June 2009 Weddings
Lucy Elizabeth 10.27.12
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Random MM question
If you have kids, are you planning to pay for some/all of your child's college education?
Lucy Elizabeth 10.27.12
Re: Random MM question
I'm hoping to help out with it. My parents didn't help out with my schooling, I had to take out loans for my entire college education (Not that I'm complaining because my parents did buy me my car for college.) But now realizing how much it sucks paying loans back, I'd like to try to help my kids out a bit, so they don't enter the work force with enormous amounts of debt.
Lucy Elizabeth 10.27.12
We'll help with some but definitely not all of it. This is very important to me. We dont plan to buy our kids brand new cars, designer clothes, etc. just because they want something. They will have jobs and earn allowances, etc so they learn to manage money.
Looking at DH's and my experience with this, DH's parents paid for everything, tuition, books, car, and he lived at home or in the fraternity house. He had zero responsibility, worked less than 20 hours per week, took an extra year to graduate after failing classes freshman year, wrecked the car, and came out of the experience with credit card debt. He graduated and got an "internship" working as a bank teller.
I went to school on a full ride scholarship, that I knew I would lose if I didnt keep a 3.0 and keep a job working for the school (I was a campus tour guide). My parents (who couldnt have paid for it all if they wanted to) sent me $100 a month from some savings bonds my dad had put away when I was a little kid. I graduated in 4 years with a double major and triple minor with a full time job offer, zero debt, and a car I had bought myself.
I'm not saying that all of these differences were due to money, there are a lot of other factors, but I do know that DH was not at all independent when I met him and I think a lot of that is due to the fact that his parents did everything for him, including paying for college. His little brother is 26 and is still in college, with his parents still paying for everything, and still living at home. Obviously his parents did something wrong.
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Yep. My parents paid for mine, my mom's parents paid for hers, it's just the way we were raised.
We started the Florida Prepaid College Program for our kids when they were infants. It covers Tuition + Books + other misc. expenses (you can choose what you want to put on the payment plan, such as lodging, food, etc...) For our set-up, it's roughly $150/month per child. If they get scholarships, we will get the money back with interest, so GO Scholarships! haha...You should look into other similar programs or 529s in your states too. It's such an easy and luxurious way to handle college IMO.
^ This what my parents did for me.
When your education is fully funded, it'd be too easy to slack off and not give a shiit.
I work for a University and I hear the comment(s) all the time "I don't care, I'm not paying for it, My parents will just pay the bill, etc." I have the pleasure of dealing with parents yelling at me b/c their student authorized charges and never told their parents.
DITTO! I've worked at various campuses as an advisor, a professor, and a tutor. I hear things like this ALL. THE. TIME. (from the students).
I also have had the pleasure of explaining FERPA to parents, which is interesting... according to FERPA (Federal Educational Rights & Privacy Act), all student information is 100% private. I get a lot of parents wanting to know grades, if their student is going to tutoring, etc. I'm legally not allowed to tell them. When I say that, I hear a lot of "But I'm paying for this! It's my money! I have a right to now!" I usually tell them that they need to ask their child or quit paying the bills.
Does it lock your kids into attending a Florida school? Or would you just get your money back if they go elsewhere?
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Yes, you're right! Our money would be refunded to use towards another school anywhere else if they don't want to go to college in FL.
This program just makes it so darn easy to take care of your child's college education, I am grateful we have it and grateful we can take advantage of it.
I don't understand not helping your child if you are in a position to do so. $150/month is nothing in the grand scheme of things. I would feel like an idiot/failure/loser if I wasn't putting something aside for this purpose. I can see why some of our parents didn't think this way, but times have changed~a college education is a given, a way of life now. It's basically a necessity, IMHO, not a luxury anymore, so yes-I plan on taking care of it for my kids 10,000 percent.
We'll likely do what we can, but it will by no means be a free ride.
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I'm amazed that parents still don't understand FERPA after I explain it to them. My go to question now when parents don't understand is "Is your student over the age of 18?"
I still have parents that will talk for their student. This is one of my biggest pet peeves.
Lucy Elizabeth 10.27.12
I think this is the point a lot of us ARE making -- we're not in the position to do so. My husband and I are pretty much paycheck to paycheck. We can afford little luxuries for ourselves, but pretty much everything is going towards a potential down-payment. And, like Mamie said, retirement and other savings plans. $150/month as an "extra bill" would kill us right now.
That being said, I think this is another good argument as to why DH and I don't have and aren't planning on kids any time soon. The fact is, we'd love to be able to provide as much as possible for them, and right now we know that's just not realistic.
hawki - this is off topic, but what exactly is an "internship" as a bank teller? I am working as a teller right now, and I am just curious.
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I will help pay as much as possible. M's parents paid for his schooling, he got good grades, valued his education, and got done in 4 years. He knew that his parents had expecations that he graduate on time and maintain his grades. If he would have slacked off they would have stopped funding his education. I had to pay my way through and have lots of student loans..it sucks.
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Sorry if that came off the wrong way, SBS! I totally understand the feeling of having an extra bill just kill you. I get what you all are saying. I should have emphasized the I/me part in my post. For me~to be shopping and spending money on make-up and clothes and stuff for the house, with no college funds for the kids-would make me feel like a HUGE jerk. I think my DH and I may be a lot older than you too, so that makes a big difference as well and is just a fact when it comes to earning more etc...
Lucy Elizabeth 10.27.12
Our parents paid for both of our college undergrad degrees, and my family even offered to pay for med school (I decided not to apply). For my family, none of this was easy. I'm the oldest of five children and so far three of us have gone off to college (two private, one state). My parents never drove expensive cars, rarely splurged on themselves, and family vacations usually coincided with my fathers business trips (to subsidize the costs). They made paying for college their #1 priority, regardless of whether that was the smartest or most fiscally responsible choice.
I agree that the "well, my parents are paying for it" stereotype exists for a reason, but it does not apply to all kids. I felt more pressure to do well knowing that it was my parents money (as opposed to a loan). I worked full-time starting my sophomore year to help lessen the burden of going to private college in NYC. Alex worked the last two years for resume experience. Both of my siblings in college now work, as does my teenage sister in private high school (all paid for by my parents). We feel compelled to do our part academically and financially as much as possible as a way of showing gratitude.
This all goes back to an argument I have over and over again with various friends (usually in relation to the fact I want to stay in NYC and raise kids-- I get a lot of flack). It does not matter where you raise kids, it matters how you raise kids. There are spoiled brats in NYC who take advantage of their parents, and their are the same spoiled brats in NH. There are many ways of teaching children responsibility, commitment and hard work and I don't believe that either DH or I lack any of the above because our parents paid our way through college.
So, come hell or high water, we will be paying for college-- even if it means we're still working at 75 years old (like my father).
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If we pay for our child's education, this will absolutely be a stipulation. SBS and MrsE could have easily taught at the college I went to based on the stories of "just send the bill to Mommy and Daddy, I'm late for the party." I'm also watching BIL and his wife go through this because after graduating once, then going back for a different major, she is finally dropping out because she can't figure out what she wants to do. Last I heard she is also quitting her steady job (that she got with Mommy's help) to babysit her cousin's kid because the school job didn't offer any advancement.
duplicate post
hehe.
chrissy said c-u-m.
Lucy Elizabeth 10.27.12
I feel like I should qualify my response... I will help if I can, I dont wan them to have to do the whole thing by themselves, but I also see nothing wrong with public colleges (of course I want them to go to a school that is high ranking in what they want to do but it doesnt have to be a private school that costs $30k a year). The only reason I went to an out of state school is because of the scholarship, otherwise I would have gone to Iowa because tuition was about $8k a year. Obviously, I dont want my kids to get out of school with $80k of debt, but I'm not going to pay that $80k either. They can make smarter choices of where to enroll. I do think we will start 529 plans for our kids eventually but only if we can do them without locking them into a certain state because I want them to have the flexibility to go whereever they want and I know I want put enough in the 529 funds to fund college completely because I don't want to pay 100%. I want the kids to take some ownership in their education.
Kaley -- basically they called it an internship, he was essentially a part time teller. I mean no offense when I say this - but his being a bank teller was the worst thing he could do for his career. We've found that a lot of companies looked at it as a "student job" and didnt count it as real experience so it meant nothing on his resume. I think if he would have wanted to stay in banking that would have been a completely different story, but he did it for 4 years and hated every minute of it. Now he is in sales and a management trainee position but at 25 he basically had to take a 22 year old's job meant for someone just out of college to get where he is now.
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We will pay for as much as we can when it comes to college. However, it will not be at the expense of retirement savings or our other financial goals. There are loans for college, but not for living expenses or retirement. We hope to be in a stable enough situation where we can pay for undergrad expenses.
My parents fully intended to cover all college costs. I had to take out some loans to make this happen, but my parents were paying the loans back. When we got married, we decided we would like to pay the rest of them off since we are in a stable situation and honestly better off than my parents.
DH has loans for his whole undergrad. Of our remaining loans, 75% are his. I have under 10K left on mine. It is a bit of a burden, and I do not want him going to further grad school until we pay off his undergrad loans.