BR: Do you find this odd?

sanae78 · April 2010

One of my nursing school classmates is single and has no children. But she's become this huge breastfeeding advocate. She has worked in NICU and recently got certified as a lactation counselor. She started a meetup group for breastfeeding moms and even started a blog where she rants about the lack of support for breastfeeding in Vegas. And on FB she posts a link just about every day to an article or website related to BF. Odd?

It just kinda bugs me that she's going to tell moms how to breastfeed when she's never done it before. And you know how they say if they're latched properly it shouldn't hurt, but then it really does? At least in the beginning. She has no idea how it feels. I dunno. Maybe it's just me?

MauiWedding08 · April 2010

I don't know, just because she has never done it shouldn't really preclude her, but I can see how certain people can be really annoying advocates and since you know here that could be adding to your frustration.

My favorite MW at my practice doesn't have any kids of her own, I know she has witnessed a number of births and I never thought to discount her advice or suggestions during birth, including info about BFing just because she hasn't went through it.

But on the other hand, you are right - it could be really hard to support someone through something you haven't actually done yourself...

lola808 · May 2010

Maybe her insights might be even more insightful if she'd been through it herself, but I think it's OK that she hasn't. Our doula has never had children, and although it crossed my mind once or twice, when it came time to do the dirty work, she was phenomenal and I couldn't imagine her being any better because she'd had the privilege of birthing a baby herself.

Also, the advantage of not having been through it herself is that maybe she remains more open minded to the fact that everyone's experience is different. Sometimes we only remember our own and tend to speak primarily from that limited perspective. Who knows... kinda cool that she has such a passion for it, though!

sanae78 · May 2010

lola808:
Also, the advantage of not having been through it herself is that maybe she remains more open minded to the fact that everyone's experience is different. Sometimes we only remember our own and tend to speak primarily from that limited perspective.

Good point. She's not really an open-minded person, otherwise, though. I guess you'd have to know her to understand why I think it's really odd. She spent the entire year of nursing school complaining about how "terrible" everything is in Vegas, health care-wise. "Terrible" was her favorite word ever. And then as much as she complained about it, she ended up coming back after about a year in LA because she missed it here. Go figure.

kaesha · May 2010

I'm on the fence. I don't think the fact that she hasn't had kids precludes her from anything.

Frankly, the question has hit a nerve, as I just got a new kid in one of my classes who has been severely abused and is deeply lacking in the education department. So, as controversial as this may be, I don't believe the ability to give birth means that you have the ability to raise (or educate) a child. It drives me nuts when parents come in and try to tell me how to do my job - they have no pedagogical/psychological training! So this idea that parents know what's best for their child? Load of crap sometimes, let me tell you. I mean, 90% of parents are awesome, but the other 10%? Sweet Jesus. That's what we, and our social workers are here for...and the reason that your child spends more waking hours a day with us rather than with you. We're more qualified to teach your child how to be a productive member of society.

Okay, I'm sorry if that offended anyone, but it has been a long, somewhat traumatic week. I love teaching, but when the sh*t hits the fan and kids are on the receiving end of poor parental decisions, I get riled up.

sanae78 · May 2010

kaesha:
So, as controversial as this may be, I don't believe the ability to give birth means that you have the ability to raise (or educate) a child.

I completely agree. You should have to take a test to have a baby. I work in a county hospital and see lots of examples of people who should not be having kids. Including 12 year old girls. It's sad.

myday1708 · May 2010

It doesn't preclude her... But I personally wouldn't really be interested in seeing her for bfing advice.

lelekay · May 2010

I guess it doesn't preclude her, but if I were the once receiving her advice, I would definitely want more advice from someone who HAS been there before, too.

I do hate it when people constantly, constantly, constantly post in-your-face articles about the same subjects, though. I get being and activist for something you believe strongly in, but I have a cousin who is the same way on FB, but about home births. She has made it very clear to me (not directly, but in the post she makes) that I am an idiot who doesn't care about my baby if I give birth in a hospital. It's funny to me how many people who say they're advocating "choice" often really mean "make MY choice."

MrsZiz · May 2010

I was a post partum nurse before I ever had a child and taught MANY women successfully how to BF and how to continue to BF. It was hard work, I felt weird because I didn't have the experience of BF but in the end, even if you nurse 5 kids, EVERY child is different so it only helps a little.

It's also good that she feels strongly about it because I did get some pressure from doctors and nurses to "just give her some formula, it won't kill her"... while they were right it wouldn't, I didn't want to! I was lucky to have some nurses that gave me confidence about BFing and she's providing that to some people.

I would say that she may feel completely different about it once she does it herself. I didn't think it was that hard until I did it myself and then I was like holy $hit this is the hardest thing I've ever done! Harder than giving birth by far! I think she'll have a completely different appreciation for it once she does it herself.

myday1708 · May 2010

MrsZiz:
I was a post partum nurse before I ever had a child and taught MANY women successfully how to BF and how to continue to BF. It was hard work, I felt weird because I didn't have the experience of BF but in the end, even if you nurse 5 kids, EVERY child is different so it only helps a little.

Well I'd make an exception for you... Because you are just all sorts of awesome. :-)

Good point tho, every kid is different. I guess you CAN teach what you've never done... BUT it is still a little weird.

Married2MrWright · May 2010

No odder than a male doctor doing the same...I agree that I'd rather get my BD or PG advice from someone who's been there, done that though. Same goes for marriage counseling...I probably wouldn't go to someone who had never been in a successful marriage.

myday1708 · May 2010

A male doctor giving me tips on BFing? Now that WOULD be odd! I don't think I've ever seen a male lactation consultant!

lelekay · May 2010

Married2MrWright:
No odder than a male doctor doing the same...I agree that I'd rather get my BD or PG advice from someone who's been there, done that though. Same goes for marriage counseling...I probably wouldn't go to someone who had never been in a successful marriage.

True! However, my old ob/gyn was a male, and he was the best doctor I've ever had. I never cared that didn't have them himself, but gave me advice on my lady parts. I miss him and wish he was my OB now, but he's an hour and a half away.

sanae78 · May 2010

Good points ladies. Now tell me if you find THIS odd: I had a male post partum nurse. Yikes. Good thing it was only on the last day and he only did my discharge teaching and all that. I'd feel really weird if he was the one checking my pad the first night! Eek.

MauiWedding08 · May 2010

sanae78:
Good points ladies. Now tell me if you find THIS odd: I had a male post partum nurse. Yikes. Good thing it was only on the last day and he only did my discharge teaching and all that. I'd feel really weird if he was the one checking my pad the first night! Eek.

oh totally! I wonder if he does all the same stuff a woman does? My first PP nurse helped me put the first pad and underwear on - no way would I have wanted to a man to help me out with that!

Back to the previous point - how would you even know if your (hospital) LC had children? The one that came and did rounds the first day I was there was young-ish and super nice and helpful but she didn't go through a big intro so I have no idea if she has children or had ever BF'd. I suppose if you were hiring a private LC you would probably be able to read about them and interview if you wanted but the ones that just automatically come to the hospital room are just kind of there.

kaesha · May 2010

I loved my male OB/GYN too! He was just wonderful.

It's like, if I was going in for open heart surgery, I wouldn't need for my surgeon to have ever experienced being on the table receiving the same procedure. That would be crazy, you know?

Either you can impart knowledge and wisdom or you can't, I'm not convinced anything else matters except that.

mrspresley · May 2010

I don't find it odd per se but I have to say that I would be more likely to take advice from someone who had "been there, done that" than from someone who has not. like pp said, i think you can be fully qualified to do something like BFing w/o ever having been through it, but there's a certain advantage i think to someone who has....

KShiz · May 2010

It reminds me of one of my favorite "mom" books: I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids

I know I certainly was full of opinions about what labor would be like, what being a mom would be like, and how I was going to do x, y & z as soon as she was born. Alas, life had other plans So yes, I think it's odd that shes doing that, but that could have easily been me B.E. (before Ella)

BR: Do you find this odd?

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