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How do you handle unhealthy people in your life? (kinda long...sorry)
To make a long story short, there is a woman in my office who I don't get along with. Mainly because about 3-4 months ago she stopped talking to me out of the blue for no reason that I am aware of and she won't give me the courtesy of a reason why after many times confronting her about it.
We actually used to be somewhat friends (when I say friends, someone who I talked to, ate lunch with and got along with while at work) Since she stopped talking to me, she is constantly rude to me and makes my day at work a living nightmare. I can't even have a professional relationhsip anymore.
Now she goes out of her way just to upset me or just down right annoy me (her LOUD and obnoxious voice, will say something about me under her breath to others, etc.)
I don't know why now I'm letting her effect me the way she does. I believe she is 90% to blame of my anxiety issues. I went through a glorious 2 weeks of not being around here and I was fine, I come back from vacation last week and all my anxiety has come back. I have had many conversations with my boss about this (because there are other issues too) and he gave her a final warning to change her behavior or else she is gone, but the way she treats me still continues.
She is a very immature person to begin with so I'm actually glad she is not talking to me so I won't feel so bad about pretending to like her. But I can't help but let her negativity effect my attitude and life. I know I need to just ignore it and move on, but it's so much easier said than done...especially when I hear her voice all.day.long.
There is actually more to this story, but believe it or not this is the short side of things 
My question to you ladies, how do you deal with unhealthy people in your life and move on from the silly high school drama that people will bring to the table? How do you not let others effect your mood?
| Olowalu, Maui ~ August 6, 2008 |
| Family of 4 ~ April 2, 2011 |
| Family of 5 - October 24, 2012 |
Re: How do you handle unhealthy people in your life? (kinda long...sorry)
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
Dates & Quinces Blog
Great point! It's only been a few weeks since the boss talked to her. The boss talked to her right before she left on vacation and he told me he left with her that was fearful she would not have a job when she returned. I will give it a bit longer and will talk to him again about it...hopefully it will be the last time.
I'm just so sick of her immature games and attitude it's so hard not to let them effect me while at work. I wish I didn't let people bring me down like that. It' so hard to overcome for me.
| Olowalu, Maui ~ August 6, 2008 |
| Family of 4 ~ April 2, 2011 |
| Family of 5 - October 24, 2012 |
I would just ignore them--people have told me that I'm incredibly good at tuning things out (which bugs MH sometimes because if he talks to me while I'm at my computer, I don't hear a single thing that he says =P) so I guess it's just some odd skill that I picked up over time to focus on what I'm doing no matter how noisy of an environment I'm in? I don't know how I do it--it just happens even when I don't mean to ignore people!
The 1-2 "friends" I had that ended up bringing high-school-drama-type stuff into my life, I just don't hang out with them or see them anymore. They would e-mail me to see if I'm free to hang out (part of me is thinking, "why the heck do you want to hang out with me when you don't even like me?") and I would just ignore the e-mail and not respond, so after time, they just stopped asking. But in your case, it's different, because you don't really have to choice to stop going to work, which is where you see her.
Do you hear her voice because you sit near her or because you have to work with her all the time? If it's because you sit near her, do you think listening to music (using earphones) would block her out so you just can't hear her anymore? I work well with music but I know it's not for everyone so I don't know if that's an option for you. But if you're forced to work with her, then I would talk to your boss again about the issue and explain that it's not improving at all. Another option is to maybe ask to move to a different office/cubicle at the other end of the building from her (or as far away as possible while still sitting where you need to sit to be able to work with those you need to work with). I don't know if that's feasible either in your company's situation but either way, GL and I hope this resolves soon!
Ugh, I am sorry. I am a people pleaser by nature and really want people to like me, so situations like this used to really bring me down. But with lots of innerwork I've learned that it's not really about me and I cannot own it or take it personally. Easier said than done, but it's true. Sometime I pray for them because they must be so miserable to be acting out that way. And I draw clear boundaries so their crap doesn't get on me.
Since this is a work situation, you've taken the proper steps by notifying your boss that this woman is creating a hostile work environment. From here I'd recommend documenting everytime she harasses you or is hostile towards you. Keep informing your boss. If he doesn't remedy the situation you'll have a legit HR complaint.
Only you can chose how you'll react to someone's negativity. Try not to let it affect you, but if it continues, definitely speak up about it to your boss.
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I *really* think it's important you self advocate. If she's being unprofessional, that needs to stop.
And Lori is right. Document, document, document.
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
Dates & Quinces Blog
Totally agree. Oh, and I'd also speak to your boss again, since they're aware of the situation - they need to know it hasn't improved.
I'm like Lori - very much a people pleaser, so it KILLS me when I'm in a situation like this and I feel a lot of sympathy for you right now! How I cope...I act as professional as possible and then come home and b!tch to Ben lol!
I agree with the documentation and speaking to your boss again. Is she only this way with you or is she this way with everyone? Either way, workplace bullying should not be tolerated.
I'm also a people-pleaser, but I've come to accept that I have a breaking point. I was in a similar situation and I repeatedly told myself to just ignore it, don't let it get to me and don't give others the satisfaction of seeing me upset. That worked for a while, but the feelings were just festering under the surface. Soon, I was bringing the drama home with me and it started affecting my relationship with MH. My boss clearly didn't care so I decided that the best solution was to remove myself from that toxic work environment. I wish I had done it sooner.
Best wishes and please keep us posted!
I had to do that once, too. Before I did, though, I reported the problems to my boss, who tried his best to deal with it with the other individual. By that point, however, things were already tense among a lot of us and it was affecting our work. I decided I could do without the job and was SO glad I left once I did. One of the best decisions ever. Hopefully your issue gets resolved through the documentation and reporting channels b/c I know leaving a job is not a fair solution to a problem that you didn't even cause.
And even if one moves on, they're bound to encounter another jerk again sometime. So I guess just do your best to keep records, stand up for yourself, and then leave it at work so the stress doesn't do any more damage than it's already done! And take care!!!
I'm sorry to hear about that. I'm glad you have a supportive boss. That helps big time. Some people are just plain awful and have to make other's lives miserable. Keep in mind if she keeps this up, she's gone. I would document everything and keep your boss informed. It sounds like she'll be gone before she knows it. Do you have a door to your office? Can you be moved for the time being away from her? I know it's so hard. Alternatively, can you work with an iPod to drown her out? A window close by to nudge her out of?
All great points!
I am totally a people pleaser and it drives me nuts because I'm always worried if people are mad at me and why. I do need to learn to just accept it and move on. I need to realize I can't make everyone happy.
It's funny because now every morning when I walk into work I say good morning to this girl and it makes her so mad that I'm talking to her. She ends up giving me a grumpy good morning back.
I am going to start documenting our encounters with her responses so I have the examples when I present to my boss again that things are just not working. I have already told him that I'm close to quitting, fortunatly my boss and his boss have my back on this because they have already expressed they do not want to lose me here. I have told them if this doesn't get better, I'm gone. There is no job in the world worth feeling like this by someone everyday. Fortunatly, if I do quit MH and I will be ok financially until I find something else but like you have said it's not fair to be the one to leave when you are not the cause of this.
I know MH is sick of hearing it, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of talking about it and sick of dealing with it! Something has got to get better and hopefully soon it will.
Thank you ladies for your words of encouragement and advice. Everyone has really good points and tips and I will certainly put those into play and hopefully it will start helping me just ignore this chick!
| Olowalu, Maui ~ August 6, 2008 |
| Family of 4 ~ April 2, 2011 |
| Family of 5 - October 24, 2012 |