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poll stolen from another board: hardest thing you've done/been through in life
I saw this on another board...I know we've all had hard times in our lives, so I thought I'd ask the same thing: what's the hardest thing you've done or been through in life? (BTW - not going for a game of one-upmanship here...everyone faces challenges they have to overcome, regardless of how dramatic those challenges might be, so everyone has the right to be proud of what they've accomplished.)
As far as mine go...some things were hard (like growing up very poor [we sometimes didn't know where our next meal was coming from], or taking an insanely heavy academic load of 25 credits a semester in college while working as well), but the REALLY hard things...
Family-wise, it's a toss up between kissing my grandmother goodbye before I left for Australia and dealing with my brother's mental illness. My grandma was very ill (leukemia) and I knew she would probably die while I was away. She had started losing her mental faculties and when I kissed her, she jerked away with an angry, frightened expression on her face...it kills me that in my last memory of her, she didn't know who I was and didn't want me there.
My brother is bipolar and it went undiagnosed during his teens. Trying to help him and to cope myself was very rough. To be honest (and I feel rather cruel saying this), I think my mom could have handled it better than she did - his father was manic depressive so we all knew there was a good chance that my brother would be as well, but my mom was in super denial and kept insisting he just had "bad teen behavior" so he didn't get the help he desperately needed for years after his symptoms started showing.
Miscarrying was possibly the single most devastating physical thing I've been through. It's just impossible to describe the overwhelming heartache you go through.
Finally, leaving my emotionally abusive psycho ex after a 3 year relationship. I never ever in a million billion years thought I was the type of woman who would be in a situation like that, and I had some issues to work through afterward before I could feel good about myself again.
Re: poll stolen from another board: hardest thing you've done/been through in life
My mom and grandpa (mom's dad) both passed away in a 5 weeks span in 2007, during my last semester of nursing school. My grandpa lived with us from when I was 8 on, so he was more like a dad to me and it was basically like losing both parents. And being an only child, I had to go through it alone. I mean, Brady was there and my friends and family were there, but no one else could feel exactly what I was going through.
The worst part was that my mom was in ICU and I had to be the one to make the decision to withdraw care because they said there was no chance of recovery. Once they extubated her she lived only about 30 minutes and we were there to see her take her last breath. It was definitely the worst thing I have ever been through and I'm not sure anything in my life could ever top that.
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Like you, Lisa, I grew up very poor....we were on welfare for a few years and always in threat of losing our home. But I honestly didn't know a lot of that at the time.....it's only looking back that I realize how hard things were.
I'd have to say the hardest time for me would be a combination of two similar events a few years apart: The day in sixth grade when I came home from school and my mom and step-dad sat me down and asked me if I knew what "suicide" meant. Of course, being the naive girl I was, I didn't. So they had to explain to me what that me what it meant and that my dad was in the hospital after having his stomach pumped. At age 12 I was very confused by all of this and thought that it was all my fault. I still have feelings of guilt about my relationship with my father. He survived, but still battles depression.
The kicker was in college when I broke up with my boyfriend of almost six years, whom I knew had manic-depressive issues (part of why we didn't make it.....I couldn't prop him up anymore), and he downed a bottle of pills about a month after the break-up. And after he did it, he confided in me and I had to convince him to let me take him to the hospital. He did, and he's "fine" now, married to a girl we went to school with (who, incidentally, is great for him....I'm truly so happy for them both) with two kids. But having two people close to try attempt suicide is something that the guilt stays with you, no matter how much you tell yourself it has nothing to do with you.
Wow Lisa, heavy stuff here.
On paper, I had the sort of childhood that makes for good talk-show TV (unknown paternity of siblings, drug/alcholic using parents, child of multiple divorces, emotional and physical abuse, single poor mother, etc.) but since I didn't know any other life I never once felt it was tough while I was growing up...it was just "normal" to me.
The toughest thing I have been through is surving rape in 1991, my first year at college.
I have had some other challenges like my first marriage ending in divorce and nearly financially ruining me, losing family members to drugs and alcohol, dealing with depressed family members, etc. but nothing was as life changing personally as being raped. It's not something I talk about much anymore...I am over it...and not ashamed to discuss it (although I know it makes others feel uncomfortable)...but I did talk about it a lot when I was in my late teens and twenties and think I helped a lot of other women because of it. For that I am grateful.
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I think this is why I don't really consider it one of my actual hardest things...I was a kid and we still played and laughed and loved each other and the rest of it was just the way things were, you know? I didn't really understand just how bad it was. It was only when I got a bit older (in my teens, by which point things had improved - still not great but past the point where my mom didn't know where we'd get our next meal from) that I was able to look back and see just how hard things really were. But I imagine that if you asked her, she'd absolutely list that time as one of her hardest things in life.
Lori, can I ask you a personal question? I don't want to pry if you don't want to talk about it... but did you go to the police about your rapist? What happened?
I've been fielding a lot of questions from my students about sexual assault lately - and I KNOW that some of them have been assaulted already but think that they haven't (the concept of date rape is confusing to many of them)... anyway, I'm always looking to hear survivors' stories... it helps me deal with my students better. But, please, no pressure to share if you don't want to!!
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I went to campus police but there was no real physical evidence (I had already showered and he had used a condom) but I filed a complaint anyway. It was tough since he was a "big man on campus" type...a grad student in the Law School, President of the Student Union, etc. I was essentially told that if I wanted to press charges and make it a criminal case it would go public and my name could be published in the paper, etc. because I was over 18.
Looking back on it, I think they were bullying me not to file criminal charges. Anyway, I was just getting started as a singer and the last thing I wanted was my name in the paper so everyone would be thinking of me as "the girl who was raped by hot shot big man on campus"...so I stuck with my orginal complaint that required him to go to counseling and complete some sensitivity training, etc. Basically a slap on the wrist. I about fainted when I saw him handing our pamphlets at a "Take Back the Night" anti-rape rally. I had to leave because I felt instantly sick. I left that school at the end of the year and transferred back to one in-state. I never saw him again. I imagine he's a lawyer somewhere today.
As for your students...I always advise...if you're even asking yourself if it was assault/rape, it probably is...
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That's AWFUL. What a gut shot. Thanks for sharing, Lori. I always appreciate your insight!
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
Dates & Quinces Blog