April 2008 Weddings
jenth
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Living with the ILs? Poll...
I want to see what other experiences have been... because Dave and I are talking about this if we sell our house, as an option.[Poll]
Re: Living with the ILs? Poll...
I obviously voted for no way in hell. But if you had mine, you'd feel the same.
BIP - i'm going off topic here but at Easter MIL moved a bday celebration time and date for someone bc they had to go up to see BIL's girlfriends last band concert in college YET they show up 15 min before my open house ends and couldn't rearrange my schedule to get there sooner. lsdajfioafoasihfsdoiahfsoif7134873$##$%#$%!##$^%#$^
We rent my MIL's condo. She doesn't live there, but it's her house and we send her rent money every month and whatnot. And honestly, I can't stand it. I hate her knowing when we are having financial difficulties and knowing too much about our business. Luckily, she's a great woman and is very understanding. It's still just very awkward, especially when DH was unemployed and we were really scraping by, I hated her knowing that we were down like that. Actually living with her? Not something I would do. My parents, YES! DH's, NO!
My blog
Married bio
I think that living with my ILs has had both it's ups and downs. Overall, it was really good for us and it really helped us out a lot.
There are definitely plus' to living with them. We were able to pay off all our credit cards and save money and we're in the process of building a house that we only need 1 salary to live on because of the saving/debt reduction we did living with them. I have gotten a lot closer to my MIL and have actually built a relationship with my FIL (before we had conversations but he goes to bed like right after dinner so whenever we were over there before we lived there it was usually after he was sleeping so I never saw him).
I hang out with my MIL more and we talk more. We've become friends. I never really thought she liked me or even accepted me as family but she really does and I'm really glad to have that opportunity to build our relationship.
We also have our own space. A whole floor in fact. With it's own entrance. Not that I use that as my entrance, but I can and I have if I want to sneak in (and that's usually because I'm running in and running out and don't want to upset the dog it has nothing to do with them for the record). And they are REALLY good about that being OUR space. There is a storage room (and all the elec/water/etc for the house) downstairs and if they need to come down, when we're home, they always ask first they don't just barge in. MIL will come down sometimes and if we're in the back we can't always hear so she'll slowly come through and holler for us until we hear/respond. It's cute.
But, on the downside, we are kind of on their schedule as far as dinner goes. And we eat what they eat. We have the opportunity to make dinner and weigh in but usually FIL starts dinner before I even get home so even if I wanted to cook by the time I get home it's too late. And I don't always enjoy what they make and I don't really like eating dinner at 6:00 every.single.day. That part really irritates me and we HAVE to eat as a family. Which can be nice sometimes, but I don't always want to eat dinner as early as they do or I want or am doing something but when it's dinner you better have your butt upstairs and at the table.
Laundry sometimes is another problem. If I need to do laundry but MIL is then I have to wait. But it goes both ways, she won't ever ask me to stop doing my laundry so she can do hers she waits until I'm done to start. It's just a pain because we both like to do ours on Saturdays but I (always have) done mine in the morning first thing to get it out of the way and she (always has) done hers in the evening while she's watching TV or whatnot so it usually works out but there have been times (mid-week) when we get in each others way. It's annoying, but really manageable.
And there are FIVE dogs in that house. Mine included but ILs have 2, SIL has 2 and we have 1. The other 4 bark and drive me batshitcrazy. They also kind of annoy Buddy but he hangs with me downstairs.
My advice is to think about it long and hard. It is a BIG change. Especially since you are currently living on your own. It was an adjustment for us to go back to sharing a space with parents and even though they treat us like adults and give us our space and don't really care what we do or where we are we always tell them just so they know (I mean they are parents and parents do worry even when they say they dont). We talked with my ILs a LOT before we moved in. Set a plan for how long we were going to be there, and what we were going to be responsible for paying them each month, and if we were to be responsible for anything else around the house. We ironed everything out before we moved in and overall it has been a great decision and if I had to I would do it again, but probably not for as long as we did this time.
My blog
Married bio
I love my MIL, but I would never ever live with them. They own a huge 7 bedroom 7 bathroom house and are always trying to convince SIL/BIL & DH & I to move in with them. WHY? To save money for bigger houses. Our house is fine thankyouverymuch! SIL/BIL's house is perfect for them. She just wants us to live with them so she can keep track of everything we do. Shes a little nutty. Like I said before 7bd/7bth They use 2 bedrooms 1 bath in the entire house because MIL dosent want to have to clean the other rooms. Yet they choose to use the smallest bathroom and sleep in "Chris' bedroom". Chris has never even lived in that house, but they made up a room for him when he came to stay. But they sleep in there, then move into his little brother room when we stay. Little BIL is 14 and all three of them sleep in the queen sized bed together. A lil fukced up you say? Yes, absol-freaking-lutly. But she dosent want to have to top to bottom clean another bedroom which she HAS to do before and after guests stay. DH wont man up and ask her if we can just keep a room for us when we stay. I mean, I dont want to sleep in a bed his parents use every single night. EWWWW
Wow that kind of went on a bit.
Can you get your own internet? Or if SIL has internet maybe you can buy a router so you can hook up wirelessly. We ran all the wires in the basement for both TV and internet.
I'm not sure. I suppose if we pay for it, they would probably be fine with that. I have a few other concerns; we have a cat and they don't have any pets. My cat is an indoor cat but my SIL's 3 year old is always running in and out the door and leaving it open, so I'm sure my cat would get out.
They own a farm and keep really, really long hours. I'm a very light sleeper- wake up to the heat kicking on in our house, train blowing it's horn a few miles away with our windows closed, newspaper delivery guy driving down the road (yes, it's pathetic) and I have a feeling I would be very sleep deprived, lol, with them getting up and moving around. SIL works a very early shift at Target (something like 3-7am) so it seems like someone is always moving around in that house.
I think if we had our own space, like a basement, I might feel better about it and look forward to a chance to maybe get to know SIL better... But I'm not sure if I can hack a single bedroom. I think that's my big thing.
My blog
Married bio
~~~MARRIED BIO~~~
I voted Yes, I have but that I wouldn't do it again. Not because it was bad, but because we're just in a different and much better situation in life right now.
Here's my situation - DH and I had been dating for a year. He was in grad school and living at home, and I had just finished grad school, was underemployed, and living in a really toxic roommate environment 700 miles from my family. One day my roommate and I got into a huge blowout argument that had been brewing for months and DH asked his parents if I could come live there until my lease ran out.
When my lease ran out a few months later, I had found a new, better job, and I started looking for a new apartment. DH's parents came to me and told me I was welcome to stay longer, so I did. DH and I moved out into an apartment together about a year after that.
It worked for us while we were there - we were still in our early 20s, basically still kids. My ILs house is big enough that we had our own private hangout area, but I really did feel self conscious when we had arguments because really how much privacy can you expect under one roof? Also, since we weren't married, we were expected to sleep in separate bedrooms, so there was *that*, but I would expect that even post-marital relations would be awkward under our parents' roof.
I do have to say that it really did allow me to become close with my ILs, but at the same time, sometimes you just want some distance, you know? I think as long as you have a clear exit plan and boundaries, it can work.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAH
::deep breath::
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHA
margaritas in mexico