Sex & Romance
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what is it that women really want?
if you're not particularly in the mood for jumping in bed, what gets you there? What is it that women want to want to get into bed. Why are we so stubborn sometimes when it comes to sex?
Re: what is it that women really want?
It is a gross overstatement to say that women are "so stubborn" when it comes to sex. I think that the number of posts on this board with "Our sex life has dwindled - what can I do?" or "I want to get my sex drive back!" are clear indicators that women are not the source of all marital sex problems.
If I am not 100% in the mood, I try to get there. I will think about the pleasure I will get from it and that usually is enough for me. If I am not feeling well, I am honest about that and beg off for another day.
Every person, male or female, wants to feel wanted, desired. That can mean different things for different people, but it is at the root of all sexual desire.
I hate the stereotype that women don't want sex and have to be coaxed by their sex crazed husbands to have sex. I find it to be quite the opposite on this board, actually.
"We" aren't always so stubborn. That's just you, babe.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess you've never had a multiple orgasm?
ditto!! speak for yourself! such a stereotype. IRL most of my friends are practically begging their SO/DH's to increase the sessy time!! I have never had a friend who worried she wasn't given it up enough to her DH, usually it's the other way around.
I'll admit that I don't think I give me husband enough sex. At this point I'm figuring it out.
He used to romance me all day long, and when we weren't able to see each other everyday, he would romance me over the phone. Ya know, just talking sweet and that he missed me, what have you. When we would go out on dates he was always reaching for me, touching my hair, my arm , my knee. It's a major turn on. Now that we are married, we get up go to work I get home after him, cook dinner go to bed or run some errands and then go to bed. We lay there for a few minutes and just as I'm about to fall asleep he starts playing with my hair or grinding on me. It ticks me off. I'm tired I'm about to fall asleep and he didn't pay attention to me all day and now he wants it. It annoys me. I need romancing just as much as he needs sex.
There is dating, movies, romance novels and then there is married life with real people. Comparing any of those and expecting a real Romeo and you being Juliet is unrealistic.
P.S. don't blame all your problems on DH.
I truly detest it when people throw around stereotypes like they're gospel. Not all women resist the lure of sex as though it's the plague. In fact, I wouldn't mind it at all if we had sex more often, and I probably initiate at least as often as DH does.
If I'm not already in the mood, getting in the mood can be as simple as listening to the right music. Or DH might (sometimes literally) pounce on me -- last night it was a massage that started out fun and ended fun.
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I'm not stubborn when it comes to sex. I've only ever had once or twice when I wasn't in the mood at all and it was from actual headaches. If I need a little help, hubby's great at foreplay and knows exactly what buttons to push.
Then tomorrow, when you guys get home from work, you need to tell him this. Let him know that you're aware that your sex life isn't all it could be, and tell him what you need to get in the mood. You can't expect him to just know what gets you going.
Maybe don't wait for bedtime to get busy? Sometimes DH and I head into the bedroom right after we get home and put perishable groceries away.
Remind me never to ask a question on here again! Apparently I'm in a minority. I'm not blaming my dh, I'm not saying all women are stubborn. It's pretty obvious that not all couples are doing it 2-3 times a week.
Why is it that people have to put others down even more when they ask a question?
If you have a great sex life, that's awesome, but you don't have to shove it in everyone else's faces and treat us like dirt. Obviously you're doing something right to have that sex life, share what works for you instead of pointing fingers at others.
Thanks to the one or two people that actually put some thought into the questions I asked and didn't just fly off the handle at my apparent stereotype of women being stubborn. I guess the TV shows have affected me.
As for the read the previous posts, I agree. So many people seem to be asking the same questions. I did not ask how to make sex more exciting or various like so many before and after me. I want to know what keeps you in the mood. When DH pisses you off so much you can't think straight for days, how do you get back to that mood. I'm not looking for any more answers or responses here, just venting my disgust for some people's lack of tact and diplomacy.
"Why are we so stubborn sometimes when it comes to sex?"
This is what made me "fly off the handle" with my response. It seemed you assumed all women were on this page with you.
You mentioned your DH ticks you off and I'm sure that is probably the main reason why you're not interested. Maybe you two can talk it through instead of keeping it in. Does he need to do more around the house? Put the kids to bed for you to have some time to unwind? If your pissed at him giving him sex when you don't feel like it is going to be pretty hard, he should work better at trying to please you during the day with doing small things and keeping the peace. I'm not sure how much he pisses you off but maybe some couples counseling is needed.
There have been a couple times where I wasn't totally in the mood. I'd tell him flat out I'm not really in the mood, would you mind giving me a back rub? While he's doing that I'll think of porn I've watched lol! Or I'll think of something new or dirty we could do like role playing. I also don't always wait for him to approach me. If I've noticed it's been a while for us I'll put on something sexy (so that I feel sexy) and if he's on the computer or watching tv I'll just get on top of him and start making out.
Based on your follow up post, the reason you aren't having a good sex life is that you aren't having a good married life. Sex is the barometer of a relationship...if the relationship is full of hostility and resentment, sex isn't going to work.
Try some marital counseling and see if you can't stop being upset with each other. I assure you, sex will improve once you want to be intimate with him.
Quote" Why are we so stubborn sometimes when it comes to sex?" Unquote
Because that is one area we hold the power to control our men in every other aspect of our lives. History of nations and fortunes have been won or lost. Countless times because of that little triangle of hair.
Wow, what a lot of bickering.
When I saw this post, I was like "someone else feels the same way I do." I can be "stubborn" when it comes to sex. I feel i have a healthy marriage and a good sex life with my husband, but there are times that, no matter how hard he tries, it seems I just won't let myself be "in the mood." It is hard for me to disconnect from the rest of my life and whatever stress I have and just let myself go enough to have sex, and let it be good.
That being said, it does make me feel more special and desired when he pays attention to me throughout the day, not just when he wants to have sex. It also helps to be spontaneous, and the longer I'm married the more I understand what that really means. It doesn't just mean to have sex at times other than night, when you aren't in bed. It also means to step out of your routine, like your getting ready for work routine, and maybe starting something with him, or letting him start something with you.
Those are just my thoughts on the subject. Hope I don't get shot down.
PS. While a few stereotypes in our society are unfair, and it isn't right to judge an entire group by a stereotype, some stereotypes exist for a reason: they hold some truth.
TTC #1 since January 2013
I agree that you shouldnt generalize "women".
If I'm not in the mood...then I'm not in the mood. It definitely has nothing to do with being stubborn or using sex as a power tool against DH.