Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Low Lobido in Men
My BF has been having issues with his sex drive or lack of sex drive. At first he said it was stress from work and family issues. These things have all died down. We haven't had sex in 7 weeks. He knows I am frustrated and he is frustrated at his lack of drive. His penis does become erect, just all at the wrong times like while driving to work and from to work. He is not with someone else and hasn't masterbated in the last 7 weeks. We are just not sure what is going on or if there is anything he can do to up his libido. BF is 32 years old, with no health issues, very active, weight trains and cardio 5 days a week, eats healthy, doesn't smoke, and drinks on occasion.
Any suggestions, thoughts, advice?
TIA!
Re: Low Lobido in Men
Question: Can he get it up when he's WITH you? I get that it works and all other times but can he when he's with you? has he tried and it's just not happening?
Do you think it's a matter of him freaking himself out? Being so worried about getting it up when he's with you that he just can't?
H went through something like this. He was sick and right afterwards he just couldn't do it...his penis worked, he'd get hard sometimes just not when he actually was trying. He tried alone, with me, but whenever he tried he'd get more and more frustrated and it just made it worse. He finally went to the docs and he prescribed him viagara, and told him to just cut them in half and take 1/2 of one before we wanted to have sex. He took it 2 times, and that was enough to get his confidence back up and going. It was just all in his head.
I'd get him to go to the docs, it might be as easy as just a little 'confidence booster'
I do think he is freaking himself out a little bit. He kinda thinks it may all be in his head too. Maybe the doc visit will be a little confidence boost for him.
Thanks for the tip!
This. Rule out a medical issue first. I had a similar issue with my soon to be ex H, but he refused to go see the doctor. I would figure this out ASAP. We didn't have sex for over 5 months and I finally couldn't take it anymore (he would blame it on me - a super long story). Of course there were multiple issues why we are divorcing.
My point is, it is a huge ref flag if your H is not receptive to the idea of seeing a doctor. He should want to figure it out. Is it possible he is going through depression or any other sort of mental issue right now?
GL to you! Just remember this is more about him than you!
ETA: One more question - what happens when you get turned on and come on to HIM? Does it normally get his juices flowing? Is it really 100 percent him getting erect at all the wrong times?
Definitely agree with him getting a PCP appointment.
Can you schedule some sexy time - like on a Saturday afternoon when he is well rested and there is no outside stress?
What would happen if you just snuggled and kissed/touched each other a bit on the couch without pressure of having to have sex? Sort of a try some relaxed foreplay and see what happens.
This didn't work with us...If he completely relaxed (like get him to lay on his back, close his eyes) and if I just kinda gently moved my hand around him he'd be able to relax enough to get hard but, and he'd get into it but as soon as we went to go further, or it got a little more heated he'd start thinking about it went away.
You could try it though, I know for us it was a CLEAR sign that it was all in his head and caused by stress or anxiety of some sort.
Get him to the doc, let him know that it happens to other people, that it might just be because he's stressed, there is no point waiting on this though. We waited for 2 weeks, that's it, so 7 weeks...I'd be making an appointment asap!
Is this something new?
Have you also been together for a real long time? Sex and passion tends to wane when you are together for a good clip of time.
Maybe you guys are in a sexual rut. Why not take the initiative -- when he's in the shower, you jump in and let nature take its course.