June 2009 Weddings
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Sad Vent

Yesterday I called in sick to work.  I was achy, tired, and whiny.  My feet were swollen so it hurt to wear shoes 2 sizes larger than normal and I am breaking out in hives that I can't take anything for until after the baby is born in 9 weeks.  Commence pity party for one.

Today I come in and learn that my coworker who was about 20 weeks along went in for her big u/s and found out that the baby is dead.  I am at a loss.  I cannot imagine the helll she is going through.  They are inducing her because at this stage, she has to deliver.  When our manager made the announcement she said how devastated my coworker is, she said my coworker was most worried about me and one of the other girls on our team (also pg). 

So most of my coworkers have been coming up to me and checking up on me, making sure I'm ok.  I know they mean well but I just want to scream that I'm the lucky one and I'm not the one they should be consoling.  Basically I've spent most of the morning crying because I'm a pregnant emotional wreck and my friend is going through one of the most difficult things I can imagine and I can't say or do anything to help.

I need quit feeling sorry for myself because I can't wear the shoes I want and get to a place where I can help support her.  She's been so great at helping me through my experience, I really want to do something for her.  Any suggestions? 

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Re: Sad Vent

  • Girl, that sucks.  In a million different ways.  Sucks for her, sucks for you, bad times.  Seriously.

    Having never been in that position, I'm not sure what to say.  I know when my grandmother died (not the same at all, but still) it meant the most to me to get calls from my friends.  Even when I didn't feel like answering the phone, they left nice and supportive messages, which I saved and still listen to Embarrassed.  You have to treat this like what it is, a loss.  Bring her dinner, offer to run errands for her, be there and let her talk about it.

  • That is such a terrible situation, I'm sure your heart is just breaking for your friend. Maybe hold off on doing anything major for her for a little while. She might be very overwhelmed with friends and family wanting to help. A card/note to say you're thinking about her and are available if she wants to talk would be my pick for now. In our area, we always do food though, so maybe a card + a pound cake? I suck at advice for this.
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  • How sad. I'm sorry for your coworker.. and you.  :( 
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    Lucy Elizabeth 10.27.12
  • Wow... that just made me cry - I'm so sorry.  I can't imagine finding out something like that when you are supposed to be going in for a routine u/s and getting good news.  That's just absolutely devastating. 
  • That is such horrible and devastating news. I can't even imagine how hard this time is for her. I'm also sorry you're going through what you're going through. I'm dealing with some crazy discomfort/contractions too, and it sucks. So I also think you shouldn't feel bad for your own situation. That said, if it were me who were dealing with that loss, I wouldn't be in a place to want to really talk to anyone outside of DH and family, but I would love to feel supported by getting flowers or a card or voicemail or an email. I imagine it would be particularly difficult to hear from someone pregnant, especially so soon after the loss. Your co-worker may be different, but I think the most important thing is to let her know you're there for her if she needs to talk or needs anything at all.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Thanks everyone.  It is definitely a wake-up call to how fortunate DH and I are to even be this far into the pregnancy with only minor discomforts. 

    She is taking a little over a week off of work so I probably won't try to contact her until she returns.  After talking with a few people on the team, I think we are going to go in on some gift cards to restaurants near her house.  She is not a flower person at all and I think seeing them would only be a reminder of what has just happened.  There is an ice cream shop near her house that she loves to walk to with her son so we're thinking the gift cards will give her the ability to take a break and not worry about dinner, etc.

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