Sex & Romance
ifwisheswerefishes
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Seven month rut...ugh...
DH and I have hit that point. We are in a sex rut.
We were both virgins when we got married, and as such, sex was like electricity for us when we were on our honeymoon. However..now, things seem to have majorly...slacked off, I guess would be the right word.
It's not that we aren't interested in sex anymore (trust me, we are!). It's just that we need more spice in our sex life. We need to mix stuff up a little more.
So, all you experienced women who have been at this for more than a mere seven months, do you have any advice for me and DH? We would appreciate it more than you will ever know!
Re: Seven month rut...ugh...
Ok...I can't suggest ways to get out of a rut until I know what kind of rut you are in.
What do you guys do? Oral? Manual? Vaginal Intercourse? Anal intercourse? What positions? Where in the house?
And I am going to go out on a limb...
I think that you have some fantasies that you consider too wild to share with your husband. You are afraid that he will be shocked.
I think you need to explore your relationship. It is very true that issues in the bedroom are an indication of other things in your relationship. That is not a BAD thing per say. You might have added stress (if you had a miscarriage, if you are TTC, any of those thing). All those things can impact your life in the bedroom.
Have you considered going to see a marriage counselor? They are not meant for last resort type marriages. It might help both of you to communicate better and explore any issues you may have. Think of it as a tune up! I never realized how helpful it would be until I went myself.
Yes, we have seen a Christian marriage counselor in our area. We go about once/twice a month, and it has been a real blessing.
It's not like we don't want to have sex. It's just that it's become a bit "routine."
Routine is a very vague word.
Are you doing the same things in the same order? Only doing the positions that you have already done? Only having sex at the same time of the day? Does your husband feel the same?
I am going to let you in on something: Every couple who has sex in a long term relationship gets a pattern. When you make love to the same person for years, you figure out what gets them off. The pelvic positioning, the speed, the hand motions -- whatever you have found that gets them over the edge. As a caring partner, you commit to giving your partner satisfaction and in general, after all the sexual gymnastics, you will frequently go back to the old stand-bys to get them to orgasm. Now, experimentation will help you find new things to add to the repertoire, but there are likely to be the same base elements in your sex life. One author related it to pushing buttons to open a locked door. You can try lots of combinations but you know that if you need to get through the door, you have the sequence in your pocket.
Count your blessings for having good sex for a few months! We were both virgins when we got married, and weren't even about to have sex till 6 months later and ever since, it's been a bad experience with sex. We've never had "electricity" or anything like that...it's been routine and boring from the start. Anyway, count yourself lucky
You, crimsonheart, are my new hero. I did this when he came home today. It was...an epic win. :]
wooo yayyy sessy time!!
This is a perfect example of why you should try before you buy.
TTC #1 since January 2013
Seven Months? Wait for seven years, seventeen years etc.
The anticipation, the dreams, the goals are all over. Now it's plain normal life repeating it's self in similar ways over and over again.
Boring isn't such a bad thing. It's prefered over many kinds of excitment.