Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Painful & Worried
Help. I have been married for almost two years now. I figured sex was supposed to be somewhat painful at first (we were virgins), so I never questioned it when it took a while to penetrate or that I was so tight. It is not so much PAIN as it pressure, confusion and downright not feeling GOOD.
Now two years later we found that when I am on top it is a little better, but not much. Many times I end up in tears. I try to hide my emotions now because when my husband sees that he hurts me he shuts down sexually- he doesn't want to make me feel that way. This has lead to a negative cycle of: sex - pain- being upset- no more initiation of sex. Going to see the doctor is on my to-do list. But I am wondering if anyone else has experienced this?
Re: Painful & Worried
It's been like this for 2 years and you have yet to see a doctor? Why would you not mention this during one of your yearly paps?
I don't see how it can be that bad if you've let it go on for so long.
This. Make sure you take lots of time, lots of foreplay so you're really ready to go, and use lots of lube. And if that doesn't help, see your doctor!
I agree with posters who said have it more often - just keep it gentle.
I have endometriosis but it's never caused me pain with sex, just awful hellish periods. Thank God for birth control!
Also, and this is crazy - but I had a week or two where sex was absolutely painful. It burned, it felt like everything was too tight, etc. Well, I found out I am ridiculously allergic to any sort of "warming" lube. Any chance you are using something you could be allergic to?
Mostly, though, go see your gyno. Asap.
This. Why are you only going to see a doctor 2 years into the problem!?
actually, yes, i've been having this EXACT problem since getting married. i didn't have any problems before marriage, but once i got married it was really painful. at first i thought it was just because i hadn't been sexually active for about the year prior to our wedding, so it was just taking time for my body to getting used to have sex regularly again, but it hasn't been getting better and it's been about 6 months now. like the other poster's have said, lube helps, true. but when something is really wrong it doesn't help enough. it makes things easier, but for me, there is something else going on and it isn't helping enough and sex is still incredibly painful no matter how relaxed I am and no matter how much lube we use.
i went to the dr a few weeks ago and she ran some tests, but of course i was on my period too (figured it would start IMMEDIATELY once i made the appt) so she could only run a few tests and couldn't get any good visual indications of what could be going on . I actually have another appointment today for more testing. but basically she said for someone my age (mid 20s) it is NOT normal to have pain during sex. You NEED to go see a dr, because it's not going to get better until you do.
If it is just "normal" you were a virgin and your body wasn't used to it pain, there actually are physical therapy classes for women with smaller vaginas to teach/ease them into a more comfortable sex life and your ob/gyn can also refer you to one of those as well.
so i got back from the dr and you NEED to go. it was something that they were able to diagnose, but in my case it was something far more serious than "using lube and relaxing".
seriously, go to your ob/gyn, for your health, your happiness and your marriage!
Sex w/my guy was painful at first. I hadn't been active for a while and it took time, some good lube, and LOTS of understanding on his part. We cooled off on sex after we got engaged (his parents and priest got into his head, ARGHHH). After the wedding he's bedded me on a regular basis just like any good Catholic boy should.
Our wedding night was almost a disaster. We'd gone without for nearly a year and I thought I was going to split in half.
We started paying more attention to foreplay. Several other suggestions have been mentioned (lube, foreplay, etc.). ABSOLUTELY see your Dr. Also it helps if I start out on top. That way I control the angle and depth. Once I'm rolling, it's game on.