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Sex boring?
Well, sorry to start another thread . . . . I hear that's kind of frowned upon if done with alot of frequency. I've pretty thoroughly perused the threads in this category and I can't help but notice that there's a hugely outstanding theme that people aren't having frequent or high quality sex. I've been married for 2 years now. My husband and I were virgins until our wedding night (old fashioned. . . I know). So we've only been sexually active with partners (eachother) for 2 years now. We're at the point where we only have sex maybe 2-3 times a month and I feel like even that is slipping downward (no pun intended). So it's comforting but also somewhat discouraging to see that so many people have the same issue. I'm just so disappointed that we both waited so long to really explore sexuality and it's already starting to become stagnant. We're both relatively healthy and fit people. We're definitely best friends and we're extremely open with eachother. I don't think we have a particular lack of quality time. We have stressful circumstances from time to time but nothing that's terribly outstanding. We are constantly enjoying eachother's company and making eachother laugh. Neither of us really had an experimental stage during college or anything.
I'm still extremely excited about the idea of exploring sexuality. I just don't really know what to do from here or really just HOW experimental we could be without jeopardizing our relationship. And to reiterate, I feel extremely confident about our marriage and relationship. I can say with alot of confidence that I'll be growing old with him. I think we've worked through enough in our admittedly short time together for me to be confident in our strength and dedication towards eachother, but I find myself wanting more diversity in our sexual experiences.
I'm not sure if I'm asking a question or just throwing out the topic in hopes of feedback or encouragement based on similar experiences.
Re: Sex boring?
I think it's time for the following-
- threesomes.
- using pineapples and frozen oranges as a sex toys.
- swinging.
- serious S&M action.
- Lots and lots of porn.
First off, I think part of making the choice to wait until marriage to give up your virginity is accepting that that will effectively neuter how much you can 'experiment' sexually. The hard truth is that you're simply never going to have the same sexual experiences as someone who made other, less restrictive choices with their sexuality. Measuring yourself with the same stick is futile and pointless.
As far as HOW experimental you can be-- at this point if you're only having sex a few times a month and even that's slipping, your focus should be on just getting your sex life and frequency back up to par. Beyond that, this advice is cliche but it's effective- go to a book store and get a book on spicing up your sex life with ideas, etc and put them into practice. Go to an adult store and pick out some toys to use in the bedroom. I think as long as you keep all the play and experimentation strictly between you and your H, you won't be jeopardizing anything. If you find you don't like something, don't do it again, but nothing ventured nothing gained. Sex is not something to be afraid of.
Are you serious???
Snail's right, it's time to bring someone into the bedroom to help you 'explore' your sexuality. I know an escort named Bambi who would just love to help you guys out!
My H LURVES the pineapples and frozen oranges. He was skeptical at first, but he now loves them. And the oranges MUST be frozen! Fresh ones just aren't as good.
ok now i'm very curious. how does oranges and pineapples work in the bedroom??!!
It's just something you have to figure out for yourself. But trust me, honey, it is FANTASTIC!
LOTS of lube!!
H says that lube is for wimps!
You are right- lube is for wimps, but I feel like lube is appropriate at the first time you use a frozen orange or a pineapple. You don't want to end up in the ER for internal stitches- how embarrassing would that be?!
True good point. I guess that is why we kept getting funny looks from the doctors and nurses in the ER? OOPS!
Come to TiP not only will they school you on the proper use of pineapples and frozen oranges, if you're lucky, they might even introduce you to Meriwether Lewis.
Wait, you're "traditional" so you didn't have sex before marriage, but now that you're married you're considering a threesome?
I don't think Jesus would like this one bit.
WAIT.. WAIT.
I just scrolled down and read your threesome post.
All I can say now IS L O FVCKING L. You saved yourself for marriage and were all chaste and virginal, and NOW you want to have unmarried sex with a third party? The only reason to not test drive the car before buying it is for religious reasons, and I'm pretty sure whatever religious convictions that dictate that your hymen is the most precious gift to give to your husband also dictates that threesomes and swinging isn't kosher.
For the love of all that is holy- no. Just no. Don't even think about involving other people into your sex life, you don't have enough common sense to make it work with just the two of you as it is. And for the love of god, I hope when you two are having sex you're using some damn good birth control.
Are you serious???
No, no, Nikki, she's MARRIED so she's allowed to have sex with whoever she wants! See, because she's MARRIED!!
A post saturated with assumptions. Thank you for clarifying before you generated radical conclusions and resorted to playground insults. Sexual taboos, motivations, and deterents can originate from a full spectrum of social, medical, communal, legal, psychological, disciplinary, and relational (etc) sources which exist autonomously from religion. Being virginal and chaste had nothing to do with it, but thank you for your failed attempt at arbiting the supposed religious mandates which pertain to my hymen. I asked an honest question about other peoples' sexual experience. I did not ask for a lesson.
If YOU, however, would like a lesson in philosophical ethics and/or basic human communication, I'd be more than happy to set up a time for you.
I must have forgotten that part in my catechism! So now sex is a free-for-all?! Dude! I'll have to tell my DH! He'll be thrilled with this little pass to sexual hedonism!
A dime says the 3some idea is her H's idea.
HAHA!
She never once said that she wanted to have sex with a third party, another poster did. My goodness, why is everyone jumping down her throat?
As for the OP, just try and spice things up in the bedroom. Buy some sexy lingerie and a few toys. Get a few books on exactly how to do it and try some new positions with your DH.
EDIT: Ok, my bad. Just read her other board. You girls are right. =P
You are welcome!!!
Internet + anonymity is your chocolate cake I see.
Nah- I'm like this IRL too.
A chocolate cake lover?
. . . . j/k
Well first off, I don't really assign ethical value to the whole "virgin or not" thing. I'm a relativist through and through. Our situation was just a little bit different and I don't regret it but I don't think that people who go about sex differently are violating some universal moral code or anything like that. That being said, I find myself feeling incredibly adventurous sexually. I'll openly admit that I had certain presuppositions about marriage which have been subject to redefinition, but I think that's entirely normal. I think for me the prognosis right now is to try and develop greater levels of confidence and openess. Religious or not, our culture places so many conversational taboos on sexuality and the expression of sexual desire and I think that's one of the frustrations. It's not always just a frustration that my desire hasn't been fulfilled, it's a frustration that our culture has made certain things uncomfortable to express. I don't think it's incredibly normal for couples to turn to eachother and say something as straightforward as, "I really want to have an orgasm right now. You interested?" lol.
Keep the third party out of the bedroom.
Have sex in your car, garage, retail bathroom, outside in the grass.
I'm telling you in all seriousness. Just spice it up. Wear a skirt and blow him in the backyard, and then "sit and cuddle" outside. Do not move into the bedroom. Stay outside.
Haha I say stuff like that to my fiance. After a while he was like.. that's not very romantic. Haha, I think I have a higher sex drive than he does.
For me my problem isn't feeling constrained by societal pressures rather feeling pressured to have sex often or I'm a bad wife/fiance. There's so much sex in the media I start to feel like there's something wrong with us if one of us isn't in the mood. Then I start worrying so much about having to have sex a certain amount of times a week that I'm so stressed out I can't relax enough get in the mood. Whew, it's exhausting.
Oh and I was kidding about the slut thing, no regrets. I could never be a virgin till marriage but more power to you girl!