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Frustrated
I'm getting very annoyed with something that seems to be becoming a pattern with J's family. They plan weekends with extended family . . . and then don't invite us. For example, I just found out via facebook that J's cousin, wife, and little boy are going to visit them this weekend. I always find out about it a few days before or a few days after via facebook or my MIL's blog.
I was trying to convince myself that it's probably their perception that we're farther away than we actually are, but J's cousin lives basically the exact same distance away so that can't be it.
I don't get it. Is it because we're not religious like them? If so, I'm deeply hurt by this and offended. While we're not religious, we're both very conscious and moral people. It's not like we're so
The other possibility is J is kind of in an unspoken stand-off with his parents regarding visiting. He'll come home for a reason (birthdays, holidays, family gatherings) but he won't casually visit for a weekend until they start making an effort to visit us. He's mentioned to his parents that it hurts him they don't make an effort and they agree they should . . . but then don't follow through. I think his parents still aren't used to having an adult child who lives away from home, but it hurts J because my parents visit us all the time and they live twice the distance.
J doesn't usually mind not being invited, but this cousin was one our groomsmen so I think he'll be irked. We'll talk about it after work (he doesn't have facebook access at work).
Arrrrrrrrg.
Re: Frustrated
Maybe the cousin and fam contacted them to come visit...they have a kid too and old people like kids...
I wouldn't hold a grudge especially if J already said he won't go to them for casual visits unless they come to him.
Try visiting them and in that visit try to get them to commit to a visit to you guys a month later...for some sort of festival/event that they would like to attend.
TTC #1 13 cycles, CP 6/09, TTC #2 1 cycle
CDing, EP'd for 13 months for #1, BFing for #2
Pregnancy Hypertension - inductions at 39w, I grow big babies: DD was 9 pounds 1 ounce 22 inches, DS was 11 pounds even 22 inches - both vaginal deliveries
We've tried this. The last time we saw them, we tried to get them to commit to come down for the day after church (which is only about an hour from us). We planned an activity that they could (they can't walk around much) and an inexpensive place to eat but they won't pin down a date. So it never happened and I doubt it will. No matter how many times we bring it up, it's "Oh yeah, that's a great idea. Let me get back to you." Suggesting dates doesn't work because they "don't know what's going on that weekend yet".
And this is exactly the kind of thing we would visit for and I think they know that. We've purposely made the trip before when extended family came to visit but it seems like for the past year, they've "forgotten" to include us. J's brother is making a special trip home from college this weekend to be there so it must have been something that was planned.
Do they do alot of activites and visiting of other people? You mentioned that they don't walk much so maybe visiting is kind of taxing on them and they don't really want to come out and say that. Probably not the case here but just a thought.
But like you said most likely it is that they just can't get past the fact that J is an adult and aren't used to that.
Sorry it is frustrating for you guys.
Matt's parents visit his older brother every weekend, we literlly live around the block and never came to see us (not complaining just thought it was weird). Now that we have M they want to come all the time.
We always felt left out of Matts family activities and I dont know why, so I understand how you guys feel. It can be very hurtful. They just never told us about what was going on. Since becoming better friends with SIL I feel more included. Is there someone else in the family you can start talking to and get the low down on what is going on and who is invited.