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Workaholic?
I'm not sure how to take this situation, so I decided to post it here.
I recently had a serious surgery exactly 4 months after I gave birth (via c-section) to my son. I now have a fantastic 8 inch wound stapled shut down my abdomen. Before I was discharged from the hospital, I was told I could not pick up my son for a while, since he weighed more than the 10 lbs restriction.
My DH took the day off and got a family member to watch my son so he could be there for me during and just after my surgery. But since coming home, my DH has been acting strange. Here's the issue. He's been complaining about what bad cards *he* has been dealt. Having to watch his son 24/7, get up in the middle of the night to feed, change, and console our son. "It's been difficult." I'm not disagreeing with him. It IS difficult. I've done it alone for the last 4 months and would have kept doing it if it wasn't for this emergency surgery.
So, my next doctor's appointment is in a few days. I has asked if he could stay home from work and take care of our son since I can't pick my son up until my doctor's appointment (at the very least). It took several hours of yelling and crying, but he agreed to one of the two days, saying I need to figure out what to do for the second day. He starts complaining about how he could lose his job because he ran out of FMLA days when he was out for our son's birth. However, he has so many sick and vacation days that he could take off work for 6 months! I even know that his boss encouraged him to stay home with me until I got better.
Maybe it's the hormones or other frustrations, but am I wrong in thinking my husband is a workaholic?
Re: Workaholic?
Well maybe workaholic, but he needs to realize that children are not just the wife's job/responsibility. You had surgery for god's sake! I think your DH is being a jerk and needs a kick in the a***.
Edit- after reading Dbert's post below- I agree he probably is really stressed taking care of the baby and you- that would be exhausting. Do you guys have any one to help you?
that said, I still think he's being a jerk about taking the day off so you can go to the Dr.
He is probably just really stressed and sleep deprived, I would cut him some slack. He has to juggle work and taking care of you and the baby, emotions run really high with a new baby and I can't imagine dealing with a surgery of a loved one on top of that. Do you have any family that can come down?
About 10 weeks after I had my daughter via c-section, I was involved in a serious accident and was unable to walk or pretty much move or drive. My mom came for a full week because DH had just taken 3 weeks for the birth of our daughter, he only stayed with me 1 day after my accident. If your DH is like mine, he stresses about work, making a good impression, not taking advantage of sick time, etc. I am sure your DH is just dealing with all that in his own way, so I would say no, he is not a workaholic.
ETA: If you haven't had kids or been up all night with them it's hard to understand this post. I also was the ONLY one that got up with DD every night, it does suck.
I'm confused about the following:
"He starts complaining about how he could lose his job because he ran out of FMLA days when he was out for our son's birth. "
FMLA typically lasts 12 weeks. He didn't go back to work for 12 weeks after your son was born, yet it was only you getting up with your son at night during those 12 weeks?
I agree that sleep deprivation sucks and makes you say and do crazy things. Getting up with an infant night after night and only managing a few hours of sleep yourself is incredibly difficult. However, I think you and your DH need to sit down and have one of those serious, "Come to Jesus" talks about this whole situation. The bottom line is that you've had what sounds like major surgery, and you need help caring for your son. He's a husband and a father -- I'm sorry if he feels the hand he's being dealt right now sucks. But that's the hand he's got, and he should play it to the best of his ability and quit whining about it IMO.
Catching up on sports news...
Bottom line: I think your DH is being a baby and using work as an excuse. He needs to suck it up.
In the interest of being constructive, have you expressed gratitude for the things he has done to pick up the slack? Maybe he is feeling under appreciated? Are there things you can do (pay bills, grocery shop online) that might help lessen the list of things he has to do? I agree with Murph that it's probably time to have a heart to heart with him about his attitude. These are the kind of situations where "for better or worse" comes in play- it's not for "for better or make you feel guilty for the worse".