btw. Or can u write any advice for a routine? Thanks!

mrspresley · March 2010

julie i am sorry that you are having a hard right now. just know that it's completely normal and that it does get better. i am not sure exactly how old ryan is right now but those first few weeks are hard. you are sleep deprived, stressed, your hormones are ALL out of whack, and you are trying to figure out your baby's cues and how to be a mommy. i don't have any book recommendations, just wanted to say that i've been there and know how you feel and i'm here for you. *big hugs* during those first weeks i would cry every day almost. for no apparent reason, for silly reasons, and for good reasons like the baby crying. for me, i felt better at 3 weeks post partum. that doesn't mean i didn't have my moments and mini melt downs after 3 wks, but I wasn't crying all the time anymore. FWIW, i reached out to a friend who had PPD about what i was going through and this is what she wrote me, I hope it will help you too:

I'm sooo sorry to hear that you are going through this, but let me assure you, what you are experiencing is 100% normal. This is what NO ONE tells you about...the dreaded first few weeks. For the first 2.5 weeks pp, I cried every single day, at the drop of a hat. I vividly remember people coming to the house to visit, and I cried the entire time. I remember taking a pic with me, DH, and _____ and my eyes were filled with tears - for no apparent reason. Really, all it is, is your hormones getting back to normal, combined with exhaustion, and a huge life adjustment, it becomes too much and overwhelming. I promise if you give yourself another 13 days, you will feel SO much better. And it will probably happen before that. For me it was exactly 2.5 weeks. Now, all of that said, if if you feel like you are getting WORSE, please call you doctor. My sister had PPD/Anxiety and hers hit at 2 weeks pp, so while it *can* happen, normally the first few weeks are the "baby blues" and your body trying to adjust to not being pregnant anymore.

If you feel like you can do it, I would give it a week or two. I PROMISE you will begin to feel better and more like yourself. Plus the feedings, sleeping, all that start to fall into place and it only gets easier. It's hard. It's so freaking hard and it sucks that no one tells you this part. But it gets easier everyday. In a month you won't even remember this feeling. If you feel like you are getting worse, then I would talk to your dr, because you don't want it to get out of hand like mine did. But if you can make it, I would wait it out a week or two.

------

oh and as far as a routine goes, every baby is different but miss A was hardly even awake those first few weeks. she would literally only be up to nurse and then go back to sleep. if she was up for 15 min that was a long time to me. i don't think she was really awake much between feeds until she was about 3-4 weeks old. we've tried lots of different things but one thing that has been constant is that we feed on demand, as soon as she is showing any hunger cues (tongue thrusting, lip smacking, etc). I also try to get her to sleep as soon as she is showing signs of being tired (yawning, rubbing eyes, etc). recently i started the EASY method based on recommendations from Malia and i really like it, but really when they are super young i am not sure how much of a routine you can get...but you could try. basically it means Eat, Awake/activity, Sleep, then You time. (we follow this roughly but still feed on demand so if she eats, plays, and then acts hungry again i will still nurse her again before putting her down to sleep)

myday1708 · March 2010

Awww, hang in there! The first few weeks are such a fog for me now. So that is the good news, you will get thru this and not really remember much!

Biggest advice I can give is to try to get out AT LEAST ONCE A DAY!! Go for a walk. Use your baby sling. Walking is good for recovery. Being outside is good for the soul. And I heard the afternoon sun helps babies sleep at night. Not sure if this is true, but heck, might as well try it!

Second biggest advice... Find a mom's group with babies the same age. You would be amazed at how wonderful it is to talk other moms who are going thru the same things you are. So the PPD support group sounds great, but a regular mom's group might be just as good!

About routine... I read the "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" (well, I skimmed parts of it) at the recommendation of another mom in my moms group. Her baby was born on the same day as Alexa. She swore by the book. Another mom in our group... She said the book made her crazy and she threw it across the room! So... Everyone is different and every baby is different. The basic idea in the book is the E.A.S.Y. routine.

E -- Eat.

A -- Activity. Could be as little as a diaper change for newborns or, when they are older, two hours of awake and play time.

S -- Sleep. After the awake time, then they sleep. This builds good habits because they learn to go to sleep without being nursed to sleep.

For me, this sked was a breakthru because I noticed that Alexa seemed to want to eat all the time. I had a hard time figuring out if she was crying because she was tired or because she was hungry or because she had a wet diaper.... Once we got on this routine, I realized that all the times she was fussy and I tried feeding her and she pushed my boob away... She was not hungry, she was TIRED! Duh!

Y -- This stands for "Your time" meaning that once the baby is sleeping, you get some time to yourself. It also makes the routine spell EASY and thus easier to remember. ;-)

We started Alexa on the EASY routine at 2 months. But you can start it earlier, just that most of the time the baby will be eating or sleeping.

HTH!

Married2MrWright · March 2010

Big hugs Julie. Ditto everything Malia and Jaime has written...it's TRUE. All totally normal...the emotional swings (I also cried everyday for the first 2.5-3 weeks and then at least every 2-3 days for a week or so after that.) It will get better. Libby is just 8 weeks today a we're starting to get a hint of a routine...basically eats every 3-4 hours, change diapers every 2-3 hours, awake anywhere from 15-90 minutes (depends upon the time of day, she is more wakeful in the morning/early afternoon) and sleeps 2-3 hours twice during the day and twice,maybe three times during the night. That's about as predictable as it gets. Right now her "schedule" is sort of like this:

4:30/5:30 a.m. Wake-up, diaper change and feed

6/7 a.m. Awake/Play time

7:30/8:30 a.m. Diaper change and feed, down for a nap

9-10 a.m. until about 11:30 a.m.or noon: Nap

11:30 a.m./Noon: Diaper change and feed

12:30 p.m./1 p.m.: Awake/Play time (this is new as of the past few days, until now she's be having another nap around this time)

2:30 p.m./3 p.m. Diaper change and feed, down for a nap

3:30 p.m./4 p.m.: Nap

5:30 p.m./6 p.m.: Awake, Diaper Change, Feed and then Bath and/or Play time (we bathe her every other day right now)

7:30 p.m./8 p.m.: Bedtime (nurse to sleep)

10:30 p.m./11 p.m.: Awake, Diaper Change, Feed and back to sleep (this is when I head to bed too)

1:30 a.m./2:00 a.m.: Dream feed, Diaper Change (although since we've been using a double-stuffed Fuzzi Bunz we've skipped this diaper change)

Whew! That's it. But like I said, this "routine" started to form sometime around 6 weeks. Before that it was basically feed her, diaper her and get her to sleep. She maybe was awake 15 minutes in the late morning and that was the extent of her "awake" time for the day.

I cannot remember how old Ryan is, but I am guessing he's around 2-3 weeks...girl, you're in the eye of the storm! At 3 weeks they usually have a growth spurt and want to eat more. And as soon as you're used to his routine, he's changing it on you! Hang in there mama...by 4-5 weeks you should be feeling like you're getting your wits about you.

My recommendation is to trade off as much of the responsibilities with Jay as you can (even if that means he does all non-baby related stuff like groceries, cooking, pet care, etc.). And yes, getting out once a day is a nice idea...as well as a long, hot shower each day. And at least a one hour nap (sleep when he sleeps). You can do this. You're not alone. And this phase will be over soon, I promise. (((HUGS)))

MrsNJSwimmer · March 2010

I ditto Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, and also Be Prepared - the latter has a website which has a good white noise download: http://www.beprepared.net/

I remember how hard it was in the beginning! My hormones were CRAZY! Hang in there and try to sleep when you can. pp gave good advice!

The best advice I heard was to do whatever it takes to get the baby to sleep in the first 6wks-2months. I slept with LO on my chest on the recliner, on the couch, anywhere he would sleep. He loved sleeping on his stomach, but I couldn't put him down in a crib that way, and anywhere I put him on his back he would wake up. Thankfully, it's better now, but we still have our moments - he still sleeps best on me or when I'm holding him.

BR-book recs please

Re: BR-book recs please

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