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Bittersweet Vegas trip
I'm sitting here in my room at the Bellagio wondering if coming here was the right thing to do.
My mom is in critical condition in the CCU (Cardiac Care Unit). Her kidneys have failed, she is now on dialysis through her neck (owch), she's in alot of pain. They successfully inserted 2 stints on Friday, and are hoping to do 3 more tomorrow but it's a risky procedure as she's so unstable and not responding well to treatment. She did have a heart attack on Wed night, a big one, which scared her...she told me it hurt so bad that it made her scared to die 
I spoke with my dad and my mom and they both wanted us to follow through with our plans to come to Vegas. My sis is *pissed*, but my parents know that we will come home immediately if anything happens. What amd I supposed to do there anyway? She is in isolation, you can only have one person in to see her at one time and or only 10 minutes.
I cried half the time since we left the house. I feel good, then bad, the sad and guilty. I just can't have people understand that me and my mom are in a really good place and, while I would be sad if she died, I honestly just want to see her pain ended. We have nothing left unsaid, it's all good. She knows that I will keep every promise I made to her, and that she doesn't owe us anything. Others in my family aren't so "ok" and consider her very heartbeat a victory. My mom deserves better than that. The whole situation is just so frustrating.
Re: Bittersweet Vegas trip
hugs I am so sorry. I can't even imagine what you are going through. Try to enjoy yourself, you can go home if you have to and this might be a good distraction in a terrible time.
(((HUGS)))
I understand exactly where you are coming from, as my mom is in the very advanced stages of early onset dementia.
Try to have a good time. That is what your mom would want.
I still feel pangs of guilt from when my grandmother passed. She had been not feeling well for a couple of weeks, and I had visited her a few days before I left for a 2 week European vacation with DH and my ILs. The night before we left, she was admitted to the hospital. She actually had asked my Dad NOT to call me, because she didn't want me to cancel my trip. I was upset that they hadn't told me, but I knew what she wanted was for me to live my life and enjoy myself. She ended up passing away while I was in Europe, and they scheduled the funeral so quickly that it was impossible for me to make it back in time (intentionally I believe).
You say that you and your mom are in a good place, and have said what needs to be said. Enjoy yourself, and live the life she wants you to live.
I understand what you're feeling. On our honeymoon we found out that my husband's mother had been given a prognosis of 3 weeks to live. Our honeymoon was 3 weeks long, so we had to decide what to do - cancel it and stay with her, or continue on and hope we could still see her. She demanded we finish out our honeymoon, which we did, and Stasha went to visit her immediately following it.
It's hard to know what the right thing to do is in these situations. And I totally get what you mean by wanting her pain to end. For a year I had been almost wishing for my MIL's passing (which sounds horrible i know) because I knew she was in so much pain and was embarrassed by how her body was failing her. Stasha and his family were living in denial and considered every checkup a huge success, whereas I knew she was in the final year of her life and was hoping for a quick painless passing instead of a long drawn out painful one (which is, unfortunately, what she got in the end).
I'll be thinking of you. Being in this situation sucks.
I understand what you are feeling. I had a trip scheduled and then found out my mom had breast cancer and her surgery was supposed to happen a day before I left. Even though she wasn't facing death but surgery and painful treatments I felt very guilty that I wasn't there to take care of her and support her emotionally while she was going threw it.
I don't have much advice but I am sorry that are going threw this.
Smooshie, it doesn't sound horrible at all. When the alternative is drawn out suffering it makes sense to me to wish someone would be saved that pain and pass away quickly. It upsets me that when my pets suffering moves to the point where their quality of life is poor and will never recover I can have them humanely put down but we can't do that for a person in the same condition.
Melozia, I hope you can enjoy Vegas. Since there is nothing you can do at home any way try to focus on living and having some great pictures and stories for your mom when you get back. Her wish is to live through you right now, I'm sorry others can't understand and respect that but I'm glad you were able to. (((HUGS)))
((hugs))
I can't say it better than any of the ones above, but I'm thinking of you, and sending you lots of support.