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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
If YH cheated on you. . .
Would you want/need to know the circumstances? (One night stand, on-going affair, who it was, etc) Would it even matter to you?
Would there be a chance that you would stay married to him? On what terms?
(Not a personal problem... just watching EXTRA and they were spotlighting "When Celebrities Cheat" and got me thinking)
Re: If YH cheated on you. . .
Ugh. It gives me a stomach ache just thinking about it.
I don't know if I'd want to know the details. I think in the past, I have known too much about things (even things in the past before I was in the picture) and I wish I didn't know.
I say this now, and hopefully I'll never have to face such a situation, but I am pretty sure I wouldn't be able to stay married to someone who cheated on me. I would NEVER be able to trust again, and trust is already an issue for me.
It's so sad. I have a classmate from nursing school whose husband cheated on her for a whole year with someone who was their mutual friend and ex-roommate. My friend was living in Vegas, away from her husband, for school. His relationship with the other girl was totally out in the open back in the Bay Area and they even told friends they were going to get married. My friend ended up staying with her husband! It's not like they have kids or anything. I don't know why she stayed with him or how she could ever look at him the same way. I know she has major trust issues with him still (3 years later), and who can blame her? Oh, and I should mention she saw naked pictures of the girl on her husband's computer that were taken in their bed! Blech.
I don't know if I could stay or not... that's a hard call. I don't think I could, but I really do strongly believe in the concept of redemption. On the other hand, I suck at forgive and forget, so probably not.
This issue is soo hot topic right now, we had a girl on our club board last month admit that she'd had an affair with a married man and wanted to throw it in the wife's face. She GBCKed when we told her that throwing it in the wife's face (let alone being the other woman) was completely trashy.
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
Dates & Quinces Blog
Yes, I would want to know. Not the gory details but if it was a one-night stand, long time affair, etc. Personally I could deal with a one time indiscretion over a long time, intimately emotional affair.
In all honesty we'd probably work through whatever it was...and I could see us staying married as long as both of us wanted to be married still.
When J and I were first dating...we had an "open" relationship (i.e. we could see other people with certain guidelines/restrictions)...so we had to work through a lot of trust and jealousy issues way back then (nearly 10 years ago). We thought having an "open" relationship would help to eliminate hurt feelings (i.e. not sneaking around or cheating, etc.) but frankly it did not. Feelings were still hurt and there was a barrier to true intimacy until we both decided to be monogramous to each other. When we made that decision I let him know that anything with anybody else moving forward would be considered cheating in my eyes. Thankfully, he's never tested it. And neither have I. But if it were to happen. we could probably work it out. I don't ever want to test this theory though.
TTC/PG Blog | Mommy Blog
I don't think MH would ever cheat on me...really. and I know every woman says that or likes to think that but I truly don't think he has it in him.
but, if he did... I am not sure if I could stay w/him or not. they say that the first time a man cheats is the hardest...after that, it's a slippery slope and gets easier and easier for him to cross the line. so it would be so hard for me to trust again and I find it hard to have a relationship w/o trust. I am sure it would depend on the circumstances b/c of course there is a child involved in our relationship now so maybe I'd be more inclined to stay, I don't know and hope I never have to be faced w/that situation
as for how much i would want to know, I'd want to know some general things but not a lot of details
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
My Food Blog - Good Eats 'n Sweet Treats
I agree with this. I've had an ex that cheated and I knew EVERYthing which was FAR too much in the end. It ended up hurting me more than him actually cheating. I personally think cheating can be as much or as little as investing his time and energy emotionally in someone else, it doesn't have to be sex... that's just my opinion.
I don't feel like I could forgot it if he did. I could forgive and move forward (by getting a divorce) but I could not forget which I feel would cause long term problems in our marriage.
I'm with Jaime though, i don't think R would ever cheat because his father did and he saw first hand the effect it had on his mother and his family. he was 18 when things came out in the open. I think by him being pretty much an adult at the time, it really caused permanent damage for him... he to this day still talks about the problems it caused. It's really sad!
THIS!! I have no tolerance for cheating. DH knows that he screws up, he's out the door and he'll never see me and my kid ever again!! :-P.
I'm with Lori (Libby's mama) and would want to know if it was a one night thing or a long-term affair. Having said that, I know either one would hurt me all the same.
I really don't know if I could work through it and stay married to him. I'd have major trust issues and would question every female in his life, and I think it would basically make me an insecure, paranoid person! Even if he was truly sorry and would never do it again, I think it would be better for me if I left the relationship.
The second I found out, I would pack up and go!
... and, by pack, I don't even mean all of my stuff. I mean my bikini and slippahs... and passport, just in case.
My H knows that my exH cheated. He knows how much it hurt me and how horrible the impact of cheating is. If he ever did anything that could be considered cheating, I would be gone in a flash.
I don't need to know the circumstances. I don't want to discuss it. If I ever again find myself in that horrible place, I'm running for my life.
Newlyweds since 2007
I would want to know SOME of the details. Not exactly what they did and where and in what positions, but the general circumstances of the affair.
I think I would need to know because regardless of what happened, it would mean that my husband was a different person than I thought he was, and as his wife I have the right to know who I'm married to and be able to make decisions accordingly.
For example, if it was a drunken one night stand, that would be different to me than a year affair that involved strong emotions for another person. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'd be less hurt, but I think under the first circumstances I'd be more likely to want to try to work through things...under the second, it would be a deal breaker without a second thought; I simply wouldn't be able to cope with or move past his being in love or emotionally involved in some other way with another woman. I don't know if that makes sense, but it's how I'd feel.
I completely agree with this. I would be so shocked if MH cheated....it's just sooooo not in his personality. We are ridiculously honest with each other, and he is loyal to a fault.
However, if he were to, I would have a very hard time with that. Like other people said, I don't trust easily, and highly doubt that he could ever earn it back.
This exactly!!!!
Hmm. I don't know that I would be willing to give MH a second chance if he happened to have a one-night stand w/someone drunk. I think that I would still have MAJOR trust issues with it. I would probably question everything even if he said that he was just "going out with friends." Instead, it would make me think, "is he just going to cheat on me again?" I don't believe that ETOH would impair one's ability to the extent that they wouldn't remember they were married and that they have a wife.
So, with that, if I found out my husband was having an affair over an extended amount of time. I would SO leave. I don't want to deal w/that kind of stuff. (Not that I would ever believe that I would have to!) But..I'd probably pack my bags and move to Hawaii ;D
Always keep a good divorce attorney on retainer. LOL. That's the advice I got at from a couple at Tommy Bahama's in Wailea almost two years ago. It was friends of Lori Lawrence's that told me this. We lall aughed over several bottles of wine, since DH and I were barely married for 24 hours.
Being serious though, I have no idea what I'd do. Run to the hills with Ben probably?
I LOVE that Tommy Bahama cafe
I could probably forgive the physical part, the insert part x in part b thing, but it's the emotional part that I would never be able to get over. If he was "sweet" with her, if they snuggled after they took care of their business, or otherwise acted like I didn't exist. To me, that would show that although I "think" I know him, I really don't, and how can I be married to someone I didn't trust. Cheating and that type of betrayal is one of the cruelest things you can do to your spouse in my book.
Cerclage placed @ 21w6d due to CI (IC)