Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
diva Lori - about BFing...
I saw your question down below about breastfeeding, and thought I'd answer it in it's own post since my reply is kinda long lol!
The answer is yes and no. We're working on it, but not doing it full time at this stage. Because I was incapacitated with the epidural headache for several days in the hospital, early bf'ing efforts were hampered a bit. I did pump on those days, but not nurse - I couldn't sit up to hold the babies and couldn't nurse them well while lying on my side because of the headache. Even pumping was difficult because I was so sick and stressed - not good conditions for expressing milk.
And we've had some supply issues - establishing supply is one of the hardest things for most women who have multiples because your body doesn't immediately understand that you have two babies and it still only makes enough for one. So take all of the stresses and uncertainties that come with starting to BF one baby and complicate that with having serious supply issues. (It would have been nice if I knew about this ahead of time, since needing to supplement with formula wasn't something I was expecting or that I ever even read about - but I've been assured by many nurses and several lactation consultants that it's extremely rare for someone with multiples to NOT need to do this at first).
I had some extremely rough days before my milk came in - I have never felt more like a failure in my entire life than when I would try to nurse the babies and they'd only get half the amount they needed, and then have to be supplemented with formula. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life - here were these two perfect little people and I couldn't even provide their most basic need. It was heartbreaking to feed them and then watch them cry with hunger afterward.
Even now that my milk has come in, it's an uphill battle and the boys are still getting probably 1/2 - 2/3 of their food from formula (sometimes straight formula, but often cut with breast milk depending on how much I have pumped). I nurse them at every feed before they get their bottles and pump inbetween, but it's taking my body a long time to catch up. I think I could currently nurse one baby full time but my body still can't handle two.
Some days are easier than others and on them I feel very positive and hopeful that eventually we'll be able to EBF. Other days I just start sobbing and want to give up entirely. To be 100% honest, I don't know what the final outcome will be: EBF, continually supplementing or just switching to straight formula.
I know that with perseverance we very likely can get to the point where we can EBF, and I was told by one lactation consultant that if we went cold turkey and cut out the formula entirely, we could probably EBF faster, but that would entail a week or so of literally constant nursing and listening to the boys cry unendingly from hunger...and honestly, I just don't think I (or Ben) could cope with that, even if it is "only" a week. At this stage, I'd rather just keep nursing/pumping to send signals to my brain, even if it's slower.
I've set a one month goal for myself - I will continue to try to do this until then, and if at that point it just doesn't look like it's happening, then we'll make a decision as to what we'll do in the future. I know how this sounds...probably harsh or cold and undoubtedly it makes me a bad mother, but I need a date that I can look forward to, a date where I can look back and evaluate how things are going. If at that stage it looks like we can reach the EBF goal, then I will be thrilled, but if it looks like my body simply won't get there despite my best efforts, then...well, then we'll decide if we want to keep supplementing (I may strongly consider exclusively pumping at that point - that way the formula could always be cut with breastmilk and it would be easy to continue to share feeding duties with Ben - I've actually even considered this at this stage) or simply swap to straight formula.
I feel so guilty writing all of this, or even just contemplating it (I'm actually in tears right now). I never thought I'd seriously consider not EBFing. But it's difficult to express just how exhausting and frustrating this process is and I can absolutely understand why many women give up when they have multiples (it's hard enough to find time to sleep normally, let alone when you have to pump between feedings - and I do mean HAVE to pump, even at 3am, or you sabotage your own efforts to increase your supply enough to support more than one baby).
Sorry this is so long...I haven't really expressed my frustrations to any friends/family members except for Ben, and I guess it's all coming out here.
Re: diva Lori - about BFing...
**butting in**
Lisa - I know this is probably the last thing on your mind... but as a teacher of teenagers, I can guarantee you that it's not the breast feeding that will teach your child to be the best he can be. It's about the values they raise them with. I have sooo many adopted cousins who were never breast fed. They're healthy, happy, well adjusted individuals. And I know there's a huge pressure to live up to this ideal of motherhood... but that ideal is just a construct. It's not real. You're going to teach the boys to be good people, to act in a positive way in the world, and all will be well.
**butting out**
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
Dates & Quinces Blog
*** butting in, too ***
You DO NOT sound like a bad mother at all. It's hard enough to BF ONE baby, I can't imagine how hard it must be with 2. Just remember that whatever BM you can give them is beneficial, even if you have to supplement. I know it's not ideal, and not what you wanted, but it's still doing them good. Honestly, it didn't get easier for me until 6-8 weeks or so. I still had tenderness until the 7th week (like pain from the water in the shower) and I thought it would never end. But it did.
There are still some days when I think about how much easier life would be if I gave up and just FF, but then again, I like BF more than I ever thought I would.
Hang in there...keep it up! You can do it! The first couple weeks are SO hard. I think I cried every day for the first 2 weeks, at least. You are not alone.
Wow Lisa...please don't feel guilty...you're doing the best you can mama. Christine is right...any BM you give your guys is beneficial...even if it's only a week or a month. I think it's wise to be open to all options and re-evaluate what is/isn't working for you and your family. I hope your supply increases and you can keep up with both boys, but if not, just know that as long as they are gaining weight and growing big and strong that is what is important. And being able to divide the feeding duties with Ben (by being able to bottle feed) is a great idea....be it FF, BF or a little of both.
Have you been able to try any galactalogues like oatmeal or mother's milk tea? I ate oatmeal every day for the first several weeks and drank the tea too...then I had over-supply and backed it off.
Hang in there...do what you can do and let the rest go. You love your little boys and that's what matters most...not if you BF or FF. Be gentle with yourself or you'll just drive yourself crazy with what-ifs and shoulds...do the best you can because that's all you can really do anyway.
TTC/PG Blog | Mommy Blog
*** butting in, also ***
Don't feel bad about not EBFing or even considering it. Adrian had lost more than 10% of his birth weight at his first pedi visit, so I ended up supplementing with formula once a day for a week. He bounced back and gained a nice little ton.
Since then, though, I'll occasionally give him a small bottle of formula before bed -- DH will feed him so I can shower. I pump, too, but if I go out for an errand and there's not enough breast milk, DH will top him off with formula.
Formula isn't poison and our babies are benefiting SO much from whatever BM they get, for as long as they get it. I only have one little mouth to feed, and I'm glad I have formula when I need it. You should DEFINITELY not feel bad about it at all. And there shouldn't be any pressure to do anything other than what works best for you and your pirates. Good luck, mama! You're doing great!
Thank you so much to everyone for your encouragement - I guess it's odd, but this whole BFing thing has affected me more than I expected it to. I say "odd" because before I actually had the boys, I secretly didn't see what the big deal about BFing was, as long as your baby got fed. I mean, I never had any "MUST BREASTFEED" thoughts in my mind or anything like that...but now that they're here, I just feel like such a failure for not being able to do something that it seems like every crack wh0re mother can do (OK I know that's ridiculously extreme, but you know what I mean).
I haven't yet - we haven't really been food shopping (thank god for a freezer full of meals!) and I don't have any in the house. I've never seen the tea here but I had heard of the oatmeal thing so I thought I might try it. Do you know if it's a particular kind of oatmeal, or can I use any kind (including the handy single serve packets)?
I keep telling myself this, and I know it's true, but sometimes it's hard when you have all this shouting about how breast is best coming at you from all sides. It doesn't help when you read a forum like kellymom and there's someone saying that the only way they succeeded at EBFing was to think of formula as poison and refuse to have it in the house. Gee, thanks for that...
I'm actually thankful for the formula - I know maybe it sounds like I'm not, but I really am. Every time we feed them, I feel secretly relieved that they're getting enough food, and even more secretly relieved that I'm not nursing one baby for three hours and still listening to them cry to get to that point. And that's when the guilt sets in - because I feel relieved, and because I'm happy that the boys are feeding so well on formula vs my battling it out as hard as I can with the BFing.
I keep telling myself that whatever breastmilk I can provide them with is good, no matter how much, whether it's cut with formula or not.
I'm actually seriously considering going to exclusively pumping sooner than the one month mark...I know it seems like more work, but it would give me the flexibility of BFing if I want/need to (assuming we don't end up with any latching/nursing issues, but honestly these little boys are BFing champs - the problems are all on my end) and frankly tandem nursing is HARD. Well, it's easy to get them set up, but damn near impossible to get things together by myself when they're done. The relative ease of tandem bottle feeding with expressed milk is looking awfully seductive right now...
Malia & Dave & Alexa
Happily married since 2-17-08! Three since 9-9-09!
Baby Blog
**Butting in**
Good for you for nursing at all! Nursing one is hard, I can't even begin to think about nursing 2! If you can keep them on the same schedule that's best but that doesn't always happen. I've seen and helped women tandem nurse, it's crazy and amazing to me all at the same time!
I do have a friend on FB that is an LC and has twins and she's nursing both of them full time. I can give you her name if you want, she's HAPPY to help you via messages if you want. She's helped me a ton with the m/c and my milk going down and then has helped another friend of mine that I asked if she'd help. She's really helpful and supportive, she wants you to do whats best for you... let me know if you want her name.
As far as nursing goes, always put them to your breast first because even by pumping, the babies will stimulate you to letdown more milk and they will suck differently and stimulate more milk ducts than the pump. The first 2-4 weeks are the most important for establishing your milk supply and then you can always try to increase it or take supps if you need to.
I'm on domperidone right now and it's working AMAZING! I pumped 8 oz this morning and was still able to feed Bella a full tummy too! My milk dipped with the pregnancy and m/c and this med is really helping! I'm also eating oatmeal too. On a side note if you do have to go on a prescription med do NOT go on Reglan if you or your immediate family have a history of depression because it can amplify it. My Ob said with the m/c she didn't want to risk my emotional state so we never even went there.
-runs out of the post because Bella's fighting nap time AGAIN even though she's exhausted~
Hey Lisa,
For the oatmeal, I use the instant kind by not in the packets. Not sure if there's a difference or not. I guess some women swear by the old fashioned kind, but I just make mine in the microwave, add a little cinnamon and voila!
As for the tea, there's probably different brands where you are...the ingredients you're looking for is fennel, fenugreek and blessed thistle herb. Some women swear by it, others say it has no effect. As always, moderation is key. Sarah is absolutely right...put the babies to breast as much as possible...it will stimulate your supply better than any pump or dietary supplement. Easier said than done when you have two, I am sure. The first few weeks are toughest and if you can stick it our you may just be surprised at what your body can do. It's okay though if you just cannot do it. There are some gals on the BF board on The Bump that EP and you can get some advice there from them on that.
Just keep doing what you're doing...any BM you can give them is beneficial.
TTC/PG Blog | Mommy Blog
Hi Lisa, sorry you're having so much heartache with BFing. I can't add much to what the other girls have said. But I wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I had the same feelings of inadequacy and failure when my milk supply tanked (at around 11 weeks). There were alot of tears!
When my supply first tanked I ate oatmeal (same kind Lori is referring to), took fenugreek and domparidone. My milk came back within 4-5 days. It was a very tear-y 4-5 days because Elyse spit out the formula every time I fed it to her.
I'm still on domparidone and it has worked miracles. I went off of it at Easter and my supply tanked again so I'm staying on it until we stop EBFing.
Good luck! Try to remember that EBFing or FFing doesn't make a good or bad momma!
Hugs!
Married Bio
TTC/PG Blog | Mommy Blog