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I wish... [vent] LONG!!
I'm so so very sorry. I have to let this out 'somehow' and even if no one reads this...it's ok. As long as I can get it out!
It all started March 13, DH and I went window Baptisimal gown shopping, we found one that we loved (I liked another one more but seeing DH so involved I caved). MIL always said that she'd pay for the dress and for us to see whatever we liked. fine. Sunday afternoon DH was really quiet, he then tells me that he got into a argument with his mom last night and that they're not talking (always the extreme with this family). Apparently DH called him mom Sat. night and said that we saw a dress we like and the sales woman is holding on to it for us only until the following Thurs. and since it's a one of a kind he'd like MIL to come with us when we go.
She had a hissy fit....something about how she was the one who would choose the dress since she's paying for it 
DH tells her that we both like THAT dress and it's not a problem, we'll buy it ourselves but we'd still like for her to be there. Nope. deeply offended, breaking traditions, ungrateful - all things mentioned. DH hung up the phone while she was yelling at him. She called back and left a VM.....about ME!!! I'm a no-good islander, my family is all stupid with our traditions, I'm ruining the family, causing all the problems in the family ever since I became part of it 7yrs ago, fake, etc. etc. etc. (Remember that I wasn't even present at the phone conversation). DH was so mad at her for talking bad about me, especially knowing I had nothing to do with it.
April 18 - My cousins bridal shower, MIL & SIL were attending. I'm in the B.Party so I was at the entrance in the receiving line, MIL walked right passed me (I was holding Mia) as if I wasn't even there. She also isgnored my entire family the whole time. When it was time to go home I got up to take Mia to her to say good-bye she again waked 3ft infornt of me and just left. My jaw was left open, how can someone be so cold blooded towards a baby?
May 1 - Mia's baptisim...we're all at my house getting ready. SIL is the Godmother and she showed up 5min beofre we had to leave the house! So we were in a big rush...dressing Mia and picture taking. Off to the church we go, finally sit down and it clicked....I asked SIL "where are your parents?" "They're not coming". DH overheard and got up & went outside. I get so angry!!! DH doesn't show emotion, in the 7yrs I've never seen him cry....well he was. They didn't attend their granddaughters baptisim. It was a very ackward night...two empty seats, the gift we got the grandparents sat wrapped on the table along side the gift favor. Constant reminders that they were missing.
*~* Every year all the men in my family go to a cottage May/2-4 longweekend and fish & drink & be men! It's been going on for over 15 yrs now *~*
Last Week - We get wind that FIL is still planning on going on the fishing trip. WTF? DH is pissed. DH, while talking to SIL on the phone, says that if FIL goes he will not. "Are these people brain dead? we haven't talked in over 2 months, they disrespected me & mostly Lisa, they abbondoned Mia and now they think I'm going to spend an entire weekend in a 3 bdrm cottage with him there? No Fu**en way. Tell dad that he's not invited anymore....besides it's ALLL of Lisa's family, wouldn't it be weird? I must be adopted." SIL passes the msg along.
Yesterday - DH comes home and is in a pissy mood. MIL called and left another VM. I listend to it "I will never forgive you nor your spouse for what you are doing to your father. Tell that fake-***-of-a-liar that is all her fault. I will never forgive her for ruining our family".
Nice.
BTW - she hasn't been talking to her own mother in 4 months and her brother in 3...her oldest son moved out "too much negativeness" and the daughter is talking about leaving too BUT I'm the problem! 
There is so much I would LOVE to say to her but she has one thing wrong. I've never lost any sleep nor shed one tear over this. I have my family, those who truly love me, my husband and my daughter around me. Sticks & stones. I will not feed into her VM's because that's what she wants = a reaction. No, I'm better than she is. Karma is a b!tch, and I hope it gets to her soon! DH says that he's done with them, I'm always asking if he wants to call and make peace but he doesn't want to. I can't say how I really feel to him, he is in enough pain I'm sure.
So here it goes:
Dear MIL,
You are a cold hearted b!tch. How dare you call yourself a mother, you do not know what real love is. To be able to "cut off" your own son over something as stupid as a dress is disgusting. You are an embarassment to the entire family and a drama queen. I hope you remember this when your all alone that you created this. Mark my words, until the day you appologize to DH you will never see Mia...not in pictures, nothing...and GOD protect you if you even think of touching her. For your own good - pretend you don't know me if we pass eachother by, because to me you're dead-worthless-trash.
- END.
Re: I wish... [vent] LONG!!
Oh wow. That is really heart breaking. I'm so sorry you guys are having to go through this. I can't believe your ILs skipped your LOs baptism. That's just low.
I very much think you're doing the right thing, and I wish you strength!
We'll just not tell H about this little fact, m'kay?
Even if you were any of those things, she could still behave better. How horrible.
I've heard the book Toxic Parents is really good, you may want to get a copy.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I have some experience with a similar situation. My Dad is one of ten children and at any given time, my grandparents have 'disowned' like 2 or 3 or them.
Due to petty circumstances (totally not saying yours are) I didn't 'meet' me grandparents until I was about 9 years old. I have pics of being less than 2 years old with them but have no memories. My grandparents disowned my parents and us and I didn't meet them until a severe accident put my grandfather in the hospital. Since then we all have a relationship with them.
My only word of advice from my own experience is to avoid speaking negatively about ILs in front of Mia. All I remember about my grandparents before I met them were the negative things my parents had said and it does influence the relationship I have with them now. As horrible as they are being, things might change one day and Mia should have the chance to love them at that time.
First off, let me say that I have been in similar situations with members of my own family and it always sucks. That being said, I believe the following to be true: You MIL is who she is and will NOT change. I think you and DH were naive to expect that she wouldn't somehow manipulate the situation with the gown. You must never bad mouth these people in front of Mia b/c it will be totally unfair to her.
I am really sorry that your MIL and FIL are acting so atrociously but, take it from someone who is in the thick of it right now, attempting to boycott/uninvite/exclude yourself or them from functions is a slippery slope. I have missed out on many events and family functions b/c of the similar relationship with my Bro and SIL. You guys, and Mia, will be the ones to lose out.
Just continue to be the gracious, courteous person you are!
I was with you until this
Please don't let whatever is going on between adults affect Mia's relationship with her grandma (and grandpa).
Good lord... is your husband related to mine at all??? His mother is crazy as well. So, I can share your pain.
Not to try and top you, but to share in your misery... how about when my DH's brother gets in a fight with his uncle and funeral for one of his aunts. Mini background - DH and BIL grew up with their dad, in Canada will their mom went back to the US to live closer to her crazy family. After this fight, DH goes by BIL and tells him straight up that he should know better than to do something like that, and we leave to get away from the drama for a little while. We go to catch up with his mom again at the grandmothers house and she proceeds to yell at DH for not supporting his brother in the fight! (wtf - how about... no one should be fighting at a funeral!!!) So DH decides to leave... she then walks down the street yelling and insulting us as we go.
How's that for class!?!?
That's just one case... how about in the near 10 years that DH have been together she has come to Canada to see us once! (she lives in Niagara Falls, and us near Toronto, its not like its really far) Last year for mothers day we gave her money to get a passport so that she would be able to get her passport to visit us with the new border restrictions - she finally got around to getting an enhanced licence this mothers day... it took her a YEAR!!
DH handles her very well, better than I would. He lets her know when he does not approve and he will remove himself from the situation. But he will still call to check in on her every once in awhile (lol - that's a nother thing... we gave her access to our long distance code so that she could use it to call us on our dime... she never uses it and never calls). He's ok with the fact that I do not have to be obligated to talk to her or spend time with her if I don't feel comfortable doing so.
There's not much you can do... just spend your time with the family members you have that you love and show you the love in return.
I totaly know & understand what you mean. It would also be a different story if they made any efforts to see Mia. They pourposly miss events just to not see us - we know that they will be ther and go anyway, it's not about them that day but they don't think the same way and are excluding their own family too. Just this past weekend, DH's cousins confirmation/ their neice - no show from ILS. If they want to see Mia...they've had many chances.
I'm not going to let then get their "fix" off of FB (because I now found out she goes into work with pics printed off of FB from my albums and shows all her friends as if she sees Mia all the time) no way. you want pics? you want to see how she's changing? you want to know what she can do now? etc. then come see her in person...I wouldn't stop them.
I'm following how DH feels......(as wrong as it may seem to some) We firmly believe that if they want to see Mia then they can, in person.