Sex & Romance
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Getting out of a rut..

New to marraige and new to the nest. A slightly personal subject but what the heck? Right?

 H and I have been married for almost 4 months.  You would think we would be having sex all the time.  Already our sex life has almost disappeared. It's as if we both are just tired, stressed, or busy....all the time. Or sick.  Sick is what has been going on this month.

 How do you just get over your low energy and get into it? 

Re: Getting out of a rut..

  • I find that the more I have sex the more I want sex.
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  • imageViolet_McPurpleson:
    I find that the more I have sex the more I want sex.

    I have heard this as well, I haven't had the chance to try it yet. We too have just been so busy and tired and haven't been able to find the time. I still try to make sure we do it at least once a week but I've heard the more you do it the more you want it and it helps. I plan on trying that once we get through this move to our new house this weekend. ;-)

  • DH and I have busy schedules, so we decided to schedule  time together.  Not very romantic, but it was the only way we could.  And yes there are many nights, either one of us will come home and don't want to be touched since the day was so stressful we can't let it go, or we are too tired, we are only human.  But on those few days per month we know we will at least look forward to our time together.
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  • I might suggest sending dirty texts to each other.  It doesn't take any energy, but it will make both of you think about sex all day.  By the time you're home together just bring it back up and you just might be in the mood to act on the dirty messages.  Granted, this doesn't give you energy, just something to think about so maybe you're desire will overcome your tiredness.

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  • Sick and exhausted are usually going to trump sexy for most people.

    Sounds like you should start scheduing some sexy time. And it also sounds like you might need to adjust your expectations and stop being so hard on yourself.

    Hope is not a strategy.
  • The Hubby and I just got out of one.. They just come on for some reason, but my advice would be like others.. Have sex more and then you will want it more. I didn't believe anyone when they said it but it worked for us. Good luck! =)
  • imagealexisanna44:
    I might suggest sending dirty texts to each other.  It doesn't take any energy, but it will make both of you think about sex all day.  By the time you're home together just bring it back up and you just might be in the mood to act on the dirty messages.  Granted, this doesn't give you energy, just something to think about so maybe you're desire will overcome your tiredness.
    I think this is a great idea to get the ball rolling.I also woud like to say that I think that if you have a hard day the best way to let it go and feel better is to talk about it. I find real comfort when I am stressed and tlk to my BF/DH . Even if he is not really listening to me go on and on about something he acts like he is. He always just tells me to lay on his chest and he gives this awesome head massage. That just makes a great foundation for some time alone,talking and who knows what else. When he is having a bad I return the favor. When you know he has had a bd day as soon as he walks through the door bless him with a BJ!!
  • imageViolet_McPurpleson:
    I find that the more I have sex the more I want sex.

     

    I second this!  We were sort of in a rut for a little bit also.  This month we are really focusing on TTC and decided to have as much sex possible regardless of how we feel.  Now even though I am not in my fertile windows we are still having sex a lot!

  • Like others have said, having sex will make you want sex more. The first few times you probably won't be looking forward to it, but once you're into it, you should enjoy it and will be wanting it the next time.

    Also, when you get home from work, change clothes. You don't have to put on lingerie, but put on an outfit that DH thinks is sexy and that you feel sexy in. It's likely to help set the mood.

  • I recommend a few glasses of wine (or something a little bit more exciting) to unwind.  Getting a little crazy like the old days is really exciting and fun in the bedroom. 
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  • imageViolet_McPurpleson:
    I find that the more I have sex the more I want sex.

    This. Just do it... Im sure you all will get back into the mood. 

  • scheduling sexy time. I like the sound of this. I have been thinking I need some more "me" time, relaxation, before he gets home. It might help.
  • Thanks for all the advice guys. I think what I am hearing is JUST DO IT. Gotta get over it somehow :-)
  • imageViolet_McPurpleson:
    I find that the more I have sex the more I want sex.

    This is true for me as well. Also, paying extra attention to myself like taking a long shower or bath, shaving really well, doing hair/makeup... etc will also make me feel very sexy.

    Just start kissing your DH, that will sometimes lead to other things and even if it doesn't it still feels good to both of you.

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