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Help me talk through this...What would you do?
I'm in a dilemma and I don't know what to do. I foresee this being a lengthy post so grab some coffee before diving in.
Relevant info: The daycare we had decided to go with was supposed to have a spot for us in July but we got bumped an entire year back b/c current mothers got pregnant again and they got our spot. A girl that I know (she's more of an aquaintenance) has offered to watch Norah so that she doesn't have to go back to work and put her own son in daycare (he's 10mo old). My job has told me that I can bring Norah to work with me.
Obviously being able to bring Norah to work with me would be great. I could spend time with her all day, continue to breastfeed and we'd save an assload of money each month. The cons to this is that while it would be fine right now, what happens when she becomes more mobile? I feel that we will reach a point where it's not going to be fair to her but I'm not sure when that point will be. When she's 6mo? 8mo? A year?
The situation with the girl that I know sounded great at first. And it still has potential to be great. We're still trying to come to an agreement about the money but the biggest con here is that she needs to start watching Norah sooner rather than later. So asking her to start in September isn't really fair to her. But that would save us quite a bit of moolah for me to bring Norah to work with me for the first couple months. Plus we won't be able to claim her on our taxes next year. The other con that arose the other day is I found out that she's willing to come to my house but she's going to charge me more because of the gas she'll spend to drive here. The cost will be less if I bring Norah to her but she lives in the opposite direction of where I work so I won't come out ahead (financially) from the additional time it's going to add to my commute to bring and pick up Norah everyday.
The bottom line is that I don't want anyone else to watch Norah. I love breastfeeding her and I really don't want to give that up (I'm afraid my supply will drop if I have to exclusively pump). Plus I am starting to have a LOT of anxiety about leaving her with someone else. Sometimes she gets gassy and screams and I'm petrified at the thought of someone else getting frustrated with her and, God forbid, shaking her.
Quitting my job is not an option. Not only do I carry all of our health insurance but I make more than my husband and there's no way we could afford to live without my salary. When I first got pregnant, my bosses offered me the chance to drop down to part time. At the time, it wasn't an option because we were saving up for my maternity leave. But now I'm starting to think harder about it. I'd need to figure out how much of my salary we could afford to lose plus I need to inquire how many hours I'd have to keep in order to keep our insurance.
Here's the options that I have thought of:
A) Bring Norah to work with me for as long as I can then put her in daycare when she gets too mobile.
Hire the girl to start in June because in the long run, it's better than putting her in daycare regardless of the cost.
C) Bring Norah to work with me through the summer and then when she starts getting more mobile, drop my hours. My husband normally has 2 days off during the week so she'd only need to come with me 3 days a week.
How feasible is option C? Will she be truly miserable having to come to work with me a few days a week for a few hours? I figure if I drop down to 32 hours a week I can work full days on the days my husband has her and then work until 2 or 3 on the other 3 days. Am I dilusional to think that at 8 or 9 months she'll be ok to bring to an office setting for 5 hours a day?
Is there another option that I'm not seeing? Do I need to suck it up and hire the girl; paying her whatever the heck she wants to come to my house? I am at a loss and just don't know what to do.
Re: Help me talk through this...What would you do?
First off, I am already having anxiety about bringing Nolan to daycare, and I don't even have to do that until August. If I could be a SAHM, I totally would. I love spending so much time with Nolan, and I absolutely love breastfeeding. I can't imagine trying to figure out all of the daycare stuff now, Norah is still so little, that has to be hard.
Here's my take on it. I would take Norah to work with you until September, and then hire the girl to watch Norah, and pay for her gas or whatever. Norah will have the benefit of being at home, and you'll have the benefit of knowing that she is in an environment that she is comfortable in. I say this because I have worked with lot of babies, and they do get restless. I think it would start getting really hard to have her at work once she learns how to crawl. She will be wanting to go everywhere, and you won't really be able to let her do that.
Of course, if you could get away with working PT and keeping your benefits, that would be great. That way you guys still get to spend a lot of time together, and you'd have to pump, but you would still get to BF too.
That's a lot to think about, I'm not sure if I helped at all.
We will need to do play dates eventually with these two. Norah and Nolan - how cute is that?!
I completely understand where you're coming from about not wanting to leave her. I hate leaving Elise with family or friends even for a little while, I just miss her when I'm not with her.
I think it would be possible for you to consider bringing her to work with you. Here are some questions. How quiet of a place is your work? Do you have a private office? Do you take calls a lot where you would need quiet in the background? If it wouldn't matter if she's making normal baby noises in your office and you maybe have a little area where you could set her up a play spot, then I think it could totally work. She'd be used to it from the get-go.
Most places require you to work about 30 hours per week to carry health insurance, but check with yours because that would be a great option if you could swing working part time. Sometimes it means cutting back on the "fun" stuff....but honestly what is more "fun" than spending time with your kiddo??
first off, Hi! I know I'm not around here anymore, but I felt that I could share my story with you and maybe it'll help you out or just make you feel better.
I went back work when Cole was 8 weeks old, but only 4 days a week. From the day he was born I knew that it was coming, but I was never totally prepared for it. I don't think you can be. It's instinct to not want to leave this baby of yours. Anyway, I only worked 5 minutes down the road, my neighbor & my mom watched him and I came home everyday for lunch. I cried everytime I left him for nearly a month. It became less and less, but still I cried. Finally one day I realized that he was in good hands and I knew deep down it was good for him to have that chance to interact with someone other than myself & my husband on a daily basis. He learned that it was okay to not be with us 24 hours a day. It's only natural that we are going to worry and fret over every little thing when it comes to our babies. Eventually leaving Cole every morning was just another part of our daily routine. I learned to enjoy the time I was at work. It gave me chance to have some adult conversation/interaction and to just take a breath. However, the instant I got home I was all Cole's. We made up for the time I was at work. With Cate it was much easier to go back to work. I'm only gone 3-4 hours for 3 days a week, but I LOVE it now. It gives us all a little break from each other. It's hard to believe, but one day you'll want to have some time away and you'll enjoy it like crazy.
In all honesty you & Mr. Shoe have to do what is best for the three of you and your situation. Just sit down and really think through it. Not only does it have to work out for your financially, but also emotionally. These are precious little creatures that we have to trust to someone else for a little while ... that's huge. Our set-up worked for us, but it's not for everyone. You just have to leave Norah with someone that you trust 110% and won't mind you calling during the day to check-in. Taking her to work with you would be awesome, but what happens when she hits 9 or 12 months old and all of the sudden isn't with you every day, all day anymore? Plus when they start moving they like to move and explore like crazy. I don't know how well that would work in an office environment. Maybe taking her with you just one day and then leaving her with a sitter/daycare/Mr. Shoe the others would work. I think it's best to start adjusting them to the way it's going to ultimately be sooner rather than later. I've learned my lesson with that the hard way and it can be very hard to break the habits of babies. It may also be harder on you the longer you wait.
You've gotten some GREAT advice. I don't know that I would bring my baby to work with me on a regular basis once they are mobile, but definitely while they are itty bitty. It's not really fair to them since they will want to be in EVERYTHING and I don't think an office can be baby proofed too easily.
Child care is such a personal decision based on so many variables. Like others said you need to do what's best for you and your family. Does the nanny require a full 40 hours a week? Do you have to pay her for vacation? What about holidays you are off do you have to pay her? These are all factors to consider.
I don't think this is an option. She needs to start working before Sept so if I want her, I need to hire her now.
I know!
We only have 4 people in the office so it's kind of quiet. I do have a private office and I would make room to bring stuff for her if needed. I could really care less about the "fun" stuff right now. I am seriously considering selling my house and moving just so I don't have to send my baby to daycare!
Option Bear:
Take her to work with you for as long as you can to be with her all day. Keep in mind, crying and the smell of poopy is inevitable. You will have to consider your co-irkers, even though they suck.
Once you feel she needs more room than a pack-and-play, I will pick her up in the afternoons and watch her in your house until either you and Mr. Shoe gets home.. and the kicker.. have dinner done and house cleaned so you two can spend your time with Norah instead of that bull. Plus, I'll undercut any price you get from this acquaintance by a sh!t-ton. Ha!
Seriously, though. Think about it. I'm not the Jenn appointed honorary Godfather for nothin', yo!
P.S. I still need to drop Norah's present off. You home today??
Thanks, MrsD.
I have no reason not to trust this girl with Norah but I keep thinking that she will have her son with her and Norah won't be her first priority. I know that doesn't mean she won't be a good care provider for her but it bothers me. I realize how irrational that sounds; sometimes I think I am losing it. Anyway, I have thought of it being harder on all of us the longer we wait. But at the same time the thought of putting her in someone else's care while she is so little makes me need to breathe rapidly into a brown paper bag.
The girl has made it clear that she needs a minimum amount each week to make things work on her end. Which I completely understand. So I'd have to pay her the same amount regardless of whether she worked 5 days a week or 3 days a week.
I should be. I need to run out really quick but I might just wait until tomorrow. Just call me.
And I will think about it.
I hear ya, you do what you have to do! We make do with way less "nice" stuff so Elise isn't in daycare. I feel bad for my poor DH because he drives a craptastic truck, where if I worked we could afford to buy him a newer one. But we bought the van as the "family" car so he really only uses his truck to go to and from work. And he's willing to make the sacrifice for Elise. And we RARELY buy new clothes or "toys" for ourselves. Which is an adjustment. I used to be one of those people whose closet was full of stuff from Dillards and The Limited....now I shop at Wal-Mart and Target when I need something new!
You're not loosing it. It's all totally normal as I'm sure all of the old pro moms on here will tell you! I thought about the same thing when I left Cole with my neighbor b/c she has a son that was 2 & 3 while she kept Cole. She was great with him though ... plus she already had experience so I knew she wouldn't freak out if something happened. And just think, Norah would have another baby to play with and help keep her entertained. I hope everything works out and you & Mr. Shoe decide on something you are all comfortable with. Babies are the biggest pleasures in life, but also the biggest stresser.
I guess the biggest issue with hiring this girl is that she needs to make a steady income. If she were just a SAHM looking to make extra cash here and there it wouldn't be a problem. But I completely understand that she needs to provide for her family and can't just take care of Norah whenever we need her.
I crunched some numbers today and am going to talk to MrShoe when he gets home tonight. I know it'll work out in the end; I'm just stressed and really worried about it all.
It really is such personal decision. I think there are lots of right answers. And whatever you end up with will likely work great for you and your family. Even if things turn out less than ideal, you can always make changes any way any time. That's your right as the mommy!
Mrs.D makes an excellent point -- start as you mean to go on. She'll adjust to anything right now in a day or two. In just a couple of months, she's going to start understanding the world and having certain expectations. She may not be able to express it, but she'll know.
Try not to worry more than you have to. You will make the right decision! You are tuned into your baby and her needs, so you'll know very quickly if she's thriving and you are at ease. I say take a couple of steps back from the whole situation, then just go with your mommy instincts.
This is legal advice. Circa 2011