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Husband's Low Libido...normal?
I've been married 2 years now and for a while(over a year) our sex life has died down. It's only about once a week now whereas it used to be 3-5. My hubby says it's just because we're comfortable now and married and he just doesn't see it as being as important as other things in our marriage. I agree it's not THE most important thing, but I do think it's important.
I also feel like it's becoming very predictable...always the same thing..which to this his feeling is "why fix it if it isn't broken" and to an extent he's right what we're doing now works great but I'd like some spontaneity and such.
Is this normal? What can I do to fix things? I've talked and talked and talk. I was going to have him get his testosterone levels checked but im not sure if I should
Married my best friend 5/2/2008
TTC our first miracle since November 2010
BFP 3/16/2011 Chemical Pregnancy 3/20/2011
Re: Husband's Low Libido...normal?
can you try starting up the spontaneity? put on something sexy and start things on the couch with him sitting down? Introduce something new, tell him you'd like to try a toy if you haven't done that and go to the sex store together to pick one out. Sometimes if you start some little things yourself he'll see that "hmmm I like this" and it might get him to be a little more adventurous too.
Really though I think it's pretty normal, once a week I don;t think is worthy of a doctors appointment I think it's probably just life catching up.
I was coming on this site to see what other people do in this situation. Im in the same boat. if i was having sex once a week that would be a step up.
Part of it is that he works constantly (unavoidable at this point and something i understand and support), so there could be a couple days wehre we don't even see each other, and when we do we're running around.
He's very very affectionate and loving and i feel satisfied in that way - but i definetly find it difficult to deal with how rarely we have sex.
I had had a very hot sex life with the boyfriedn i'd had before meeting my husband. I imagined that when i found the right guy (which is absolutely my husband) that id have the best of all worlds. The loving, respectful and fun relationship with the hot sex. But i can't figure out how to get him on that same page with me and when i try to seduce him in some way, i wind up feeling disapointed or rejected. And when we do have sex it's fine but not great. I try to put little importance on it because the bottom line is i feel very loved and very happy in our relationship - but i want more sex, i'm not gonna lie. I've talked to him about this quite a bit but it doesnt seem to change things. He blames it on being tired but i don't think i've ever been too tired to not have sex for over a week, sometimes 2.
Get some new lingerie.
You need to intiate sex, not just him.
Jump in the shower with him or send him dirty texts all day.
Buy a kama sutra book and explore new positions together.
Bring in toys.
There are plenty of things you can do to get yourselves out of this rut. Don't just rely on your H to do all the work.
Agreed.
Do the initiating and spice things up on your end. And if he doesn't react the first time, try again. He may eventually warm up and start to follow your lead.
But if this turns into a long term problem, i suggest couples counselling. An unsatisfying sex life can lead to some major resentment.
Don't you realize how unhelpful this comment is? If I were you, I'd do the women on this board a favor and delete it. Perhaps something more helpful would be what interests you even when you're dead tired. Does your wife initiate it then? How? Does she let you be on the bottom and do more work on the top?
Men can have low libidos and be perfectly normal - just as some women want more sex than others.
While it's unfortunate that your sex life dropped to once a week...you'd be surprised that for a lot of people it's less than that. I really don't think your husband has a low libido (i'm not a doctor, don't take my word for it). To me, a low libido is going weeks at a time w/out sex. Instead of trying to get him to have sex multiple times a week, try focusing more on the one time a week you do have sex. Kick things up a notch, buy some books. Try Supersex by Tracy Cox.
I might be a bit late, but this is a sensitive issue in a relationship and the way things are communicated can make a huge difference. Some men might be offended by a wife's suggestion of a toy. I understand the concept of time eliminating sexual excitement, but the essence of marriage is not physical passion.
Non-sexual romance could lead to more exciting and fulfilling sex. A sweet date could set the mood, which is a great alternative to a man feeling like he's expected to perform just because it's been a while (that piece of lingerie to end the night would be a nice touch). Obviously, we know all men aren't sex machines as society would like to have us believe. Maybe trying to encourage the libido through the male mind/heart would help.
As previously alluded to physical and mental health can be a factor.
If DH suspects you maybe trying to get accidentally pregnant and he doesn't feel ready for parenthood. His willy is going to less eager for you.
Work or financial stress? Weight gain by him or you? If DH has gained weight. He could be depressed, diabetic,suffering low testosterone, sleep apnea from snoring to name a few.