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Newlywed not into sex...hubby does what he wants.
I hate saying this but I am just not into it lately and I just got married. Valentines Day, so not even 3 months.
Hubby and I waited with each other, I had before him however. Anyways, he has this thing where he just goes straight for the boobs and it is driving me nuts. I have been open and honest with him and told him how this bothers me, like I have other body parts you know? But yet he still does the same thing time and time again and then he wonders why I stop him and say I am not in the mood anymore.
It just gets really old. Like I understand that I have had experience whereas he has not but he doesnt want to hear what I have to say. I give him advice on what does and does not feel good and its like he is saying "uh huh I hear you but I am going to do it how I want".... with every aspect of sex. How am I supposed to be into that?
What makes this even more frustrating is we are trying to get pregnant. At least thats what we had talked about and I thought we decided but yet he is making sex unbearable for me. I am just not into it and it makes me want to cry because we just got married, this should be the peak time. Its just when I can map out how our sex will be that to me says there is a problem. It is literally, kiss you a few times........ boobs(10 minutes) yeah cause that is not boring for me, sex, ok done maybe a kiss or two. Like really I feel like I just lay there and if I didnt force him to kiss my mouth on occasion I could probably sleep and he wouldnt notice. 
I don't know what to do...... talking to him does nothing... he just gets angry with me. But I am just trying to be honest. HELP!
Re: Newlywed not into sex...hubby does what he wants.
Your DH should learn the essence of communication which is two-way. talking and LISTENING.
Isn't love about focusing on the other and not oneself?
It sounds like he has absolutely no idea what's going on with the female body. He could read something like She Comes First to educate himself. Among other things, it explains what typically works and what doesn't for women.
Of course, this book can't really address the communication problems you two have, which is a much more serious issue.
Yeah... I've always assumed that men who behave like the OP's H have a serious personality defect. As in that type of behavior is indicative of who they are as a person, not just in the bedroom. Even when I was 14 and having sex for the first time, I was concerned about my partner (now FI) and wanted her to be getting hers too, so I can't really buy the lack of experience argument when it's given as a defense.
First off, stop TTC. Babies do not actually contain the magic "fix it" dust everyone seems to think they do.
Work on your communication. Have you suggested counseling?
On a more personal note, did you guys fool around at all before you got married? If so, what was it like then?
Sweetie I really feel sorry for you and I understand that you love him but he sounds selfish to me.my hubby was like that to till I told him things dont work out for us that he only cared about his needs and that he makes sex not interesting and only want to get it over and done with. So what we did we each took a peace of paper and wrote down what he/her wants from their partner. One night I'll do what he want and one night he does what I want. So we each got our satisfaction and we still does the same sometimes i'll spice things up and even give him something extra and if he questions my motives then I'll just reply "You were a good boy this week i think you deserve a bonus tonight"
Make things interesting for him. So that he wants to search for more and want more. Take for instance a peace of paper write a small note and say dinner will be ready in 15min you went out quickly and he must sit down and get comfy. Go back in sexy clothes and his supper on a tray, deliver it to him on the tray put on soft music and give him a lap dance tell him how sexy he is (men needs to hear that sometimes) Girl when you got married you said for better or worst, this is not the worst thing that can happen to you. This is just a minor setback from the big Lucifer . Just you try and help you hubby to make thing also interesting for you tell him what you like what he does to you tell him he turns you on you cant stop thinking about him when your at work.
Things will get better I can promise you that if you need to talk, just write a post with my name on it, (Corrie) I always though I sometimes need help myself. Talk to hubby communication is the big thing, and i'm thinking of you in your time of need
Well TTC is not happening because we aren't having sex. We had talked about having children right away before we were married so at least for the first month or so that was the plan. But lately it has been quite a dry spell. And luckily I am not an idiot and I am not selfish enough to throw a baby into this mix.
I try to keep the lines of communication open and I try really hard to listen and understand him. I believe that it is important to understand someone and their feelings and that does not always mean agree with them..... But it is hard because I will tell DH how I feel and I get the 15 year old boy response of "well you do that too" or "well I don't like it when you". Not saying he doesnt have validity but really stop pointing fingers and lets fix 1 thing at a time.
I would love counseling but I dont think he would go.
On the personal note. For the most part no. There was an occasional drunken night... lol where some fooling around happened but never sex.. and he never really focused on my chest then. It was just heavy kissing and hj for him and fngr for me..... Not sure what you are allowed to type on here. SORRY
::blink blink::
WTF are you talking about? So lazy = Lucifer?
I just don't have the words...
I don't mean stop TTC because you aren't having sex. I mean, flat out, stop TTC because communication skills are severely lacking in your marriage. Get yourself on the pill so there aren't any accidents.
As far as him not going to counseling... Do you have any idea how well that bodes for your relationship? If he has no interest in working on things, where does that leave you? High and dry, that's where. And not just with sex, but with pretty much everything else. He's a selfish boy and has no interest in being a grown-up.
As for the fooling around, did you have to ask him to help you out or did he do it of his own free will?
Will you be getting the book Aaron suggested?
This is the biggest reason why people shouldn't wait until they get marrired!!!!! You could have fixed it or ended the relationship if you had sex BEFORE the wedding!
Do not get pregnant....for a long long time, even if the sex gets better. Neither of you are ready for parenting.
did you actually think that a man with no experience was going to be a good lover? Really? Im not sdaying you shouldnt work to improve things, but what the hell did you think? He is acting like a 15 year old in bed because mentally he is a 15 year old in the sex department.
Because it's not a permanent solution nor is it actually addressing the root of the problem. Especially as these sort of problems spill over into other areas of the relationship.
The problem is that you need to tell him and show him what you want, and he needs to do the same. And you both need to listen.
This has nothing to do with sex before marriage. It has to do with communication.
I almost don't know how to answer this post--I feel like the other half of this story is very important to giving the right advice. In any case, what I will say: stop TTC. You've been married less than three months! Even in the best of relationships (which yours clearly is not) a couple needs time to be a couple. Let the marriage develop before starting a family.
Since you're experienced and he is not, I think the problem might lie with his inexperience and your criticism. In my experience, when my DH feels overwhelmed by instructions or advice, or when something I say makes him feel foolish or inadequate, he goes about doing his thing, and for a long time I thought this meant he was ignoring me. Now I know better. I had to learn how to be a teacher in the most gentle, loving manner. Sex is the epitome of the male ego, after all.
And, as for your breasts--most men are condition to believe women love to have their breasts played with. In every porn-flick in the world, the woman grabs her breasts and pinches her own nipples while being fvcked, or moans in orgasmic pleasure while nursing her partner; it's hardly reality, but most men think it is. My DH, who was completely inexperienced when he met me, was shocked to learn that I have almost no sensitivity in my breasts. For him, they were like toys he'd always wanted--when he got his chance, he wanted to play with them all the time. And you know what? I let him because it made him happy and eventually, he discovered other body parts he liked just as well (and I like a lot more).
I'm not suggesting you let the issue lie and hope he develops an interest in doing other things over time. What I am saying is understand the issue from his side of the bed. He thinks your breasts are great and he's showing his appreciation--can't you find enjoyment in that knowledge if not the act itself?
I know you came on this board and posted seeking validation and hoping a bunch of us would tell you we sympathize and that your husband is a boorish prick, but I don't think it's going to happen. What I see here is someone who wants to rush things, is still TTC despite all advice to the contrary (your latest TTC posts were dated 4/22, so it would appear you are still trying), and is likely not communicating effectively. A lot of men shut down mentally when they receive critical advice from their partners--it's a survival tactic because sex is important to them, they really want to be good at it.
You're going to have to stop being so critical of him--he's new to this--and show him what you enjoy instead of telling him. He's getting defensive and angry when you say you're "not in the mood," because he's feeling inadequate.
Having dated a guy who was into breasts, I know how irritating it can be. I once had to stop my ex from groping me while cooking dinner. I held the knife in my hand and told him that if he surprised me again, I might cut something off in my moment of shock. He was a little more polite after that.
You are right to stop this now before it creates a pattern in your sex life. You can't pop up two years from now and say "Hey, I hate that you play with my breasts and don't touch the rest of me. Our sex life sucks!"
Have you ever asked him why he is so fascinated with breasts? My ex was physically abused as a child by his mother, and breasts and sex were the way he registered love from a woman. He was utterly starved for affection/attention but could only receive it that way.
I imagine that your DH's perceptions about sex are a little skewed from many years of masturbating and occasional porn viewings. Remember, even if he never watched a pornographic movie, he has been surrounded by images of sexualized women. How does our society indicate sex? BREASTS! Pushed up, pushed out, barely covered, nipples hard...and that is just in the Victoria's Secret catalog that is delivered to every home in America!
So, breasts equal sex for him. Not female genitalia with all of its mysteries and complexities, but easy to see, easy to find breasts.
Try a sex therapist. Seriously. Your DH is clueless about a woman's sexuality and needs a crash course. Going to a sex therapist who knows that the issue is sexual and will talk bluntly about it and give you clear strategies to get you guys on the same page.
When he balks, just look him in the eye and say "We are not on the same page sexually. I feel like I am just here as your boob delivery system and that my enjoyment of sex is not important to you. Because I am not enjoying sex, I don't want to have sex. That is obviously not something that either of us want to continue. So let's go and get healthy about our sexuality now rather than have problems in bed for the rest of our marriage."
I wanted to ask one detail: Does your DH know you had sex with other men?
As previuosly stated. Put a hold on the baby making until everything else is straightened out. A baby is not marital glue.
DH maybe ignoring your groin as he isn't ready for children. He may want to spend to time with just you and get a home and finaces in order. Before the expence and stress of children..
All I'm trying to say is so him somethings about you that you like to do, I dont say you have to do lap dances and serve dinner but that was an example. Just show him what he might like and tell im what you like. Maybe the way he touches you or kisses you anythung this advice can't be that ironic. The pen and paper thing is allways a winner in my married life. Try it you will see
newlywed26:What's wrong with this post? I don't understand what advice she gave that was idiotic other than the serving dinners and lap dance thing. I really like the paper and pen idea though. I might have to try this myself to spice things up a bit.
I think she was looking for some advice. This obviously isn't gonna help her right now...except for the parenting part.
I'm getting the sense that you're feeling objectified by him paying more attention to your breasts than the rest of your body; as if (to him) that's all that you're made of. Am I correct? (If not, it's fine to say so, but you've mentioned something along those lines a couple of times, which is why I said that).
Have you tried discussing this issue with your H outside the bedroom/sex-time? He could feel defensive if the only time you mention him paying too much attention to your breasts is when his hands are currently on them.
I'd have a sit-down discussion with him. Explain that while you really enjoy sex with him, you need him to understand that there's more to it than just your chest. Sure, some manual attention to your breasts is a good starting place (I know it is for me) during foreplay, but you also enjoy other stimulation as well. You might even suggest having him sit back and watch you pleasure yourself for a few minutes (any more than 3 minutes, and I'd say you're torturing the poor guy). Rub the places that really get you going, and make sure you tell him that it does.
I had a lot of trouble with this sort of thing with my ex. He would tweak my nipples like he was tuning a radio, and to top it off, he had no idea where my clitoris was. I literally had to ask him if I could show him, grab his hand, and put it on there and explain that THAT was really what got me going. Needless to say, even after all that instruction, he still didn't get it. (Thank God I'm not with him anymore!)
my currently-reading shelf:
<a href="http://s6.photobucket.com/albums/y212/coastiemeg/?action=view
you didn't have to say it like that mag.
I was in the same boat...sorta. I never had sex before and my husband was experienced. I wanted to wait till marriage and he respected that.
Most important is communication. (like many have said) But when only 1 is wanting to communicate, that makes it harder. I was actually shocked that my husband wasn't all over me after we got married but come to find out (after we communicated) the whole "my bleeding" thing bothered him but after I explained it would go away soon then he was more into it.
My husband does a similar thing. He like to su** on my breast and that bothers me cuz its not comfortable. Then he likes me on top, but that bothers me. But anyways, we talked and he understands and I too, that we need to communicate always otherwise our sex life is going down the toilet.