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WWA08 Do? (Not BR) Long
I have this good friend, B that I used to work with. He got laid off last year and had been having trouble finding a job. The agency I now work for approached me last year to come back to work for them as a supervisor. I turned them down (because I wasn't ready to leave my job) and suggested they meet B. I talked him up (He's a great social worker and a great supervisor) and he was hired by the agency. When I decided I was ready to leave my job, I went to work for my current agency, partly because B would be my supervisor.
Well, B and I are pretty good friends and have a good time together at work and get along very well. I feel like if I have a problem I can tell him and vice versa. We also socialize outside of work. I'm friends with his partner J, so we will all get together for happy hour and such. Well two weeks ago, they RSVP'd for a Passion Party I was having, and then at the last minute J came up with some excuse as to why they couldn't go. On Monday at work I talked to B about it and he said J was uncomfortable going. I said I would have just liked honesty if he didn't feel comfortable and they shouldn't have RSVP'd if they didn't intend to go, because I bought food, alcohol, etc. I thought everything was fine after that conversation, but the rest of the week B was distant with me. I was too busy to ask him if we were okay.
Well on Saturday, we conducted a training at our office for potential adoptive parents. After the training, I met with one of the family's I was working with to go over a few things. B asked me to follow up with another social worker about a potential match and jokingly I said "Your the matching guru, why don't you?" I added a smile and a little chuckle. He glared at me and stormed out of the area I was in. I continued on talking to my clients and could hear him in the next work area (there are not full walls between the work areas) talking to the agency adoption coordinator (our boss) about me. It was obvious he was talking about me. I could hear it. My clients could hear it and I could tell it was making them uncomfortable. They then took it to another part of the office where I couldn't hear them, but I could tell that's what was going on. My clients left and I was getting ready to leave when B and the adoption coordinator K asked to talk to me. B said he didn't appreciate what I said about being the matching guru and if he gave me a directive I was to do it. I appologized and said I didn't appreciate him talking about me and embarassing me in front of my clients. He told me I was avoiding the topic and raised his voice at me. I told him I was sorry again and what more did he want me to say? Then K launched into following agency rules and brought up issues of taking flex time (I had made a miscaluclation on my flex time last week and I think B was telling K I was trying to steal extra time). At this point I lost it and started sobbing. I told them it wasn't related to the convo (I think it is PG hormones, lol) but I felt like I was being ambushed. I also heard B make a comment about not liking to be told things, he needed to be asked. Again, I think he was referring to me. So anyways, I refused to even look at B during the conversation because I was so hurt.
So my questions are: 1) I think that as my friend, B should have just come and talked to me about an issue he has with me and not gone to our boss. If if wasn't resolved, then go to our boss. 2) I'm pretty much done with our friendship. Is it worth salvaging? I am so hurt by the fact that he would slam me in the next area when my client's could hear everything he was saying and that he wouldn't come and talk to me about a problem. Am I wrong to feel that way? 3) If I do decide our friendship is over, should I tell him why it's over? I'm not sure how things will be when I go back to work tomorrow. We are also part of a larger circle of friends, so I will have to see him in social situations. I'm also friends with his husband and don't want to lose that. I'm just so hurt that he would do this to me after all I've done for him and that he would emabarass me like that. WWA08 Do? And a cookie if you made it through this!
Re: WWA08 Do? (Not BR) Long
I am not really sure what to say because B sounds pretty immature. Maybe try to let it blow over a little bit. It's a tough one Alicia. I think it's pretty stupid of him to bring this drama into work.
sounds like MPMS to me. hardcore style. I would probably avoid him and become distant and overly professional with him at work and in social situations. I tend to wonder if they got in a fight over the passion party and he was then pissed at you for initiating that fight or they had a fight that day and now he associates that with your fault (which is completely dumb btw).
Since you've never had problems in the past, I agree that it's stupid that he went directly crying to his boss about you, he should've just taken you aside later and said what he needed to, he didn't need to take it to that level at all.
So I would distance myself from him personally and professionally, it sucks but he's the one who brought the drama into workplace which is stupid so it's best to just be polite and ignore any personal jabs he has at you.
wow, that sucks. i don't know if i would write him off totally yet, he is still your supervisor and don't want to make things worse for yourself.
to be honest, i would either talk to him about it or i would keep to myself for a couple of days, then try to get things back to normal, as if this didn't happen. since this was the first time something like this happened, i might let it blow over. but if it happened again, i would definitely say something.
I agree that I wouldn't totally write him off. I would get together with him outside of work to talk about what is going on. Like Zilla said, he may be having problems at home that you don't know about. (Not that that makes it ok). If y'all can just get to the bottom of this situation, things might be able to go back to normal. I don't get the feeling, though, that he would get over this without talking about it.
I would try to talk to him. Is there a private place in your office that you can talk? I would send him an email and ask for a meeting. Focus on work only. You may want to write down a few things that you want to say so you don't lose focus. You may want to start with, "Is there something that I can do in the future so that we don't have a misunderstanding like the one we had the other day?" Don't blame him for anything. His response may give you an idea of where his head is. Then at the end of the meeting tell him that you'd like to talk to him about your friendship outside the office at lunch or after work. See how he feels about talking more.
~~~MARRIED BIO~~~