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WDYT regarding bachelorette party
So I'm seeing the bride tonight. Do you think it's a bad idea to lay out on paper what the wedding events would cost an average couple to point out how what kind of sacrifice would be involved for those she wants to attend this bachelorette party? I wrote everything out and just to attend the wedding - hotel (one that the bride has hotel block for) + dress (conservative estimate of $125, they will be long dresses but she's letting people pick from David's) + shoes +gas = $428.90 for an out of town bridesmaid. These are expenses I think that most expected when agreeing to be part of a bridal party and I'm sure have no heartburn over. There is also a cheap motel in the area that is $60/night so a person could get by on less ($340)
Estimating the costs for a couple (half the prospective guests are couples) to attend the bachelor/bachelorette party, the Ocean City option would cost (conservatively) $500, including an estimate for parking, food, & drinks. Another main point I would include would be that there are only 4 single (bunk) beds and 12 single people attending, meaning 8 people are either going to have to share a double bed with another person that they may/may not know well or choose to sleep on the floor. Also, there are only 2 bathrooms for 14 people, which would mean to shower up and go out after a day on the beach would take 2 1/2 hours at 10 minutes apeice. I think these are non-emotional and logistical points that she needs to consider before deciding to go forward. The alternative I presented would cost approx $375/weekend and there are only 2 double beds which could be shared by a couple so no awkward sharing of a double with people who might not be the closest of friends. All other beds are singles, queens, or kings. There are also 9 bathrooms between the 3 places. There are many other points that I could make, but I think keeping it bare bones is probably best.
My strategy for wording is to tell her that I'm not presenting this information to make her feel guilty, since people of the bridal are probably had expectations of and are happy to spend a certain amount of $ to celebrate. But beyond that point they may begin to think of it as a burden and resentment issues could brew.
So, what do you think? I'm trying to make this emotional event (for the bride) as non-emotional and fact based as possible. Is this a bad idea?????
Re: WDYT regarding bachelorette party
I probably wouldn't bring up the price of being in the bridal party. As for the bachelorette/bachelor party, I would give her a cost difference & advantages of the second option...and also really push that people will be more likely to go if it were option 2 - and wouldn't she rather have a big group of friends rather than a few but in OC?
I know my girlfriend was debating a DW, and we discussed the pros & cons, and in the end, it was more important to have more of her friends & family around than get married in Las Vegas (which would have obviously been more expensive).
I am sorry you are going through this - I felt like when I planned my wedding, I did everything I could to keep costs down for the bridal party, friends, and family, but some brides just forget about that when it is their wedding.
I think you should bring it up. Maybe not with a specific list of each cost, but with a ballpark: "we're spending close to $500 to come to the wedding and another $500 for the bachelorette weekend will really strain our finances." If she thinks the wedding costs don't add up to $500, then you can show her the list.
From an outsiders point of view, I think the bride is being unreasonable. It's ridiculous to expect people to take time & money to come to a bachelorette party two weeks before they are taking time & money to come to the wedding. I lived in Lousiana, and then Oklahoma before we got married. I had no close friends in either of those places, and neither did DH. I went home once during my planning, and during that time, I had a shower. My bachelorette party was dinner & drinks with a few of my local friends and the one OOT bridesmaid who was in town the Thursday night before my wedding. DH went out to eat with his BIL, my BIL, his best friend and I think our dads. Would I (and DH) have liked to have a bigger event? Sure. But, we could not even undertake that expense for ourselves, much less ask our friends and family to do it. And, at least for me, most of my friends were local and not even traveling to the wedding.
But, if the bride has her heart set on it, I think all you can do is at least steer her towards the less expensive and more accomodating option. Then, let people decide if that fits their budgets and hopefully she won't be too disappointed if people have to back out because they simply can't spend that kind of money.
This. I think that you should only bring up the 'wedding' cost if she's insistent that the trip is not that much money. At that point, I would probably say " you know, nobody minds spending xx to attend and be in your wedding, but adding $500 to that cost is going to make it extrememly difficult for some to attend.
This wording is great!