August 2006 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
"retarded"
ok to use in conversation or not?
I just really pissed someone off because I said using that word wasn't ok. I work with kids who are legally deemed "mentally retarded." To me its like calling things "gay."....Its using who someone is to demean something else.
But I feel like a b!tchy every freaking time I point either of these words out since they are so common ly used. But IMO, just because its common doesn't mean its ok.
ALL i said to this girl was "I don't think its ok to use that word" and she flipped because I called her "bigoted" which I did not. Ugh.
Re: "retarded"
Not okay to use.
I wouldn't unless the person I was speaking to knew I was intending it. I jokingly use "gay" to my husband and one of my good friends, but never to anyone else. They know I have no issue with gay people and do not consider being gay an insult. We're all just kidding.
Same with retarded. DH says, is a big fan of retarded, but obviously I know he bears no ill will toward those who are actually mentally retarded. But honestly, when referring to actual people who are mentally retarded, I would say just that. I'd never say, "So I met this retard the other day..." That seems demeaning. Just as I'd never say, "I met a gay the other day..."
I think it's all about usage, who you use it to, and what you mean.
I admit I use "dumb" but thats because its no longer a term used to describe those with disabilities, but "retarded" is still a legal term used to describe people. I use dork but in a positive way
I do not use lame or idiot. Well,l I have jokingly called DH lame when we are kidding about the fact that he is an amputee...but thats actually the proper use!
I wouldn't use it to you or anyone I didn't know for fear that they would think I am a bigot, which I am not. Like I said, it's only for people who know me, or get me.
And that is obviously your perogative, but I don't agree with this line of thinking (in general-not yours in particular).
Bunny: I know you don't mean anything by it. I really do, but how would you feel if I described *dumb* (shout out to SBP) things as "Bunny."
"That comment by Palin about Russia was so Bunny!"
I don't think you are *dumb* but it still is harsh to use a person(s) to describe things we look down on...even if it isn't intentional.
I think I'm with bunny here. I've been a big user of "retarded" fairly recently, but I've dialed it way back (mostly due to the influence of you lovely gals). I now mostly use it only with Mr.P or close friends. I never really used "gay" much in that way, but I'll use it here or there only with Mr.P.
Honestly I was not aware that "retarded" was still a legal designation. I thought it was okay because it's not the correct term for any actual person.
There's something brewing in my head about a slippery slope of sorts, but I'm too Friday to flesh that out right now.
Bottom line: you're not out of line. In polite conversation, it's reasonable to assume that some people may be offended by that particular word usage.
I think that SBPs words have made the switch to everyday usage so long ago that they're ok to use whereas retarded is still a clinical term in some cases.
I always found it amusing that a roommate in college had a retarded brother, she was a special ed major, and she still said retarded as an insult. I figured if she felt ok saying it, then I wasn't going to worry about it too much.
This is random, but mental retardation does not necessarily have to be "mild."
Someone can be considered mentally retarded, profoundly retarded etc. It's still used in a medical context.
my read shelf:
I think its different for kids and different when you are among your "inner circle" i.e. close family and friend who you can "shoot the sh!t" around. I would never use the term "retarded" in place of "silly" at work or around casual acquaintances but I would around DH and DH's freinds.
For kids, they are learning how to speak and when to use what terms so I think they definitely need to be corrected. If that girl said, for instance, "don't be retarded" and ment "don't be silly" she needs to learn to use the most appropriate words and needs to be told to do so.
I worked at a camp once where I was incharge of a gaggle of 10-13 year olds. There were dances they would dress up for and they would ask eachother if what they were wearing was "too slutty". I told them to say "revealing" not "slutty" 1) because thats what they really ment, and 2) god forbid one of these kids is heard saying "shes dressing too slutty" and sends someone into tears.
so yeah, for kids its different.
I work at a children's institute and actually give this diagnosis. Professionally, we'll say "MR" if someone comes out as "retarded." Retarded is definitely not good to say b/c of the negative connotation (not like being MR is good, but i think you know what i mean). There's Borderline, Mild, Moderate, Severe and Profound MR. Interestingly, I recently came across an old list of terms for the various levels of MR. I was shocked. Previously used terms were Cretin, Imbecile, Moron, Idiot, Mongol....I wish I could find the list. Anyway, very interesting! Maybe in a few decades retard will be as commonly used idiot and we'll be on to some new PC term! BTW-Developmentally delayed is an umbrella term for a number of disorders it does not = MR.
I agree with Irish on this one.
Although I do say things around H that I would never ever say around anyone else.