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Why I probably won't have kids...
I guess the easiest way to answer is that I feel like my family is complete. I don't feel like children or anything else is missing from my relationship with L.
To delve deeper is really just more of the same--I love everything just the way it is about my personal life. I like sleeping in, having the freedom to read a book or watch TV, etc. The responsibilty of raising another human being truly overwhelms me and just thinking about everything it involves can take my breath away. I'm sure that I could do it and that it would be very rewarding, but I don't know why I would want to thrust myself into a situation that the thought of makes me panic. I don't want to be a "mom." I think so often becoming a mother changes a person (how could it not?) and I don't want to be changed in that way.
Re: Why I probably won't have kids...
Whoops, I didn't realize you were starting another tread on this. Here's the copy of my response from the other thread. Its very much in line with your reasoning.
***
I'm undecided on the issue, but I'll answer this question anyway. Here's my reasoning for often (although not always) leaning toward no:
- I've never felt like there's anything missing in my marriage. I feel like it is complete and happy just the way it is.
- I've never been a "kid person". I don't love spending time with kids.
- There's never been a point in my life where I've "always wanted to be a mom and have a family".
- I enjoy my career and I enjoy sharing an independent lifestyle with my husband. I don't want to feel guilty about working outside of the home and enjoying "me time".
- Ultimately: I'm happy with my life as it is now. Why change it?
These are all things that still ring true for me, even after having a kid...lol. I would modify the first point and say that I don't LOVE spending time with OTHER PEOPLE's kids.
I haven't always wanted to be a mom.
I realize after the brink of disaster we were on towards the end of my maternity leave how much I LOVE working and getting out of the house and making money and interacting with adults. I don't feel guilty AT ALL (though sometimes I feel like I should feel guilty for the lack of guilt I feel...haha.)
I will always enjoy "me" time, when I get it.
And I hope this doesn't come off as me trying to convince you to have kids. I'm not. I just wanted to point out the similarities.
I feel the same way too.
I don't think your comments came off that way at all. I think you made some good points and I appreciate that.
Can I ask, is T in daycare or do you have a family member watching him while you're at work?
I feel like both my husband and I would be more inclined to have kids if we had a family support network nearby who would be willing to help with childcare (whether during the day or just if we want to go out for an evening). But we don't have family nearby and neither of us have any interest in moving back to our hometown.
I know when I was growing up, my parents left my brother and I with relatives all the time, and I think it would be really hard to raise children without having that option. I think its definitely easier to have "me time" and "couple time" if you have family nearby to help out.
T is in daycare.
BUT you make SUCH a good point about having a family support system. As bad as this sounds, I don't think I would have been able to have a kid without my mom.
She LOVES T so much, she wants to spend as much time with him as she can. She babysits at least once a week so Mike and I can spend quality time together or time apart (she watches him every Wednesday at my softball practices/games because Mike plays basketball.)
She was SO helpful the first few weeks home. She came over once a week while I was on maternity leave when Mike was bowling on his league to watch T so I could wash the dishes and do some laundry. She watched him overnight when we went to Chicago. She is watching him all weekend when we go to Vegas.
She has seriously made having a child so much easier (even though it is still hard). If I didn't have that support system, I probably would have gone insane.
It's obviously not impossible to have kids without family nearby, but it does make it a lot easier. GREAT point.