Sex & Romance
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Needing a little help

So FI and I seem to be needing a little help.  He seems to be having a bit...too much fun?  He always seems to come early.  Like, we get to the actual act of 'making love', but he almost always finishes before I do.

 I'm not so worried about it - heck, he takes care of me in other ways, and we've got the rest of our lives to figure this out! - but he gets embarrassed by it and often doesn't want to 'have "salt"' (our code name) because he knows it will "end too soon".

 Does anyone have any suggestions on steps we could take to help him?  So far, we've tried pulling out and waiting a few minutes, stopping and not doing anything to give him time to rest, and three different types of condoms (which seem to increase his sensation, not dull it, despite what previous boyfriends told me).  So far, no condom [though I am on BC] seems to be the best way to get him to last the longest.

 Anything that I can take back to him and offer as a suggestion would be welcome.  I feel so bad that he gets upset - and I really miss our "salt" time!!!


image

***raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways***
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Re: Needing a little help

  • I don't have any advice...I'm just wondering why the heck you call it "salt"...and feel the need to have a code name?!
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  • Eh...cause it's fun and makes me laugh.  "salt" because i asked him to hand me the salt when i was making dinner one night and he said we were out, so i said screw it and we ended up doing it instead.

     I never said it was a cute story, i just said it was a story. =]


    image

    ***raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways***
    oh noes, sweetpea UPDATED her planning bio

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  • Pulling out and waiting is the best method that I can think of if condoms fail to put a damper on it. And don't worry, we have a code for sex too. We call it vanilla. So when we're out I can just say I want VANILLA ice cream. It's fun. 
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  • imagesweetpea0911:

    So FI and I seem to be needing a little help.  He seems to be having a bit...too much fun?  He always seems to come early.  Like, we get to the actual act of 'making love', but he almost always finishes before I do.

     I'm not so worried about it - heck, he takes care of me in other ways, and we've got the rest of our lives to figure this out! - but he gets embarrassed by it and often doesn't want to 'have "salt"' (our code name) because he knows it will "end too soon".

     Does anyone have any suggestions on steps we could take to help him?  So far, we've tried pulling out and waiting a few minutes, stopping and not doing anything to give him time to rest, and three different types of condoms (which seem to increase his sensation, not dull it, despite what previous boyfriends told me).  So far, no condom [though I am on BC] seems to be the best way to get him to last the longest.

     Anything that I can take back to him and offer as a suggestion would be welcome.  I feel so bad that he gets upset - and I really miss our "salt" time!!!

    Indifferent

  • I have no advice for you, but I am in the same boat. It's actually funny, I think. It doesn't bother me at all; I don't O vaginally anyways. As the matter of fact, the other night he was putting it in, and it was only about half way in and he lost it. He just said he was really excited. We've been married for going on 3 years now, and he's still like a kid on Christmas morning. Smile  Sorry, that was no help. Just thought I'd let ya know you're not alone!
    image





    **Nestie Besties with Deutschefairy**

    Diagnosed PCOS '03, TTC #1 Since March '09
    BFP - 10/20/10, M/C - 10/29/10
    June 2011 - 50mg Clomid = No O
    Dieted and exercised my butt off for PCOS = BFP 5/7/2012
    Due 12/29/2012
  • imageHollylb3:
    I have no advice for you, but I am in the same boat. It's actually funny, I think. It doesn't bother me at all; I don't O vaginally anyways. As the matter of fact, the other night he was putting it in, and it was only about half way in and he lost it. He just said he was really excited. We've been married for going on 3 years now, and he's still like a kid on Christmas morning. Smile  Sorry, that was no help. Just thought I'd let ya know you're not alone!

    How do you know you don't O vaginally if your H doesn't give you a chance? Unacceptable, seriously.

  • There have been times when he hasn't finished that quickly. Trust me, he's tried to make me O that way. There'd be nothing he'd love more. We just haven't gotten there yet.

    image





    **Nestie Besties with Deutschefairy**

    Diagnosed PCOS '03, TTC #1 Since March '09
    BFP - 10/20/10, M/C - 10/29/10
    June 2011 - 50mg Clomid = No O
    Dieted and exercised my butt off for PCOS = BFP 5/7/2012
    Due 12/29/2012
  • imageHollylb3:
    I have no advice for you, but I am in the same boat. It's actually funny, I think. It doesn't bother me at all; I don't O vaginally anyways. As the matter of fact, the other night he was putting it in, and it was only about half way in and he lost it. He just said he was really excited. We've been married for going on 3 years now, and he's still like a kid on Christmas morning. Smile  Sorry, that was no help. Just thought I'd let ya know you're not alone!

     At least we're not alone! =]
     


    image

    ***raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways***
    oh noes, sweetpea UPDATED her planning bio

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • imagesweetpea0911:

    imageHollylb3:
    I have no advice for you, but I am in the same boat. It's actually funny, I think. It doesn't bother me at all; I don't O vaginally anyways. As the matter of fact, the other night he was putting it in, and it was only about half way in and he lost it. He just said he was really excited. We've been married for going on 3 years now, and he's still like a kid on Christmas morning. Smile  Sorry, that was no help. Just thought I'd let ya know you're not alone!

     At least we're not alone! =]
     

    Um... I agree. You definitely don't know if you can O vaginally if your H only puts it "in halfway" and... then he's done. Im also side eyeing the "salt" story.

    Anyway, I would suggest that your H slows down and when he feels he is about to O pull out... Just take it easier. 

  • We'll keep trying the "pull out and wait" method...hopefully it does something one day!  I definitely "O" vaginally so I get sad when he's done before me...but I still love him.

     As for side-eyeing the "salt" thing, go ahead and do it all ya want.  I'm not hiding anything, nor am I ashamed.  It makes me laugh and that's important to me.
     


    image

    ***raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways***
    oh noes, sweetpea UPDATED her planning bio

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I know there are some lubes out there that numb him a little bit so he'll last longer. That's what the condoms are supposed to do too I suppose, but maybe you can try those. I've seen them at WalMart and at our local CVS/Rite Aid.
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  • Try different positions.  That helps when I am feeling greedyEmbarrassed GL!

    TTC since 7/2009 ~ 9/2009 Removed Septum and Endo
    Cycle 19 -HCG * Cycle 20 -Break unable to be monitored * Cycle 21 -Clomid 50mg + HCG * Cycle 22 -Clomid 100mg + HCG * Cycle 23 -Break due to cyst
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  • Have him give you oral until you're most of the way there, then switch to penetrative sex.  That way, it's less about trying to slow him down than about trying to catch you up :) 

    Out of curiosity, does he masturbate frequently?  That can have an effect in sooooo many different ways that it's a pretty important thing to take into account.

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