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WWYD?
I have a dilema on my hands. DH and I are not religious. We were both raised Christian, but are now agnostic. DH's family knows this. He "came out" if you will a couple years ago and while his family doesn't like it, they've become more tolerant over time. My family, on the other hand, does not know. I haven't been to my church in about 2 or more years.
So today I get a voicemail from my Mother asking what time our brunch with FIL is at because they would like me to go to church with them. (My family celebrated Easter last Sunday because of family leaving out of town and I couldn't make it). I don't know what to say to her. I have no valid excuse to give her for why I can't go. DH said I need to just tell them the truth already, but I said no way. Even if I had the guts to tell them the truth I'm not going to do it days before a major Christian holiday. Soooo, what the heck do I do? (And DH said there is no way he will go to church with me)
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Re: WWYD?
I think you need to be honest with your family. You're an adult and capable of making your own religious choices. That being said, the church will not burst into flames if you go. I'm agnostic but still went to church with my Gma when she asked me too. She knew I didn't believe but it was important to her.
ETA: Good luck with everything. I've come to dread holidays because of trying to see everyone and house hopping.
Hmm, I can see the predicament here. While you want to be honest with your family and be yourself around them, I totally understand not wanting to rock the boat.
Is there anyway you can go to church with them this time and maybe bring it up later? If you don't feel comfortable with this, you might have to come up with some excuse to not go. Does your family know that your DH is agnostic? Not to make him a scapegoat (okay, maybe just this once...
, but you could tell them that you'd rather stay home with him but would love to meet up with them later.
Regardless of what you decide for this holiday, I hope you find a way to open up about your beliefs with your family in the future and have a productive conversation. Good luck!
Hmm, thats rough. If I were you, I would probably just go this time, and pick a time (that is far away from any holidays) to talk to them about being agnostic. You are totally right that now probably isn't the right time to bring it up.
Also, DH and I are church-goers and my parents aren't... We got them to come with us to church once and even though they spent the entire time picking apart our church and letting us know what they didn't like about it... I felt really great that they came with us. So, know that going with them even though you have your own feelings on the matter probably means a lot more to them than you realize. Does that make sense?
I think you should either go and find another time to bring it up, or do like Katie suggested and say your DH does not feel comfortable going and you want to spend Easter with your husband. GL! I know how hard this can be as I'm not a church going person anymore and my mom is constantly trying to get me to go.
Def. agree with everyone else. I would go this Sunday but have an honest conversation with them in the next few months. Although I am not Christian, I go to DH's church a few times a month out of respect for him and his family.
I completely agree with Mary. You need to either be honest with them or spend an hour of your time attending mass.
We were very honest with our families that we just weren't in the right place to attend church for the past few years and we weren't interested in a Catholic ceremony for our wedding. Our families weren't thrilled about it, but they understood we were adults and they weren't going to try to talk us into something we weren't comfortable with. Fast forward to the present: we are expecting our first child in a few months and we know that a religious presence in our child's life is a must. We have recently had our marriage blessed and are having our baby baptized. We have been regularly attending mass since the marriage blessing and intend to continue with this for the baby.
here's the thing- as much as you are entitled to your religious choices and practices I don't think it's an issue to attend services with them.
I do think, however, you should opt out of communion and have an honest conversation with them about your beliefs and practices BUT- at the same time- I view this much the same way I'd attend a funeral, baptism or wedding. I've been to many different places of worship despite having on affiliation with them.
Attending is more of a sign of community and respect to be with your family (the holiday/occasion) and less about the mass itself. Does that make any sense?
And, I'd also add that I think your dh should put his big boy pants on and suck it up this once. Part of being an adult is not always doing what we want and compromising.
If he opts out he will likely be made to be seen as the scapegoat in this equation..
I agree!
Thank you everyone for your suggestions!
I decided I will go, but I'm dragging DH with me. I've gone to many holiday masses with the ILs, even though I was never catholic. DH can come to one with me. I know I need to be honest with them. DH and I are planning to start a family next year so I know it needs to be brought up, but I hate confrontation and I know my parents will be deeply hurt and angry.
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Formerly Knottie Soon2beMrs.G_09