Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Need some advice (sports related)
Back in Jan. I was elected the coach of my church's softball team. Another player from our team also, put his name in and lost. Last year we both ran the team because the former coach quit half way through the year. He was very mad that he didn't get elected coach. He told people he quit and wasn't going to play because he wasn't elected coach and I said fine. Then he came to different events so i figured he didn't really meant what he said. Then he said he was quiting again and moving to Canada to meet a girl. Well last week he called my assistant coach and asked him to find out if he could be put back on the team he wasn't moving to Canada. I said why didn't he just email me or call me. My assistant called him back and said you need to call Jamie and he said he didn't have anyway to get ahold of me. Which is a lie because everygame last year he would call my husband to find out if he was coming to the game, as text messaged me, and emailed me, and I am in our church directory. He called me and I told him before I say yes he would need to sit down with the Pastor of our church and I before practice and work out a few issues. Well at church on Wed. he went to our Pastor and asked him what the meeting is about. He told him don't worry its nothing don't sweat it. It is just about commintment issues and we will discuss everything on Saturday. He called me and said the Pastor told me we don't have to meet everything is worked out. And I went WHAT??? I said no its not we need to still meet before I will say yes to you being on the team. I talked to the Pastor about the conversation and he said that he is lying.
He has quit twice and lied twice. And I am not sure if I should let him back on the team. My heart is saying this is a church team and you need to forgive wrongs that occur to you, but my head is screaming this is the biggest mistake you know what is going to happen don't let him on the team. My assistant is torn as well. The Pastor said when ever dealing with him he treats him as if he is a teenager and keeps giving him tons of chances. But he isn't a teenager he is 40 years old and should have consquences for his actions.
(Side note: Every year no matter what team he plays for he quits two-three times, but always comes back the next game acting as if nothing happened. He throws bats and has a bad reputation with all the umpires in the league)
Re: Need some advice (sports related)
Depending on the dynamics of your team, I'd be tempted to institute some type of absence policy. Like, missing two practices will result in being benched for the next game (or something that works for your team). That way, he isn't singled out as the bad guy, but hopefully it will prevent the repeated quitting performances.
And performances are what this is. I'll bet he's probably socially awkward and lonely. Frankly, he probably doesn't have enough self-esteem to find himself worthy of positive attention, and is acting out negatively to get any kind of attention. I know I'm going out on a limb, because I've never met the person in question, but it sounds very familiar. It all reeks of desperation to me.
Your pastor can give you more insight, but here is my advice. When talking to him, I'd try my best to enforce the positive and dismiss the negative. Along the lines of, "You have a great arm. We love having you on the team, except that when you pull the disappearing act. You need to make a decision about playing this year, or I'm sorry, but we will have to go on without you." As much as possible, I'd try to keep the rules clear and simple so he has less room to wiggle around them. I agree with showing grace, but you have to balance the teams feeling with this person's.
Sorry, it's a frustrating situation and there is no easy answer. For what it's worth, I think your team made a good choice electing you as their coach.
I don't think this would work because it is a church league. It isn't a school league or a league where people are trying to make it in the sport. It is a league for competitive fun, but the players also have families and there could be things that arise that people can't help it if they don't make the practices (ie vacation, but back in time for the game, or family illness/death, etc). I know I grew up with my dad playing in a church league and while he always did his best to get to practices, it was understood that people had families who were playing and this league wasn't their #1 priority.